Do I say something or just let it be....

Giraffee

Okay so I just asked all my girls a couple weekends ago, and I kind of wanted to keep it a smaller wedding party but none-the-less I'm going to have five girls standing beside me. Now the problem is obviously I have to cut it off somewhere, so there's naturally some friends that aren't going to be BMs.
However, one of the girls that I didn't pick I feel might be a little angry about this. And I don't want to sound like a b*tch or anything but because of how this one girl is.. not like inappropriate or anything but she just might not be the most reliable person, a lot of people (fiance, brother and parents) gave me input that they prefer I not pick her, and I was on the fence about picking her anyways.

So my question is, should I just hope that she be respectful of who I pick and not say anything to me, or should I say something to her about it first? Or if I wait and she does end up saying something to me about it...what should I say?

Any help would be appreciated...Thx

graysquirrel

Who you select to be your BMs isn't really her business. I hope that as an adult she would have the good graces to not push her way in or ask rude questions. I would definitely not bring it up first. It never feels good to get an explanation as to why a person wasn't selected for something. Approaching her would probably just make her feel worse. I would avoid talking wedding with her at all-- don't give her an opportunity to ask about it and if she starts moving things in that direction, change the subject. 

Giraffee

Well the thing is she's really excited for the wedding and I know she's gonna ask me about it.... she's gone for maybe another few weeks to a month to visit family so I don't have to deal with it now I guess... but she did call me today and was asking about the wedding and if I picked my MOH and how many BMs I was having....

and I know that won't be the last time she asks...so I can't change the subject every time. Especially since before she left she asked why I wasn't including her in any wedding planning yet... but up to that point I hadn't really done too much anyways...

RaptorSLH

It sounds like you're weighing the drama she might cause if she's picked against the drama she might cause if she isn't.  My gut feeling is that if you can't trust her to accept a "no" decision with grace, she isn't the kind of person you want to trust with a "yes" decision, but that's just me.

You do not need to approach her about it, but if she asks you (and it sounds like she might be hinting already), I wouldn't string her along.  You don't owe her any more explanation than you choose to give, but the longer you let her think she's in the party, the harder it will be to tell her she's not.

If she does accept with grace....there's no law that says wedding prep news has to be limited to the wedding party.  Evaluate what you feel comfortable sharing once you see how she reacts.

Maggie0829

If you are on the fence about asking her then don't ask her...you shouldn't have to question who should be in your bridal party, you should just know.

If she asks again, tell her that you have chosen your wedding party and then quickly change the subject.  There is nothing you can do if she gets upset...you cannot please everyone and sometimes people need to act like adults...she will eventually get over it.

ahampton27

You could ask her to do a different role in the wedding (reading, candle lighter, etc) and then she'll know that you aren't going to ask her to be a bm.

Giraffee

Thanks for the help ladies... hopefully she won't ask, but I"ll try and figure out what I'll do or if I can find something else maybe