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Moms and Maids

Mom acting funny

Lately, everything has been an argument between my mom and I. She and my dad want to keep adding things to a very tight budget and they keep saying they'll pay for it. The problem is I don't want them to keep paying for everything. I just wanted to have a small wedding and they're trying to escalate it into a larger event. I think my parents are upset that I am turning down more of their money, but I don't feel they should be mad b/c I made it clear to them in the beginning how small and simple I wanted everything to be; I feel hurt they aren't respecting that.

Based on the original budget, my FI and I are paying for 50% of the wedding, and both of our parents are paying for 25%. This was done to avoid problems/disagreements like this...but obviously it isn't working. Once my parents volunteer to start paying for things, it feels like they try to take over, and don’t believe me when I tell them otherwise.

 I don't want to look back at the planning process and just remember arguing with my mom. I'm trying to come up with other things that I want to have at the wedding that she can take care of because I think that might be why she gets upset at me for not wanting her ideas.  Any advice on how to approach planning/budget discussions differently? I would still like them to be part of the planning process, but I really want them to respect my decisions. 

Re: Mom acting funny

  • If you're turning down her money, then it sounds like you're doing the right thing to limit her say. She still may just have ideas or suggestions, and you can say, "Thanks Mom, but we're doing____" or "we've got it that covered, thanks!". Still, you may even need to cut out their 25% because paying gives her power. 

    Are there any specific areas your mom is especially interested in? Flowers, food, etc? Maybe you can suggest her money go towards those specifc things, provided you don't mind her suggestions, rather than just a broad contribution. Otherwise just decline her/their money entirely. 

    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • You should have a master list of stuff with budget amounts.  Everyone should have a copy.  It should be very specific about what you want to do and not want to do.  If she presses, you can tell her tht you would rather have your vision of the day even if it means turning down their money, but be prepared for hurt feelings.

    As a mom, I started out wanting my daughter to have everything that I did not have.  I took me a while to hear her, and not the sound of my own dreams :)
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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