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Dealing with mom

Hi Ladies so my mom and stepdad are paying for a big chunk of the wedding and I have been planning it all myself which I like and don't mind..I  include her at meetings Cake Tasting bridesmaid dress apts..but everytime I ask her for a time to go she always makes it difficult .."why can't they do it at this time.."  "I wish we coiuld find a baker closer.."  (we can't bc we have to use on my caterer's list).  Then always insists that my sisters where different dresses than the other bridesmaids bc the dresses I picked don't flatter them...She has her say in everything..everything...and always talks about how excited she is for the wedding but when it comes down to it I feel like she isn't working with me at all.  She doesn't seem excited when it comes down to it.  I appreciate her financial help and she knows that.  I hear of other brides that thier mom's help plan the wedding or at least help with agreeing with the brides decisions and I feel like she isn't at all.  Does anyone else have any advice? I hope she is not resenting offering to pay her share..we offered her that my FI's father could help more than is but she refused..Advice is appreciated, please help..

Re: Dealing with mom

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    Money = strings. apparently your mom's money comes with lots of them. Either accept the money and try to deal with her insisting on things her way, or polietly decline the offer and pay for your own wedding.
    Praying for a miracle!
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc9b0f29-3706-4930-8feb-0796d4cc32eePost:90f11038-7095-42c4-9118-93ea0ec2011a">Re: Dealing with mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Money = strings. apparently your mom's money comes with lots of them. Either accept the money and try to deal with her insisting on things her way, or polietly decline the offer and pay for your own wedding.
    Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

    I wish it were that wasy..you have a point though.  There's no way we could afford it ourselves.  Thanks though...
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    Have you told her that you have to use specific vendors? Maybe she just needs to know the reasons why you're going with certain people.

    Have your sister's complained about the dresses being unflattering? If they haven't then say to your mom, "Well, Sister1 and Sister2 don't think they're unflattering and that's what matters."

    Are you actually asking her for a time that works for her when you make these appointments? The way you worded it sounds like you're just telling her the time the appointment is.
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    Yes, my two youngest have complained about the two dresses but said if they had to they were fine with wearing them.  She gives me a certain time that works for her then I call they don't always have That time she suggests so I get the closest appointment to that...

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc9b0f29-3706-4930-8feb-0796d4cc32eePost:e82768c9-1ba5-4e2b-8cae-ff25be584077">Re: Dealing with mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you told her that you have to use specific vendors? Maybe she just needs to know the reasons why you're going with certain people. Have your sister's complained about the dresses being unflattering? If they haven't then say to your mom, "Well, Sister1 and Sister2 don't think they're unflattering and that's what matters." Are you actually asking her for a time that works for her when you make these appointments? The way you worded it sounds like you're just telling her the time the appointment is.
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
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    Oh yes she has made it very clear that she wants to go to every apt. with me.  Good point maybe I should just keep it simple..bc she changed with my sisters are wearing and I let her!  I didn't know what else to do..I tried telling her I was happy with my choice but she kept making me feel bad that I gave in..

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc9b0f29-3706-4930-8feb-0796d4cc32eePost:f76ffbb6-2daf-442f-ab11-4afb165c6f3e">Re: Dealing with mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does mom WANT to go to every appointment with you? Perhaps you could just tell her, "Mom, I can handle this one..." Don't feel you are "being mean" if you say: "Mom, I don't like that at all." "Mom, that is not what I want." "That is really your taste, Mom, not ours." "How about we just scratch that altogether, mom? I'm not happy with it."
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
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    I am in the exact same boat as you and it's horrible! Except for the fact that my mom is getting angry with me that I have different views and starts being mean about it. To the point where it's just not worth it. And I tried saying "I'll pay, don't worry bout this" but then she gets pissed that she's not being included. So far, I'm trying to pick my battles and just plan stuff on my own and then let her know later. I don't live in the same city though so that's easier for me :). Good luck!
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