Moms and Maids

MOH Disaster!

Hi Everyone!

I've been engaged for a year now almost, we have our wedding in May of 2013, and are both really excited about it :)

Having said that however, It's been a really rough year for my family and myself. My mom passed away from cancer six months ago, and I'm an only child who has a wonderful dad, but it's been very difficult on the both of us as my mom was the bond that held all of us together as a family. Planning a wedding and the entire experience of it all so far has been great, but I do have mixed emotions as I miss my mom, and always wanted her there on the day.

To add insult to injury, my best friend who recently moved back was extremely supportive and asked to be my Maid of Honor. We've been best friends for almost 10 years, sisters, and get on really well. It was a given that she'd be there on my day with my other close friends as Bridesmaids.

A very long story short, we had a huge falling out two months ago - she attacked me for not being a good friend to her (by not being really there for her lately, and not being a positive force in her life, etc...) and I was completely shocked by it, but didn't know what to do at the time. I later found out there was an accumulation of things that had bothered her over time through mutual friends. We haven't spoken for 2 months now, and I miss her everyday and want to call her but she told me she needed her space and wouldn't let go entirely.

I just feel that the more time is passed the worse it gets. Her birthday's coming up in 3 weeks and I'm going to send her flowers and a card with a few gifts to just simply say I miss her. She is very stubborn at times so I don't know how she'll handle it or if she'll even acknowledge me. Most of my friends haven't really tried to get involved, and I understand that. They're saying leave it be, and it'll be ok. I just feel really anxious and nervous, not only for having lost my mom, but also losing my best friend for reasons that I have no closure on so far. I don't know what's going to happen - and as selfish as this may sound, it's really difficult to feel that alone before my wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I love the support from my family, fiance, and friends. Yet it's just not the same - what do I do on the day if she decides to never speak to me again? I care about our friendship greatly, yet I also care about her being there to share that day with me. Can I not have an MOH? Instead just have my bridesmaid's give a speech? My other close friend is a male, and he's volunteered to give the speech if all hell breaks loose and she doesn't even come to the wedding...I just don't know anymore.

Even the bachlorette and bridal parties have been put on hold for now since she was the one planning them.

Any advice?

Thank you for anyone who read this

All the best


xxxx Ana

Re: MOH Disaster!

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2012
    Hugs to you, Ana!  I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom.  I can't imagine losing my mom before my wedding.  I'm also sorry about the loss of your friend. 

    Did anything happen to her while you were with and grieving your mother?  Something you may not know about that would cause her to accuse you of not being there for her?  I think it's totally unfair for her to do this, but it might offer an explanation?

    In the end, there really isn't anything you can do.  Focus on your wedding, your friends who are there, your father and being happy.  If your friend comes around, it will have to be on her terms.  Forcing it might end up damaging the relationship further.

    You can most definitely not have a MOH.  Any witness can sign the marriage license and anyone can throw you bachelorettes or bridal showers.  If one of your other friends wants to pick up the reigns from your friend, they are more than welcome to.  Just please don't ask them to.

    Good luck.  I hope for your sake that your friend comes around or that some communication between the two of you can get to the bottom of the issue.

    EDIT; Your wedding is also over a year away.  Relax.  Focus on repairing your friendship and worry about how it relates to your wedding next year at this time.
  • Im sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Like PP said there could have been something that you didn't realize happened but you were grieving.

    On the other hand, I would not stress too much at this point about her wanting space. You have over a year. Give it a little more time and try to reach out to her. Don't mention your wedding. If at that time she doesn't want to be friends, yes it is going to be hard but if she chooses to end the friendship, that is her choice.

     

  • My heart goes out to you for the loss of your mom. 

    Have you tried to contact her to have a heart to heart and tell her how much you miss her?  There are times during a friendship that both people may have a disagreement or a spat about something and as much as it hurts now, it also inadvertantly opens a door to be able to talk this out and move past it.  Sometimes the bumps in the road of a friendship can end up making that friendship even stronger than it once was b/c you realize how important this person is to you and that you can actually get through some of the tougher times of the friendship. 

    My advice to you is to give this a little more time and see how things play out.  I think it is very thoughtful of you to send her flowers and a nice card for her birthday.  That could be what ends opening the door for both of you to be able to talk about this and hopefully move past it.

    I wish you the best of luck and make sure to let us know how it works out.

    In the meantime, chin up and stay strong lovie ;)

     

  • I have nothing much to add that the PP's haven't covered, but I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss.  I wish you all the best and hope that you can work things out with your friend soon!  Good luck!
    Anniversary
  • I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, and for what is happening with your best friend.

    Since you guys have gone two months without speaking, I would reach out to her by sending a letter apologizing for what has gone wrong in the relationship. (Obviously, only say sorry if you mean it and all that other good stuff.) Let her know that you miss her and love her dearly. If not the letter, then maybe call and ask if there is a good time for her to meet with you. That way you can speak face to face. You know the relationship so pick whichever way you think she will be most receptive.

    As far as the wedding and pre-wedding parties, anyone can plan those. Have your other BMs offered to plan? If they have, you can accept their offer. If they haven't then you don't say anything about it.

    Also, anyone can give a speech. If your good male friend is offering, he can. The other BMs can too, if they offer.

    Hopefully everything will work out for the best!
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    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

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