---

em01092 · March 2012

Showers and bachelorettes are gifts, and you cannot demand them. Anyone can throw them though, doesn't have to be your MOH. If you want to have a girls weekend and you're paying, that's fine, but I wouldn't call it a bachelorette party.

And please, whatever you do, don't "demote" your MOH or replace her. That is very rude and bratty.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:676607f2-7709-485e-836c-e079de0df9b3">Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Most of my bridal party is 21 and have never seen a wedding other than in movies. How do I politely ask them I want a bachlerette or bridal shower? I'm having a in town weddi.g but most of my maids are out of state. My maid of honor is kind of being selfish.. everytime I ask for her opinion for my wedding she starts to go kn about her own wedding (not even engaged yet) she also shoots down all my ideas for a low budget wedding and asks if I'm paying for bridesmaid dresses kind of rudely. I gave her an option of gettong her own dress or ill make one(I'm a fashion designer). And she wants to buy a 200 dress even though she's not super stable financially. The way her attitudes going idk think she'll be throwing me any parties :/ how do I ask someone else? She's making it seem like its a hassle and I'm asking for too much. Am I? I'm also thinking of renting a mansion for us to all stay in for 3 days. Ill be paying all the fees and the entire day of the wedding. Its 900 a day and I'm only asking for 150 for 3 days. She's even bringing two + 1s. Help! I don't feel like I'm asking for too much we've been friends since 2nd grade and she's my babies god mom (I also wish I could take that back!) My other bridesmaids are very happy with all my ideas and feel what I'm asking for is reasonable. I think they would also love to be my new maid of honor or mantron of honor more than my current one. Iasked her because of seniority (stupid now that I think of it) and because we made these promises to eachother in grade s hool. But honestly idt shed return the favor for her kid or wedding...
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

YOU DO NOT EVER ASK FOR A PARTY TO BE THROWN FOR YOU!! THAT IS BEYOND RUDE, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

And yes, you are asking for too much as $150 may be a lot of money for someone that is already buying their dress, shoes, etc.

DO NOT kick out your MOH....unless you want to completely end that friendship.

I have a feeling this is MUD.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:d04a9022-df0a-4b9b-9f4f-eec27b433370">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to demote her either, but it just seems like she doesn't care about my wedding at all. I know it's a little bratty but this is my wedding day! I have been engaged for almost 5 years now and she knows how important this day is to me. Her and her boyfriend are not even engaged yet, and thats the only wedding she cares about right now.. I was thinking about getting an extra mantron of honor so I wouldn't have to ask her for for her opinion anymore. I guess your right, I don't want a bachlerette party just a day to hang out with my girlfriends. I think I'll throw it myself.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

Ummmm...whattttt???

That is even ruder than asking someone to throw it for you. It comes off as very arrogant and gift grabby.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:676607f2-7709-485e-836c-e079de0df9b3">Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Most of my bridal party is 21 and have never seen a wedding other than in movies. How do I politely ask them I want a bachlerette or bridal shower? I'm having a in town weddi.g but most of my maids are out of state. My maid of honor is kind of being selfish.. everytime I ask for her opinion for my wedding she starts to go kn about her own wedding (not even engaged yet) she also shoots down all my ideas for a low budget wedding and asks if I'm paying for bridesmaid dresses kind of rudely. I gave her an option of gettong her own dress or ill make one(I'm a fashion designer). And she wants to buy a 200 dress even though she's not super stable financially. The way her attitudes going idk think she'll be throwing me any parties :/ how do I ask someone else? She's making it seem like its a hassle and I'm asking for too much. Am I? I'm also thinking of renting a mansion for us to all stay in for 3 days. Ill be paying all the fees and the entire day of the wedding. Its 900 a day and I'm only asking for 150 for 3 days. She's even bringing two + 1s. Help! I don't feel like I'm asking for too much we've been friends since 2nd grade and she's my babies god mom (I also wish I could take that back!) My other bridesmaids are very happy with all my ideas and feel what I'm asking for is reasonable. I think they would also love to be my new maid of honor or mantron of honor more than my current one. Iasked her because of seniority (stupid now that I think of it) and because we made these promises to eachother in grade s hool. But honestly idt shed return the favor for her kid or wedding...
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

I really don't know where to begin.

1) Bach parties and bridal showers are gifts. You do not demand them or ask someone to throw you them. If your BMs or any other person for that matter wants to throw you one they will...if not, then you don't get to have one.

2) Your MOH is not being selfish. Not liking your ideas means she disagrees with you but in no way makes her selfish.

3) It is great that you want to pay for your bridal party to stay in a certain place the weekend of your wedding but I don't see what this has to do with anything.

4) You cannot demote, kick out, or fire your MOH without destroying the friendship.

5) If you don't want to hear her bad mouthing your wedding ideas then stop sharing them with her

You need to learn that you are not entitled to anything. Yes, this may be you and your FI wedding, but just because you are planning your wedding does not mean that people will agree with whatever you want. People still have opinions and if you aren't prepared to hear those opinions keep your planning to yourself.

stupid8d · March 2012

I dont want any gifts just to hang out with my girls. I havent seen them in foreer! this is the only time we can all come together and have a good time.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:d04a9022-df0a-4b9b-9f4f-eec27b433370">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to demote her either, but it just seems like she doesn't care about my wedding at all. I know it's a little bratty but this is my wedding day! I have been engaged for almost 5 years now and she knows how important this day is to me. Her and her boyfriend are not even engaged yet, and thats the only wedding she cares about right now.. I was thinking about getting an extra mantron of honor so I wouldn't have to ask her for for her opinion anymore. I guess your right, I don't want a bachlerette party just a day to hang out with my girlfriends. I think I'll throw it myself.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

Really? How old are you...it seems from your previous post that you and all your friends are 21...so you have been engaged since you were 16?

Here is a lesson you should learn...no one will care as much about your wedding as you do.

What opinions do you need from her? All you really need is her dress budget and possibly what style dress she will be most comfortable in. You don't need her opinions when it comes to your weddng plans.

**head-desk**

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:f601af6e-9bd9-4305-bef9-208d5f3b02f6">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont want any gifts just to hang out with my girls. I havent seen them in foreer! this is the only time we can all come together and have a good time.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

Then plan a day of shopping, lunch and mani/pedis...but whatever you do, don't call it a bridal shower or bachelorette type of party.

Just a girls day out is completely fine.

stupid8d · March 2012

1.) I am not hoping to get gifts I just wanted to hang out with my friends. I had a baby a year ago and have not seen them at all since. I just thought thats what they were called. But I will be throwing a party honoring them instead for being my friends and making it to my wedding.

2.)I guess I will stop sharing with her. I was just hoping shed be as excited as me thats all.

3) I only wrote that because I was getting comments suggesting I was forcing them. Its just an idea so they wouldnt have to get a hotel which costs more.

4) I don't think itll destroy our friendship. She knows she a B word. I kind of feel like she wish she wasnt too. And if it's my wedding day don't you think I deserve someone who will make me feel like it's a good day? and not ruin the whole thing for me by making snarky comments about everything? if its still beyond rude to you then I will just cancel my wedding since I don't want to ruin our friendship but I dont want to have a wedding i wont enjoy myself.

5) thats true, I just need some feedback. WEve been friends since 2nd grade and I was hoping shed know me and get me some critical feedback. Not just that sucks.

stupid8d · March 2012

Also I offered to make her dress. I'm a fashion designer and it will be a nice one! silk satin. But she insists on buying her own, I don't have specific shoes for the girls to wear. We all do our own makeup etc. so any extra money on attire I feel like it's their own call. I am not asking them to spend any money in those departments.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:fe5712ec-6caf-46fc-9be3-ee7e41f8efcb">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]1.) I am not hoping to get gifts I just wanted to hang out with my friends. I had a baby a year ago and have not seen them at all since. I just thought thats what they were called. But I will be throwing a party honoring them instead for being my friends and making it to my wedding. 2.)I guess I will stop sharing with her. I was just hoping shed be as excited as me thats all. 3) I only wrote that because I was getting comments suggesting I was forcing them. Its just an idea so they wouldnt have to get a hotel which costs more. 4) I don't think itll destroy our friendship. She knows she a B word. I kind of feel like she wish she wasnt too. And if it's my wedding day don't you think I deserve someone who will make me feel like it's a good day? and not ruin the whole thing for me by making snarky comments about everything? if its still beyond rude to you then I will just cancel my wedding since I don't want to ruin our friendship but I dont want to have a wedding i wont enjoy myself. 5) thats true, I just need some feedback. WEve been friends since 2nd grade and I was hoping shed know me and get me some critical feedback. Not just that sucks.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

Really? Really? Look, I know that I can be quite the b*tch when I want to be but if my friend since the second grade told me that she no longer wanted me to be her MOH because of X, Y, and Z I would be beyond hurt. I would rethink the friendship definitely because I would feel that her wedding (which is only ONE day) is more important to her then her friendship with me.

You knew how she was before you asked her so I don't know why you expected her to change just because she is now your MOH for your wedding.

I think you need to do a bit of growing up and learn that people don't always react the way you want or expect them to. I am sure she is thrilled that you are getting married, but she just might not want to plan the damn thing for you.

stupid8d · March 2012

I meant I think she wishes she wan't my maid of honor. & she does want to plan it with me, in fact she would plan the whole thing if I let her! im not trying to demote her, i wouldnt even mention it to her. I was just thinking of giving another maid a title of mantron of honor since they would appritiate it more and be more excitd with me. I did know she was a b word but she got excited for my baby when I had her. So I was hoping the same excitement for my wedding. I was wrong and won't be expecting that from her anymore. It still feels unfair to me because she would get mad at me and demote me if I were not as excited as her. It's nice talking to you! because you sound a lot like her. It's like I get to have a confrontation with her without hurting her feelings.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

So all you want is your MOH to appreciate the title so you think adding another MOH will solve this? That is so confusing and weird.

Has she come out and told you that she doesn't want to be your MOH? If not, what makes you think that she isn't appreciative of the title? Just because she isn't jumping for joy every second and graciously thanking you all the time for making her MOH does not mean she doesn't appreciate it. You have to stop making assumptions...these are your friends and not props on your wedding day. You need to lower your expectations of how they should be acting and just enjoy the planning process. And how do you know that she would demote or kick you out if you weren't jumping for joy for her every day? If she would do this without a second thought, then she probably isn't as great of a friend as you think she is.

As for me being like your MOH, if she is smart, sassy and has amazing common sense then yes, we are exactly alike.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:fe5712ec-6caf-46fc-9be3-ee7e41f8efcb">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]1.) I am not hoping to get gifts I just wanted to hang out with my friends. I had a baby a year ago and have not seen them at all since. I just thought thats what they were called. But I will be throwing a party honoring them instead for being my friends and making it to my wedding. 2.)I guess I will stop sharing with her. I was just hoping shed be as excited as me thats all. 3) I only wrote that because I was getting comments suggesting I was forcing them. Its just an idea so they wouldnt have to get a hotel which costs more. 4) I don't think itll destroy our friendship. She knows she a B word. I kind of feel like she wish she wasnt too. And if it's my wedding day don't you think I deserve someone who will make me feel like it's a good day? and not ruin the whole thing for me by making snarky comments about everything? if its still beyond rude to you then I will just cancel my wedding since I don't want to ruin our friendship but I dont want to have a wedding i wont enjoy myself. 5) thats true, I just need some feedback. WEve been friends since 2nd grade and I was hoping shed know me and get me some critical feedback. Not just that sucks.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

Yes, it will most certainly destroy your friendship. How would you feel if you were somone's MOH (which is a pretty big honor) and then told you are no longer the MOH b/c of whatever lame ass reason you are going to give her? You would be crushed and I guarantee, that she will be too.

Your FI is the one to make you feel like a special snowflake on your PPD ;)

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:8379671e-4970-42b4-9f48-f675561b8f45">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]I meant I think she wishes she wan't my maid of honor. & she does want to plan it with me, in fact she would plan the whole thing if I let her! im not trying to demote her, i wouldnt even mention it to her. I was just thinking of giving another maid a title of mantron of honor since they would appritiate it more and be more excitd with me. I did know she was a b word but she got excited for my baby when I had her. So I was hoping the same excitement for my wedding. I was wrong and won't be expecting that from her anymore. It still feels unfair to me because she would get mad at me and demote me if I were not as excited as her. It's nice talking to you! because you sound a lot like her. It's like I get to have a confrontation with her without hurting her feelings.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

You're really pushing it with your snide remarks.

Look, you came to 2 different boards to ask the same question and you are getting the same answers all around. Maybe you should listen to our advice.

This is not the land of unicorns & rainbows....go to WeddingBee for that ish. We call it like we see it and we are honest and blunt.

stupid8d · March 2012

Thank you every one who commented here. I am taking everything said into consideration. Since my fiance is not excited either I think I will be forgeting about the wedding all together. He is doing this only for me anyway. It won't be fun for me if no one around me is excited! And your right she might not be a good of a friend after all.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:4ab0bfbf-ffa7-4afd-a342-84baebdf0a6a">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you every one who commented here. I am taking everything said into consideration. Since my fiance is not excited either I think I will be forgeting about the wedding all together. He is doing this only for me anyway. It won't be fun for me if no one around me is excited! And your right she might not be a good of a friend after all.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

I would like to know what your definition of excitement is because apparently no one is capable of living it up to it to make you happy special snowflake.

Edit: I would also like to add that I am now getting a very suspicous troll vibe as well.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:4ab0bfbf-ffa7-4afd-a342-84baebdf0a6a">Re: Help!!! I don't know what to do about my bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you every one who commented here. I am taking everything said into consideration. Since my fiance is not excited either I think I will be forgeting about the wedding all together. He is doing this only for me anyway. It won't be fun for me if no one around me is excited! And your right she might not be a good of a friend after all.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

TROLL

P.S. You can delete your posts all day long but you've been quoted, here and on the E board. NIce try.

stupid8d · March 2012

How am I being a troll? now your just being rude -.- I was putting myself out there, and honestly trying to get answers. I listened and have took things said in. I have only begun to plan my wedding so it's not big deal to just cancel it. No one has bought a dress yet, only four people know about it. I'm not the best or smartest person in the world. But at least I admit it and try to change for the better everyday. The only reason I posted in two catergories was because I couldn't chose if it was better under etiquette or bridesmaid..

Meghannsix · March 2012

So you're willing to chuck the whole thing because some strangers on the internet told you that your expectations were unrealistic and some of your plans were rude? That's why it sounds like MUD.

stupid8d · March 2012

I will still marry him, i just don't want to throw a party thousands of $$ for people who don't care about it. I'll talk to my moh and tell her how i feel and think one last time. If she says she is excited for me (because I honestly need the moral support to go ahead with this!) then I will still go ahead with the wedding plans. I know now that it was rude of me to ask for a party in my honor.( i have not brought it up other than on this blog) In my defense I did not know that it was in my honor. I thought a bachlerette party was just for kicks & giggles for the maids. If the wedding is still going on I will throw a party in my maids honor, like a movie or for drinks or something as suggested with no association to the wedding the day before. I still want a wedding of course it just doesn't seem as nice without any support. I'm not asking for them to say thank you or anything like that. Just for them to enjoy their stay here and be happy for me. & it seems like thats too much to ask so thats why I'm having 2nd thoughts. I appritiate the bluntness and truthful answers. Please don't reply unless you have a new suggestion or something helpful. I do not enjoy being bullied online for no helpful reason. But I am still open for advice from those who genuinly want to help. God knows I need it.

Girlie1030 · March 2012

Um, your bio says you were married earlier this month. Color me confused.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:f96c60b3-f281-455b-add2-f689fddfe877">Re: ---</a>:
[QUOTE]How am I being a troll? now your just being rude -.- I was putting myself out there, and honestly trying to get answers. I listened and have took things said in. I have only begun to plan my wedding so it's not big deal to just cancel it. No one has bought a dress yet, only four people know about it. I'm not the best or smartest person in the world. But at least I admit it and try to change for the better everyday. The only reason I posted in two catergories was because I couldn't chose if it was better under etiquette or bridesmaid..
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

No, I am being blunt and honest....remember? ;)

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ec0045d3-512f-4c56-97e4-a6edef36cbe6Post:9429715d-05f7-4f4d-a715-95f58bb89708">Re: ---</a>:
[QUOTE]I will still marry him, i just don't want to throw a party thousands of $$ for people who don't care about it. I'll talk to my moh and tell her how i feel and think one last time. If she says she is excited for me (because I honestly need the moral support to go ahead with this!) then I will still go ahead with the wedding plans. I know now that it was rude of me to ask for a party in my honor.( i have not brought it up other than on this blog) In my defense I did not know that it was in my honor. I thought a bachlerette party was just for kicks & giggles for the maids. If the wedding is still going on I will throw a party in my maids honor, like a movie or for drinks or something as suggested with no association to the wedding the day before. I still want a wedding of course it just doesn't seem as nice without any support. I'm not asking for them to say thank you or anything like that. Just for them to enjoy their stay here and be happy for me. & it seems like thats too much to ask so thats why I'm having 2nd thoughts. I appritiate the bluntness and truthful answers. Please don't reply unless you have a new suggestion or something helpful. I do not enjoy being bullied online for no helpful reason. But I am still open for advice from those who genuinly want to help. God knows I need it.
Posted by stupid8d[/QUOTE]

THAT is why this is MUD.

You do not need your friends moral support in order to get married. That is all kinds of wrong. It sounds like you should be more concerned with what your FI thinks instead of your friends, including the MOH.

---

Re: ---

Choose Another Board

Search Boards