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HELP !!! MOH problems...

jade987jade987
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in Moms and Maids
Hi all,
I have been engaged for around 3 years and we are getting married this year. At the time of getting engaged i asked my best mate if she would be my MOH, and she said yes, but she has given me endless sleepless night's, not wanting to wear what i like and just trying to tell me how i should do everything, she is very controling and has started to only contact me when she wants something from me ie money !!! The last few months things for me have become more stressful and i no longer want her to be my MOH or even at my wedding.  My daughter who is a teenager is also a braidsmaid and she really doesn't get on with my MOH either. How do i tell my MOH that i no longer want her at my wedding at all ??? but in a nice way too. Please can anyone help !!!!  :)
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Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...

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    sweetcanadian1979sweetcanadian1979
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    You can't tell her in a nice way. My MOH turned into a MOHzilla & i am not longer speaking to her & never will again, sad thing is we were best friends for 15 years without a fight before it became all about her & what she wants. 

    If you do not want her at your wedding be prepared for the friendship to end, if that is what you want then so be it. If you wanna remain friends you will have to suck it up. 
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    jade987jade987
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    i don't want to be her friend anymore, she just takes the piss and uses me. I have been having night mares for weeks now, I just don't know what or how to say it to her. :(
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    blahblah85blahblah85
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    It kind of sounds like you are afraid of her.  Is there any way to can just let the relationship die?  How soon is your wedding?

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    jade987jade987
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    edited January 2012
    I am kind of she is very dominating towards me and i do feel like we are in a relationship !!! lol.  I haven't text her at all but she has text me but i havent replied to her. My h2b said just dont give her any contact at all then it will all die anyway. the wedding is in July this year...
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    sweetcanadian1979sweetcanadian1979
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e01c80be-cdba-447d-90cd-c0c99c41efafPost:e152b7bd-3886-487c-8a8d-5e546241dc06">Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am kind of she is very dominating towards me and i do feel like we are in a relationship !!! lol.  I haven't text her at all but she has text me but i havent replied to her. <strong>My h2b said just dont give her any contact at all then it will all die anyway</strong>. the wedding is in July this year...
    Posted by jade987[/QUOTE]

    <div>that is what i would do then. Ignore her in every way possible, delete from fb etc. If you really don't think you can talk to her at all that is, if you think you can let her know you have had enough do it, this way she has an explanation to why you dropped off the face of the earth, but maybe you don't care enough to bother, which is your choice. </div>
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    jade987jade987
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    well i think i am going to carry on with the no contact for now and just hope it works and she gets the message !!! x

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    tldhtldh member
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    I don't think freezing her out is the best way to go.   If she is as dominating as you say, what's to stop her from showing up on your doorstep or harassing your daughter for answers? 

    Tell her honestly thta you no longer want to continue your friendship and that you do not want her at your wedding. You don't have to have this conversation by yourself but i think you do have to have it. 
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
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    I agree, you need to talk to her. I'd also be concerned about her just showing up at the wedding like nothing happened. 

    You can't really be nice when you say you don't want to be friends with someone anymore, but you need to end it cleanly. She clearly isn't taking the hint so you need to be direct. 
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    Personally I hate the "no contact" approach to ending a friendship. It tends to drag things out longer, you look like a jerk because you aren't even telling them that you don't wantw to talk to them anymore and the person never knows what they did. It's incredibly passive aggressive.

    I think you should write her an email just explaining that you feel that you two have grown apart, you no longer want to be friends and that you won't be contacting her again or responding to any contact she makes to you. No need to give all the reasons, that will just give her somethingto argue about. Just say that you want it to be over and you won't be talking to her again. That way she KNOWS it's over and you can cut her out of your life knowing that you 1. did the right thing as a good friend and ended the friendship clearly instead of just making her think that you're not responding and 2. she's not going to expect you to respond anymore so she'll stop contacting you in hopes that maybe this time it will work.

    I think ending a friendship is similar to a break up. Just think about how awful it would be if your FI broke up with you by suddenly disappearing from your life and cutting you out of it completely. It's an incredibly hurtful, passive aggressive and cruel thing to do, whether it's to someone you're dating or someone you used to be friends with.
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    jade987jade987
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    thank you for your help, i am going to email her tonight and tell her. Like you said i don't want her asking my kids loads of questions and dragging them into it. It's between the two of us and it is very much like breaking up in a relationship. On asking my h2b's advice he would do things in a different way but that's men, and asking family what to say or do they all have their own way of doing things to. It's very hard when we both have kids that go to the same school too and not wanting to bump into her, but i will just have to deal with that i guess. thanks everyone will let you know how i get on :) xx

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    jade987jade987
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    OMG !!! thought i would start t write the email.... this is how far i have got....

    I think is the hardest email i have ever had to write but i didn't want to ignore you and thought it was only right to tell you that i can no longer be friends.

    I don't know what else to put !!!!! :(
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I'm pretty sure that will do it. There's no point of going into details. You want to end the friendship  - that's it. Just make sure you want this to be permanent before you hit that send button.

                       
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    jade987jade987
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e01c80be-cdba-447d-90cd-c0c99c41efafPost:55663aa4-9bd7-4f07-b27f-64fd4c711b4d">Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm pretty sure that will do it. There's no point of going into details. You want to end the friendship  - that's it. Just make sure you want this to be permanent before you hit that send button.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
      <div>
    </div><div>Do you really think that is enough to say tho ???? I think i worry to much about people are going to think and/or feel, thats just me, i have always been that way ! guess it hasn't done me any favours !!!!</div>
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    jade987jade987
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    Does this sound any better or is it to much ?????

    I think is the hardest email i have ever had to write but i didn't want to ignore you and thought it was only right to tell you that i can no longer be friends. I have personaily been through so much these last few years and it has taken me along time to get to where i am now and i really feel you are not good for me. I feel we are both so different in so many way's and i need to deal with things my way. I won't contact you again nor will i respond to any contact from you.
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    jonekajoneka member
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    I think thats perfect..not too little and not too much..but final!!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    That's fine.
    Your (ex) friend is going to be hurt no matter how you do it, but at least your not outlining her shortcomings.

    Not asking for details, but the reasons that you want to end the friendship are not just about the wedding, right?
                       
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    jade987jade987
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e01c80be-cdba-447d-90cd-c0c99c41efafPost:7a2d79a2-b7bf-4c9b-bea9-345a0e602b72">Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's fine. Your (ex) friend is going to be hurt no matter how you do it, but at least your not outlining her shortcomings. Not asking for details, but the reasons that you want to end the friendship are not just about the wedding, right?
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>very much true there are so many reason's why i have to do this.... thank you x</div>
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    tldhtldh member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e01c80be-cdba-447d-90cd-c0c99c41efafPost:02d2e3c5-52be-4fb7-ba3f-39f939daf9e1">Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does this sound any better or is it to much ????? I think is the hardest email i have ever had to write but i didn't want to ignore you and thought it was only right to tell you that i can no longer be friends. I have personaily been through so much these last few years and it has taken me along time to get to where i am now and i really feel you are not good for me. I feel we are both so different in so many way's and i need to deal with things my way. I won't contact you again nor will i respond to any contact from you.
    Posted by jade987[/QUOTE]

    I think you are good to go with this one.
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    divadancer11divadancer11 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e01c80be-cdba-447d-90cd-c0c99c41efafPost:02d2e3c5-52be-4fb7-ba3f-39f939daf9e1">Re: HELP !!! MOH problems...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does this sound any better or is it to much ????? I think is the hardest email i have ever had to write but i didn't want to ignore you and thought it was only right to tell you that i can no longer be friends. I have personaily been through so much these last few years and it has taken me along time to get to where i am now and i really feel you are not good for me. I feel we are both so different in so many way's and i need to deal with things my way. I won't contact you again nor will i respond to any contact from you.
    Posted by jade987[/QUOTE]

    I think that is perfect!GL!
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    I think that sounds perfect and I think it's good that you're doing this. I've only ever had to do this twice in my life and it really sucked both times but I've been a lot happier since getting out of bad friendships and they ended quickly and cleanly because the person knew they were over. Good luck!
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    jade987jade987
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    i've done it sent and deleted off fb too.... wow !!!!!! lol :)   xxxx
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    jade987jade987
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    update ! She hasn't taken it well at all. Had her son texting me and then she started texting me to. I didnt reply to either of them.... felt weird last night but this morning feeling a bit better, just got this feeling she is going to turn up at my house today :/    guess i will just hve to deal with that if or when it happens.... xx
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