Sister Declining Bridesmaid Invite

ngrabavo

I asked my sister last night to be a bridesmaid in my wedding next summer.  I was a bridesmaid in hers this past June, and even though we do not have a good relationship at all, I fulfilled all bridesmaid duties and was present for everything because in my mind, that's what family is supposed to do.  We have no other siblings, so it is just the two of us.  So when I asked her last night and her response was "Can I have some time to think about it?" I was shocked.  I asked her "You need time to think about if you will be in your sister's wedding?" to which she replied yes.  I was hurt, but now I am trying to figure out what to do.  Has this ever happened to anyone before?  How do I address the situation?

kmmssg

You don't.  You have asked her and she is considering it.  Let her think about it and make her decision.  I can understand your disappointment in your reply so far, but you have to let her decide what she wants to do.  She may be thinking about it for a variety of reasons.  Let it go.

Also, it is really early to be asking your Bridal party.  You will read on these boards about brides who want to fire people from their wedding because they have grown apart, but asked way too far out from the wedding.  You have plenty of time so don't feel pressured to ask your BP.  You may come to regret it as many brides here have.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-declining-bridesmaid-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0b2b133-56eb-4368-980e-2fab9c665f06Post:d097956b-ef4c-4f94-94dc-ab0d92e7c494">Sister Declining Bridesmaid Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked my sister last night to be a bridesmaid in my wedding next summer.  I was a bridesmaid in hers this past June,<strong> and even though we do not have a good relationship at all,</strong> I fulfilled all bridesmaid duties and was present for everything because in my mind, that's what family is supposed to do.  We have no other siblings, so it is just the two of us.  So when I asked her last night and her response was "Can I have some time to think about it?" I was shocked.  I asked her "You need time to think about if you will be in your sister's wedding?" to which she replied yes.  I was hurt, but now I am trying to figure out what to do.  Has this ever happened to anyone before?  How do I address the situation?
Posted by ngrabavo[/QUOTE]

<div>If you don't have a good relationship, I personally would not have asked her to be a BM. I don't know your story, but your BMs should be those closest to you and it doesn't sound like your sister is. I know a lot of people disagree and you may too, but I don't share the mentality that "family is family." Just because she is your sister and because you were in her wedding doesn't mean she has to be in yours. If your relationship is that strained, she may in fact be doing you a favor by declining. </div>

nannewmur

This is a very confusing post b/c you titled it that she declined when the post said she wants to think about it.  It sounds like you have already decided she will not be in it.

Maybe there is a financial reason why she wants to think about it.  You mentioned she got married last summer.  Maybe she and her husband are thinking of purchasing a house or having a baby.    Weddings are expensive to be in and maybe you had the financials means but she is not sure if she will.  Maybe she is old fashioned and feels BM should only be for singles.  Maybe she gained weight and is not happy with how she may look compared to your other BM.  There could be a million reasons why she wants to think about it. 

My answer is cut her some slack, there is nothing you can do and accept the answer with a smile.

sparent2010

It may be financial or maybe since you do not have a good relationship she does not want to do it.

My sister does not want to be a  BM and she and I have a great relationship. She just doesn't want to wear a dress. Instead she is escorting the ring bearer down the aisle. Maybe your sister would rather be involved in some other way or just be a guest.

Are you broken up over her not being in the wedding?

blush64

My sister declined to be in my wedding. (first) It was not financial as she didn't have to pay for anything. She just didn't want to stand up for me. She did it to be mean spirited and selfish. (several other things she did at that time fit the description as well)  I moved on. This time around she is in the wedding party and couldn't be happier. (people change)

It's too bad if she doesn't want to be in the wedding but really, you don't want someone in the wedding party who doesn't want to be there.

Maybe she will come around but either way you can have the most amazing wedding.

Tkoch

I am very sorry this is happening. Both my sister and sister in law declined to be in my wedding, and it was very hurtful. Both gave me about 100 excuses why they did not want to be in it (everything from not having the money, to having tatoos that might show in whatever dress I picked to feeling to old next to my friends) and my experience is that when someone gives you 6 excuses for not doing something, none of them are the truth. I think don't think it's unreasonable to bring it up again after a week of her "thinking" about it. After all, you are excited, you want to get this settled and ask someone else if you need to.

Whatever happens will work out. I understand why you asked despite your relationship being strained.. and quite frankly, it's her loss. You shouldnt have to beg anyone to stand beside you at your wedding!