I've been engaged for a year now almost, we have our wedding in May of 2013, and are both really excited about it
Having said that however, It's been a really rough year for my family and myself. My mom passed away from cancer six months ago, and I'm an only child who has a wonderful dad, but it's been very difficult on the both of us as my mom was the bond that held all of us together as a family. Planning a wedding and the entire experience of it all so far has been great, but I do have mixed emotions as I miss my mom, and always wanted her there on the day.
To add insult to injury, my best friend who recently moved back was extremely supportive and asked to be my Maid of Honor. We've been best friends for almost 10 years, sisters, and get on really well. It was a given that she'd be there on my day with my other close friends as Bridesmaids.
A very long story short, we had a huge falling out two months ago - she attacked me for not being a good friend to her (by not being really there for her lately, and not being a positive force in her life, etc...) and I was completely shocked by it, but didn't know what to do at the time. I later found out there was an accumulation of things that had bothered her over time through mutual friends. We haven't spoken for 2 months now, and I miss her everyday and want to call her but she told me she needed her space and wouldn't let go entirely.
I just feel that the more time is passed the worse it gets. Her birthday's coming up in 3 weeks and I'm going to send her flowers and a card with a few gifts to just simply say I miss her. She is very stubborn at times so I don't know how she'll handle it or if she'll even acknowledge me. Most of my friends haven't really tried to get involved, and I understand that. They're saying leave it be, and it'll be ok. I just feel really anxious and nervous, not only for having lost my mom, but also losing my best friend for reasons that I have no closure on so far. I don't know what's going to happen - and as selfish as this may sound, it's really difficult to feel that alone before my wedding.
Don't get me wrong, I love the support from my family, fiance, and friends. Yet it's just not the same - what do I do on the day if she decides to never speak to me again? I care about our friendship greatly, yet I also care about her being there to share that day with me. Can I not have an MOH? Instead just have my bridesmaid's give a speech? My other close friend is a male, and he's volunteered to give the speech if all hell breaks loose and she doesn't even come to the wedding...I just don't know anymore.
Even the bachlorette and bridal parties have been put on hold for now since she was the one planning them.
Thank you for anyone who read this
All the best