need help - trying to keep it short.

mols2012

From a "friend"

"okay, the situation involved is that I was asked to be a brides maid. I agreed.

Originally, we were asked to get a dress of a certain color and length - that's fine - on my very limited budget, I can do that - or make one. no problem.

Found out a couple weeks ago, that she has now changed her mind. Found the perfect dress to match the style of her dress. okay. fine. Dress is at David's Bridal. (have to drive an hour, but okay). Dress is $130 ON SALE until Dec. 1. problem - that is more than a 2-week paycheck in the middle of the school year for me (i'm a tutor at the college level, making min. wage, lucky to get 15 hours a week). Found out that her bach. party will be about 8 - 9 hours away from me, 4 - 5 -ish from her. I'm about 3 from her now. okay, but that's my whole gas budget for a pay period...possibly more.

I can't afford the dress, and have come to realize this - and the other things involved with her wedding, I don't know how I will be able to afford them. I'm getting married 3 weeks before her - based on a LOT of my FI's 60+ member family, and when birthdays, anniversaries, and other events take place yearly. The time we're getting married was one of the FEW times a year that we were NOT falling to a birthday, anniversary, or other event. There was maybe 12 to 24 times that worked, and our day was the one with the least amount of things going on that month.

I know that the right thing to do would be to step down, based on affordability and the fact that I just cannot be available like I should be as a B.M. for her.

Is it okay to do this, and should I send an email - possibly the easiest way to communicate based on her work schedule/availability, or call, or text to have her call me when she can? What should I do?"

Maggie0829

I would talk with her about your dress budget.  If she is a good friend she will understand your situation and will 1) let you purchase a dress that you can afford or 2) help purchase the dress that she has picked out.

As far as the bach party or any other pre-wedding parties...these are not requirment of the BMs.  If you explain your situation with her and tell her that unfortunately due to finances and distance you won't be able to attend but that you still want to be able to support her on her big day, she should be accepting of this.

I say all of this as I believe she will be accepting, if she starts to throw a fit and turns into a bridezilla, I would politely bow out.  No one should have to go into the poor house to be in someones wedding.

Before you make any decisions have a nice discussion with her about your situation.

Good luck!

mols2012

Thanks!

I'll let her know - I know that we kind of talked about it, which is why she was telling us now - but still, $130. is a LOT of money for someone who doesn't make over $2000 a year - and I know that she's trying her best.

Thanks so much! I'll send her a text and see what we can't work out

mols2012

thanks!  i took the advice to my "friend" and everything got wrorked out!

we are revisiting this around thanksgiving...thanks for the advice!

covejack

Also, dresses could be bought secondhand off used dress sites.  Look around, you may get lucky.

cesiao

I agree with everyone else. Also, I think Davids Bridal let's you do a lay away plan. I know they do for gowns, pretty sure for BM dresses too. Also like Maggie said, a BM is only responsible to commit to the dress, not to the events or other monetary contributions. Good luck!!

mols2012

Well,

In looking more at this situation, its gotten more complicated.

Apparently, this is just another "straw" to give greif to my friend, the bride. 

Now, I've basically dropped from the wedding - I'm one of 4 that just can't be trusted, out of the 7 that was originally asked.

Its hard to find a way to afford a $130 dollar dress - that is more than a month's salary. AND that's the SALE price. My FSIL said that it was on the higher end of "normal" in the wedding she was in. 

Anyway, so because I can NOT find a way to afford this dress - I'll be lucky to get $50 saved before the "sale" is over - I barely can afford bills for the whole year - I BARELY get pay checks 6 months a year as it is. The $130 is about 10-15% of my YEARLY income. How CAN I do that?

Basically, we ended up arguing about a couple things - including what was said/not said and done without knowledge. I spent 5 days sitting here playing with numbers, TRYING to figure out what I can do to afford this dress.

Not a single thing.

With that being said, I decided to NOT be a black mark on her special day. I'm a bride to be as well, and there is NO way that I would let something like this effect things. Initially, it was us getting a dress - the length and color was given, but the style was ours. NOW After finding her dress, she saw a dress that was a perfect match.

Oh well...I have officially dropped from her wedding. That was just the easiest thing to do, so not to be a black mark on her weding day.

Thanks everyone I appreciate it.