Venting: MOH Starting to Let Me Down.

Shannon1011

I need to vent this please. 
My MOH of honor is starting to really let me down.  It all began with the day of getting ready.  I was all set for us to get ready together, but she instead that she do her own hair and make-up at her house or the hotel.  (she was a stylist at one point, so I know it will be good)  I just did not want to get ready by myself.  Then she did not come to first luncheon I had planned for all us girls.  She said she could not come that week but we would see each other next week to talk and do some shopping.  I was fine with that, as well.  While we where shopping I kept pinning over house hold items, but she kept saying wait for your shower to see what you get.  So she knew I needed house hold items, badly.  Then at the shower she bought me a single (yep 1) wine glass, a bottle of wine, 2 coaster, and pearl necklace ( have 2 necklaces now I don't even wear).  Knowing that I needed stuff for my house.  I was thinking really, did not see me panting of the queen sheets in the store the other week.  Then I am set to plan the last luncheon, and I start going over dates with her.  She kept saying her hubby has a "gig"  the night before and will to be hangover to do anything the next day but sleep.  Oh, yeah she refuse to try to make my last fitting.  And told me to me to take notes and pics.  Please, really.  Then she had had the nerve to say at one point she has been there for me while the other BM have not.  

Thank you for letting me vent, I feel much better.    

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting-moh-starting-let-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d905a773-40c4-4326-a5af-d0368839e22bPost:b2cc4277-38d4-4e68-85f4-a16ef6677357">Venting: MOH Starting to Let Me Down.</a>:
[QUOTE]I need to vent this please.  My MOH of honor is starting to really let me down.  It all began with the day of getting ready.  I was all set for us to get ready together, but she instead that she do her own hair and make-up at her house or the hotel.  (she was a stylist at one point, so I know it will be good)  I just did not want to get ready by myself. <strong> Then she did not come to first luncheon I had planned for all us girls.</strong>  She said she could not come that week but we would see each other next week to talk and do some shopping.  I was fine with that, as well.  While we where shopping I kept pinning over house hold items, but she kept saying wait for your shower to see what you get.  So she knew I needed house hold items, badly. <strong> Then at the shower she bought me a single (yep 1) wine glass, a bottle of wine, 2 coaster, and pearl necklace ( have 2 necklaces now I don't even wear).  Knowing that I needed stuff for my house.</strong>  I was thinking really, did not see me panting of the queen sheets in the store the other week. <strong> Then I am set to plan the last luncheon, and I start going over dates with her.  She kept saying her hubby has a "gig"  the night before and will to be hangover to do anything the next day but sleep.  Oh, yeah she refuse to try to make my last fitting.</strong>  And told me to me to take notes and pics.  Please, really.  Then she had had the nerve to say at one point she has been there for me while the other BM have not.   Thank you for letting me vent, I feel much better.    
Posted by Shannon1011[/QUOTE]

Attendance at bridal luncheons isn't required. Bridal luncheons aren't required. The only thing any member of your bridal party is required to do is to show up before the wedding clean, sober, and wearing the dress that was decided on, and smile pretty for the pictures. Everything else is fluff that is nice, but certainly not required. MOH is an honor you bestow on your nearest and dearest, not a job.

And you can't dictate what gifts people should buy for you. She bought something for you that she thought you would enjoy. Try being grateful for the gifts she did give you.

AutumnFair

Total agreement with Ziti.You may wanted to vent your frustrations and disappointments with your MOH, but by what you wrote it seems to me that you are way too uptight with what "expectations" you have for her. 

Weddings are not the center of everyone's world. When you ask someone to be a MOH or BM, you did it because you want to honor your closest friends. No one should expect people to bend over backwards to make sure they go to any pre-wedding stuff. Things like luncheons, or getting ready with you are not required. You say you are fine with it, but then you come on here and complain, so obviously you still are holding a grudge. 

As for her telling you not to buy certain household items. Maybe she was telling you because of other guest at the shower, not necessarily herself. But I think it is super rude that you are criticizing her gift. No one HAS to give you a gift, and for you to be snobby about what she gave you makes you sound like a ungrateful person. 

So I hope you feel better about the vent but realize the stuff you are venting about should be a non issue anyway, lower your expectations, and realize you asked your friend to be MOH because you wanted to honor her. 

4LeafClover3

Wow... you are being a little bit of a bridezilla regarding your MOH. She bought you a gift and you scoff at it? That is horrible. She isn't required to attend anything but the wedding.

em01092

I would lower your expectations of your MOH. Like PPs said, she doesn't have very many duties, and you can't be upset with her for the things she has or has not done here. I'm sorry she didn't get you what you wanted, but maybe she couldn't afford something more along what you were hoping for. She doesn't need to be at your fitting and she is not required to help you do or make anything. 

MairePoppy

You're expecting too much of your MOH/BMs. It is not mandatory for them to attend lunceons, meetings or your fittings. The purpose of a BM luncheon is to honor the BMs. Why would you have more than one luncheon?

There is no rule that the MOH has to get ready with the bride. She is probably more comfortable getting ready at her own place. You could ask her to join you after she is ready or you could invite the other BMs or your mom or other family member.

The only proper response for a gift, whether you like it or not, is 'thank you.' Your MOH probably didn't realize that you already own pearls, since you don't wear them. She was trying to get you something nice.You could be a good sport, keep the pearls and wear them once in awhile. Or if the pearls are very similar to ones you own, you could return them and get something that you want for your home. Maybe she won't notice that you didn't appreciate her gift.

covejack

Please lurk around here a bit and read some of the other posts.  I think you need a bit of a wake-up call.  Your friend gave you a nice gift, that she thought you'd like, and is doing what she can for your wedding.  The world does not revolve around you or your wedding.  She's done nothing wrong.

Queen Jane

My MOH dropped out. You should be thankful you have one.

mandi921vh

As PP have mentioned, the only event the MOH is required to show up to is the wedding itself. I understand that you are upset she didn't attend the luncheons, but you have to remember, that no one cares about your wedding as much as you do.

Raquel928

Now that your done venting, you should crack open that bottle of wine and poor it into your one wine glass and relax!! I agree with pp that being a moh is an honor not a job. Complaining about the gift she got you is rude. You seem very entitled, my advice to you would be to lower your expectations or you will be very disappointed on your wedding day ad far as gifts and attendants go.

Viczaesar

Wow.  Your MOH has done absolutely nothing wrong.  Why are you so pissy at her?

Helsa11

Maybe as a maid of honor she's done nothing wrong, but I don't think it sounds like she's being a very supportive friend. Maybe a little passive aggressive. If she's a close friend (and I'm assuming she is if you asked her to be the moh) she knew what kind of gift you would like at your shower. And instead she got you what would seem like a great gift to anyone else. Plus it was a very impersonal gift. I don't know, I see your point in all this, although there's nothing you can do.

blahblah85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting-moh-starting-let-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d905a773-40c4-4326-a5af-d0368839e22bPost:f29f900f-2248-4b44-bdc7-f5a33877ed47">Re: Venting: MOH Starting to Let Me Down.</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe as a maid of honor she's done nothing wrong, but I don't think it sounds like she's being a very supportive friend. Maybe a little passive aggressive. If she's a close friend (and I'm assuming she is if you asked her to be the moh) she knew what kind of gift you would like at your shower. And instead she got you what would seem like a great gift to anyone else. Plus it was a very impersonal gift. I don't know, I see your point in all this, although there's nothing you can do.
Posted by Helsa11[/QUOTE]

Any gift given in good faith should be receieved graciously.  It is rude to do otherwise. 

BTW-My fi is an usher in his sister's wedding in two weeks.  We have spent over a thousand dollars on stuff related to the wedding.  Maybe she couldn't afford the kind of things OP wants?  Either way, OP should not be complaining about receiving a gift.  It makes her sound entitled, and bratty.