Bridal shower overtaken....

Andrea Clemenson

I am the MOH for a wedding in Jan. Today I received an invite to the bridal shower hosted by a family member! To add insult to injury, its over a holiday weekend, making it impossible for me to attend....do I just graciously decline, then host a close friends shower, as intended, a couple weeks before the wedding? Or, miss my family plans over the holiday and attend this one?

Kate61487

It's very common for girls to have more than one shower (brides family, grooms family, friends, coworkers, etc.)  and it's VERY common for the bridal party and moms/sisters to be invited to all of them (in part so they don't feel unwelcome and also so they can help the bride keep track of what's given, shuffle gifts around, make a ribbon bouquet, etc.)

Check with the bride or the hostess who all was invited to this shower; if there's very little overlap in the guest lists then go ahead with your original plans.  If your whole guest list was invited then it's pretty silly to host a second one.  I'm guessing, if the bride knew you intended to throw a shower, that she would have seperated the guest lists and the BP and moms will be your only overlap.

Whether you throw a second shower or not you should RSVP as you feel is best.  One of my BMs missed my shower and bachelorette because she had a family thing, I understood, I'm sure your friend will too.

Viczaesar

What?  I don't see any insult OR injury.  You're overthinking this.  If you want to host another shower, ask the bride if she is interested.  She can take you up on your offer or decline it if she doesn't think it's a good idea.  But it is not your job to throw her one, and no one is stepping on your toes by throwing the bride a shower, whether or not you throw her one yourself.  If you can't make it then you can't make it.  You decline graciously and go on with your life.

MairePoppy

It should never be assumed that the MOH is going to host a shower for the bride. Anyone, except the bride or groom, may host a shower. The MOH is also not required to attend all pre-wedding events. So if you have other plans for that day, you should not be expected to cancel them to attend the shower.

You should check with the bride to see if she is interested in a second shower. If you decide to go ahead with this, the MOB, MOG, sisters of the B&G and bms should receive courtesy invitations. Otherwise, there shouldn't be any overlap in the guest lists.
 
Just a thought - since the bride is already having a shower, would you consider organizing a bachelorette for her with her close friends?

em01092

If you can't attend due to family plans, that is totally fine. Just decline. You can throw another shower before or after this one, or just plan a B party, like PP suggested. 

Are you upset because someone else is throwing a shower or because it is a family member? In some circles, it's considered tacky for MOBs to throw showers, but that's all I have ever heard of, and that is becoming a less common side eye. 

graysquirrel

A bridal shower is a gift that can be given by anyone to the bride (with the exception of her own mother). Contrary to what Hollywood would have people believe, being the MOH doesn't mean that you get to be the only one to throw parties. I had a shower hosted by my aunts for family members and one hosted by my MOH for my girlfriends and I was so thankful to all of them. If her family isn't inviting her gal pals, then you can def go ahead and do a shower with her close friends. I'm sure that she would love it, just ask and see what she says.

If you can't go to this shower, then you can't go. I only had 1 BM able to go to my family shower and another BM didn't come to any pre-parties or events at all. Just politely send your regrets.

jemmini6

I think it's really nice that you want to host a shower for your friend, but I think you are overthinking her having another shower.  I assure you her family member didn't plan one to cut you out or insult you, but like PP's said, it's quite common for a bride to have a couple showers for various groups.  Proceed with your original plans and decline this shower since it conflicts with existing plans. 

ElisabethJoanne

I'm with the consensus. Decline this invitation. If there's no guest overlap (except bridal party and bride's immediate family), you can host a second shower for this bride.

Andrea Clemenson

You all have helped more than you know! Most of the blogs I read suggested that it was my duty...I was feeling as though I failed or something. You're right, WAY over thinking. I have already taken care of the B. party and figure the majority of her friends will not be attending this family shower. Which means, I get the fun one!!! Thanks again ladies, this is truly a great site. Wish I had actually used it 8 years ago!!!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-shower-overtaken?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ecf88824-5143-4b43-99dc-4dbcac4b0771Post:b644588d-4352-4dea-9a72-6f8b4c8406aa">Re: Bridal shower overtaken....</a>:
[QUOTE]You all have helped more than you know! Most of the blogs I read suggested that it was my duty...I was feeling as though I failed or something. You're right, WAY over thinking. I have already taken care of the B. party and figure the majority of her friends will not be attending this family shower. Which means, I get the fun one!!! Thanks again ladies, this is truly a great site. Wish I had actually used it 8 years ago!!!
Posted by 482650687502763[/QUOTE]

We try.  It's how most of us stayed sane while planning our own weddings. :)

LittleMissCutiePie

Did you make it clear that you were planning the shower? It probably was not meant as a slight to you; it's no longer the norm for the MOH to plan the showers. The last three showers I've been to have been planned by aunts, sisters and even grandmothers. You can throw another shower, but make sure you commend the family member on her shower she threw, so she too doesn't feel slighted. Make sure they are far apart, however, so it doesn't look like you (or her) are trying to outshine anyone. GL!