Surprise! My mom wore white to my wedding. (Vent)

filaw

It wasn't that big a deal, and probably wouldn't have been anything at all if it weren't just the final moment in a long run of conflict between her and I throughout this process.

When I spoke to her 2 weeks ago, she was gonna wear something else.  When she showed up at 11 am on my wedding day, she was wearing a white dress that stylistically was even very similar.

It's not like I think anyone's going to confuse her for me.  (Duh).  It's more just the idea of, why would she even do that?  I'm pretty sure it wasn't at all purposeful. She's just oblivious sometimes to how her behavior can hurt others.   I think she might even have thought it was nice that she'd "match" me. 

Whatever, it wasn't more than a teeny tiny blip in a wonderful day.  It was just getting caught off gaurd like that, especially after all the conflict we've had through this past year.  I was surprised, and not in a good way. Obviously, I didn't say a word, and I hope my expression didn't register anything.

I just wanted to vent a little.  Get it out of my system.  Thanks for listening.

MairePoppy

I am always surprised when someone comes on here saying their mom or fmil wants to wear white to the wedding. This seems ridiculous to me that of all colors they would choose the brides color. But ultimately, you can't tell mom or fmil what to wear.

I really admire your good attitude. Even though you weren't happy with your mom's choice, you didn't react. You carried on and had a great day. Best wishes to you and congratulations on your marriage.

filaw

Yeah, that was sorta my reaction.  It was just, why? 

But really the day was so so incredibly wonderful.  I'm a very happy lady.  It just bothered me that it bothered me, if that makes any sense.  And I wanted to get my venting out in a place where there's no harm done.

trix1223

I'm glad you loved your wedding day.  And I'm sorry that your mom is pretty clueless.  I'm with maire:  I don't think it's worth causing a rucus about but I don't understand WHY a mom would want to wear white.

Anyway:  welcome to the old married hags club. 

MairePoppy

So what was your favorite part of the day?

filaw

First favorite I think would have to be when we read our vows to each other.  I know it's schmultzy, but the moment just felt really "alive" to me.  I felt like I could feel everyone that was there supporting us and rooting for us, and looking at him and saying our vows and hearing them from him, it was really overwhelming in a wonderful way.

Second favorite is probably when my dad stepped on my veil on the way back to his seat, and it came flying off my head.  Everyone laughed (including me), my sister snatched it up and had it back in my hair in no time, like she was The Flash or something, and it was a great ice breaker.

But it's so hard, because there was also the moment when my sister surprised us with a "musical toast" and the entire WP and my family and my a cappella group were up by the end singing it.  And then there was the first dance, when we had so much fun (and that's awesome because he was *so* nervous about it, but come the moment, he said he wasn't nervous at all).  And I dunno, it all was really amazing.

MairePoppy

Aww! That's sweet. Those great moments when everything feels right will stick with you forever. It sounds like it was a wonderful wedding.

It's funny how all those little details that people stress about beforehand don't seem to matter when the big day arrives. Thanks for sharing your day.

Beachy730

Yeah, my MIL wore white to my wedding.  Not a white dress, but a white shirt and black skirt.  I was told about it ahead of time, and just said whatever.  I definitely bitched about it a bit to my BM's, but that was it.  I know it is a minor detail in your wedding day, and it had absolutely no affect on my day at all, but its just funny that a grown woman would think nothing of wearing white to a wedding, let alone her son's wedding. 

agibney

Good for you to not let it ruin your day. This is kind of funny to me, I was venting on here the other day about MIL buying a champagne dress one shade darker than my dress and everyone was sooo get over it, no biggie, like I was some crazy bridezilla how dare I even say anything? I know white is definately not champagne, but I feel your pain and understand. My point, like all you other awesome ladies, was that any grown woman KNOWS better than that. I wish I would have joined in this convo instead of getting slammed in my own post for assuming she should have picked an actual color other than the off-white family. Why can't they pick a COLOR? To me anything in the white/cream family is NOT a wedding color, moms and anyone attending the wedding-please choose a color!!!!

kpwedkk

Welcome to the married life   Congratulations!  Like water off a duck's back, don't let it worry you.  No one mistaked her for you, and as a grown woman, she didn't wear black to your wedding or something outrageous, she found something classic, timeless, and re-useable

Get over the colors, anyone can wear whatever color they want, even as a guest.  You picked your dress, they can too!

Else this is some good advice as well -
http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses/qa/mom-wants-to-wear-white.aspx

Muffin'sMom

I wonder why people do lots of things...wearing white to a wedding doesn't even get to the top 10!  However, I know that there is not a darn thing you can do about most people...they are who they are.  Let it go and have those wonderful moments.
OP...it sounds like you had a beautiful day surrounded by people who love you!  Like Trix said, welcome to the ball and chain!

filaw

Yeah, like I said, this had more to do with my relationship with my mother, and our conflict, than about what anybody wore.

Her surprising me the day of by wearing a matching dress (something that is generally frowned upon), was just poking a finger into a wound that was already there.  It made me a little crazy that every time I looked at her, I saw this blatent "symbol" of exactly the conflict that we were experiencing. 

It still bugs me a little, which is why I needed the vent, and I go back and forth with wondering if she was just that oblivious, or if it was actually purposeful (though I keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt).

But my conflict with my mother is just one piece, that was definitely pleasantly overwhelmed by all the other wonderful things of the day.  That doesn't mean that my conflict with my mother is going to go away either, or that the hurt isn't still there.  If that makes sense?

Muffin'sMom

If it was my mother, I wouldn't have to guess!  I would know it was on purpose
Let it go...she'll think of something new to drive you crazy before long!

shawn_mckeigue

I guess a lot of you are just better women than I am.  If my mother showed up on my wedding day wearing a dress in white, I would freak.  Your wedding day is one of few in your life that you can be the center of attention in a great way.  You should not have to compete with anyone, especially not someone that was likely a large part of the planning process.  My FMIL is a gorgeous woman with a great figure, and she loves to show it off.  I know this going into the wedding, so when she shows up in a flashy dress that will probably look better on her than my dress will look on me, it won't bother me.  But what I will know is that she won't be in white and that she was courteous enough to ask me what color I thought would look great with the bridesmaids.  In my opinion, take it for what it's worth, it is a sign of disrespect to the bride to wear white to a wedding.