My sister-in-law/best friend is hosting my bridal shower and bachelorette party. Both parties are coming up pretty soon, and invitations were sent out a while ago with a fast approaching rsvp by date. Not a single member of my fiance's family has responded. I recently asked his sister if they received the invitations and if they were planning on coming, and she kind of did this "Oh, I don't know.......... hey, there's a kitty!" quick subject change.
I already have been feeling hurt by their actions since the wedding planning started. They've been telling me who to invite (distant cousins they rarely speak to, neighbors of his parents that my fiance doesn't know, random people from their church, etc). They've had comments on how I should decorate (they haven't like any of my ideas because they're too simple and not "classic wedding"), what I should/should not wear (only long dresses are acceptable, according to FMIL), who I should have in the bridal party, and they even said colors I picked were "tacky and not tasteful".
Basically, they have had a lot of negative things to say, and have not once offered to throw me a bridal shower, bachelorette party, do anything nice for me and my fiance, they haven't offered to help pay for anything they've "requested" (although it was more like demanded). I don't EXPECT them to do anything or pay for anything.... but if you're going to make a lot of requests and demands for what YOU want in MY wedding, it seems fair that you would help pay for some of it. It would also be nice if they offered to throw one of the parties.. even just as a gesture to say they like me and are happy I'm joining the family.. they haven't even TOLD ME they like me.
I'm starting to feel like his family is just using me and the generosity of my parents to pay for all of this. It feels like they don't really care about me or my role in all of this, they're really just concerned with how many of their family members they can squeeze into the wedding to have their family reunion (his mom has more than once referred to the wedding as her reunion).
I feel unwelcome, snubbed, hurt.. disappointed. I wish I could call the whole thing off and just elope instead. They were welcoming and friendly before we got engaged, and then the wedding planning started and everything changed. I promise you I have not been a bridezilla.. I've been super calm and accomodating to a point, I don't see a point in stressing out over dresses and flowers.
I guess the question now is.. if they don't show up, and they don't have a good reason for not coming, would it be okay for me to express how their actions lately have made me feel? I haven't talked to my fiance about this yet. He is frustrated that his family hasn't rsvp'd to these parties OR to our wedding (tangent: that's another thing.. nobody from his family has rsvp'd to the wedding, I think everyone thinks it's a come and go as you please event, partly because that's how his mom has made it seem to people...) but I haven't expressed to him yet that I feel unwelcome by his mother and sister.