Moms and Maids

venting...

So we have 12 days to go!

I've been w/ my FI for 4 1/2 yrs, made it through a deployment, and days away. His mom, whom I love and I am well aware of her pushy demeanor, but she won't stop.

FI's dad and mom have been divorced for 17 yrs, he is paying *this is my 2nd wedding, my parents can't afford it, either* something that everyone has been aware of, and were incredibly blessed that his dad *who is a dr* is paying for things. Plus we've kept a super low budget! 

FMIL caused a stir 4 months ago.....FSMIL and aunts are making food, because we are doing finger foods, and some pastas and stuff, but lots of food. We have a guest list of around 120. So, the food thing had been decided when FMIL decided through email convos with my mom that she didn't want to be changing food around while she's wearing a "long fancy dress (WITH A TRAIN!). she won't need to be worrying, there's enough involved that she can sit down all night! I decided to humor her, got a quote from a caterer I worked with when i was an event planner, and said how $1600 was a lot, and she could only give $200. What did she think a caterer cost??!!  Mind you i had been trying to see what kind of budget she had in mind, while she would call and say, "I'm working overtime to help pay for your wedding! I want to get your dress and the boys tuxes". Wanting and being able to is something else, really, ya know? And, I completely understand, but she's so damn rude and short about things.

Also, she took a month from the time she said she was getting her invite list together to when we actually received it. We had decided last minute on a reception site, which was way too big, and so I downsized and changed the reception site. Yes, that sucks, but it happens. I have dealt with it so much in my job, and it wasn't decided a day before the big day! My sis is mailing cards out to everyone with the changes, totally awesome of her.

Last night I get a call from FMIL telling me "what an embarrassment I am" and how i "never asked her". Well, the man who is paying for it whom you are no longer married to said okay, so according to FI and i, we made our change. Plus, with the new place we have a liquor license for the night, so no expensive bar tab, it's close to home (other place was kind of near a bad part of town...i am relieved to know that someone won't get kidnapped/robbed/vehicle broken into...for real, i live in the suburbs of stl.) The new site is in my hometown which is a nice farming town at a park bullding..indoors, and freedom.of supplying our own liquor, or ppl bringing their own! Plus, $300 cheaper for the deposit and $150 less than the rental. I was able to get in touch with the first hall and thankfully get my deposit and down payment back, they had a request for a bigger event. AWESOME!

Does she expect that since she was married to his dad at one time that she has a say when he is spending the money? She is a very controlling person, and I've stood up to her. If I get one more bullshit comment, I'm going to tell her she doesn't have to show, she has pissed me off so bad, but FI says he'll take care of it if she does. I trust him to, I just have so much going on in my head right now I can't handle her being like this. I send her a message last night to tell her to TRUST US! Lord, does she think we want it to be a disaster? Goodness!

Let me know who else has gone through this! I'm trying to stay as calm as possible these next 12 days, and i swear it feels like she is out to mess with me. I just want to be like, "sorry i'm marrying your son" and everything else. I have always gotten along with her amazingly, and I have been aware of her tenacity, but wow this is the wrong time. FSMIL is so aggravated with her, and is a good woman to have not flipped out on her yet. My parents have been married for 40 years, I have an understanding with my ex-husband and we get along for the sake of our child though he lives states away, and even my ex mil was sweet and helpful, not drill sgt! 

So, say some prayers, chants, however you pray, and keep me in your thoughts! I'm normally a strong person, and this lady is getting me! I don't want to mess up a relationship over a wedding. Her last words to me were, "See you at the wedding" when she was supposed to be paying for flowers. My FI is a horticulurist so we're doing our own flowers and centerpieces. Now i'm afraid we won't get $ for that!


Re: venting...

  • It does seem as if she is being super pushy and frustrating.

    However, I agree with her about not wanting to work with the food all dressed up. Assuming all those bringing food have volunteered, and that you are 100% sure the foods will be kept at safe temperatures and well made, that doesn't sound like a bad plan. However, I would definitely hire someone to take care of the set-up logisitcs the day-of. That should ease her concerns AND be more affordable for you.
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  • Hi,

    I'm in Minneasota. I thought this was a MN board. R u in MN. I help with this sort of thing

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:de95b1d4-05b4-411e-9e3b-db1dd63af9edPost:dae0b405-5124-4216-aa36-04f240710885">venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So we have 12 days to go! I've been w/ my FI for 4 1/2 yrs, made it through a deployment, and days away. His mom, whom I love and I am well aware of her pushy demeanor, but she won't stop. FI's dad and mom have been divorced for 17 yrs, he is paying *this is my 2nd wedding, my parents can't afford it, either* something that everyone has been aware of, and were incredibly blessed that his dad *who is a dr* is paying for things. Plus we've kept a super low budget!  FMIL caused a stir 4 months ago.....FSMIL and aunts are making food, because we are doing finger foods, and some pastas and stuff, but lots of food. We have a guest list of around 120. So, the food thing had been decided when FMIL decided through email convos with my mom that she didn't want to be changing food around while she's wearing a "long fancy dress (WITH A TRAIN!). she won't need to be worrying, there's enough involved that she can sit down all night! I decided to humor her, got a quote from a caterer I worked with when i was an event planner, and said how $1600 was a lot, and she could only give $200. What did she think a caterer cost??!!  Mind you i had been trying to see what kind of budget she had in mind, while she would call and say, "I'm working overtime to help pay for your wedding! I want to get your dress and the boys tuxes". Wanting and being able to is something else, really, ya know? And, I completely understand, but she's so damn rude and short about things. Also, she took a month from the time she said she was getting her invite list together to when we actually received it. We had decided last minute on a reception site, which was way too big, and so I downsized and changed the reception site. Yes, that sucks, but it happens. I have dealt with it so much in my job, and it wasn't decided a day before the big day! My sis is mailing cards out to everyone with the changes, totally awesome of her. Last night I get a call from FMIL telling me "what an embarrassment I am" and how i "never asked her". Well, the man who is paying for it whom you are no longer married to said okay, so according to FI and i, we made our change. Plus, with the new place we have a liquor license for the night, so no expensive bar tab, it's close to home (other place was kind of near a bad part of town...i am relieved to know that someone won't get kidnapped/robbed/vehicle broken into...for real, i live in the suburbs of stl.) The new site is in my hometown which is a nice farming town at a park bullding..indoors, and freedom.of supplying our own liquor, or ppl bringing their own! Plus, $300 cheaper for the deposit and $150 less than the rental. I was able to get in touch with the first hall and thankfully get my deposit and down payment back, they had a request for a bigger event. AWESOME! Does she expect that since she was married to his dad at one time that she has a say when he is spending the money? She is a very controlling person, and I've stood up to her. If I get one more bullshit comment, I'm going to tell her she doesn't have to show, she has pissed me off so bad, but FI says he'll take care of it if she does. I trust him to, I just have so much going on in my head right now I can't handle her being like this. I send her a message last night to tell her to TRUST US! Lord, does she think we want it to be a disaster? Goodness! Let me know who else has gone through this! I'm trying to stay as calm as possible these next 12 days, and i swear it feels like she is out to mess with me. I just want to be like, "sorry i'm marrying your son" and everything else. I have always gotten along with her amazingly, and I have been aware of her tenacity, but wow this is the wrong time. FSMIL is so aggravated with her, and is a good woman to have not flipped out on her yet. My parents have been married for 40 years, I have an understanding with my ex-husband and we get along for the sake of our child though he lives states away, and even my ex mil was sweet and helpful, not drill sgt!  So, say some prayers, chants, however you pray, and keep me in your thoughts! I'm normally a strong person, and this lady is getting me! I don't want to mess up a relationship over a wedding. Her last words to me were, "See you at the wedding" when she was supposed to be paying for flowers. My FI is a horticulurist so we're doing our own flowers and centerpieces. Now i'm afraid we won't get $ for that!
    Posted by shannieshan317[/QUOTE]
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If your FMIL calls you again, just say, Hmm I will have to discuss this with FI, I will get back to you.  Let FI handle FMIL. 

    PP have great advice for you other wise.  I would ditto the suggestions to hire servers for your wedding. 
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