Moms and Maids

NWR: Mom rant

Just had a fight with my mother. Fuming and upset now. Which sucks because I had a great day at work. So here's my vent, and thanks in advance for listening/reading. Also apologize for the length...

I'm turning 24 this year, which is weird to think I guess. Maybe because my high school was having their graduation ceremony for this years graduates and I realized I graduated 6 years ago and my life is so not where I thought it would be.

I went to school 3 years ago and got my diploma to be a Licensed Practical Nurse. My goal was to become a registered nurse, but I thought I'd start with my LPN, and work my way up, get some work experience and all that. The program was paid for by my mother, and it cost in the area of $20,000 (private college, big mistake, should have gone public). I graduated the top of my class, which was a big accomplishment for me, and my mom and now FI were really proud of me, and I was proud of me too.

I worked in long term care for a while before starting a career in home care, which I initially loved, but my employers were less than stellar. I was not working out in the field as much as I should have been, and at times felt like a glorified secretary. I eventually had to quit, because I knew if I kept going, I would burn out and I didn't want that. Unfortunately, I live in a smallish community, and there are not a lot of opportunities for full time or even part time work here. The health authority is in a hiring freeze, and my only other option was to commute the nearby city, and even there, there weren't enough jobs to make it worth my time commuting. So after 3 months of maybe 2 or 3 shifts of casual work and no further prospects, I decided to go back to school full time to do some of the preliminary courses needed to get my RN. I'm on the waitlist for the program, probably going to be getting in next September, and I'm getting married next June.

While in school, after chewing through all my meager savings, I had to get a part time job, and it ended up being at a pizza place, which needless to say, I was pretty embarrassed about, and my mom was less than thrilled about. She refused to believe I had really tried to find a nursing job. Fast forward to now, I'm done all my prereq's for the RN program, and I got a full time position at the pizza place, which is great, since I need to be saving a lot of money from now till June (Mom is paying for 90% of the wedding, but FI and I want to save up and contribute as well, and there's the honeymoon too). I also love the people I work with there, and I've made some really great new friends because of it.

I was having a discussion with my grandma, who I'm very close with about when I'm getting into the program, and I told her probably next year, but if by some miracle I get in this September, I'm probably going to defer it till next year anyways, because I need to save up money. She didn't like that, told me so, but accepted my decision as it's mine to make. But she told my mom what I said, and she basically ripped me a new one for wasting her money on a career I "dont' give a sh*t about", and how I didn't put in any effort to looking for a job.

I tried to explain to her that working at a pizza place when I'm a nurse, isn't exactly a proud thing for me to do, actually I'm quite embarrassed about it. I deliver the pizzas sometimes, and I'm terrified that I might deliver to one of my old classmates or co-workers and they'll see what I do now. I told her that I feel incredibly guilty that she did put in all that money for my education, and it hasn't panned out. I look everyday for a nursing job, but there is literally nothing available. The only avenue to explore next is to go up north, and that's not something I'm willing to do and she knows this. FI has full time work here, and so do I, even though it's not ideal. She went so far as to call me a failure at my career path, and that it's an embarrassment to her when she has to tell people what I do. This like, emotionally shattered me, because I thought she supported me, she was excited for me when I got the full time position, and she always told me "whatever pays the bills". But I can see now that it's really been bugging her. I really don't know what to do, and it's really getting me down that I'm 24, and friends and people I've known from high school are accomplishing so much more than I am... which is stupid, but it still bugs me nonetheless...
Lucky for me, my sister, who's younger then me, is really great at making me feel better, otherwise I'd probably be crying into my pillow right now. I don't know when that girl got so wise, but she's amazing...

Vent over... so so sorry it's so long, I don't blame you if you stopped reading 3 paragraphs ago, but if you didn't, thank you for taking the time to read my stupid rant. You ladies rock.
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Re: NWR: Mom rant

  • edited May 2012
    First let me say, I am sorry you had a fight with your mother.  Prayers your way!  Second, it seems to me that you are younger, paying your dues, and still have a ways to go.  You are working to get something better in the field that you love and that is really great on your part.  I understand how frustrating it can be with only so much education and the available jobs needing more than what you have.  (I have a BA in Anthropology and have been working in a cushy job for 4 years now.  Suddenly the contract changes with the DOT and I am going to be out the door July 1st.  So after an established job and paying more than my dues in both that and my horrible part time job, I am back to square one.)  You seem to have paid quite a few dues but don't lose heart.  You are taking the right course of action by saving money and going back to get a better degree for a better future job.  Perhaps there is some volunteer work you can do to help you get experience?  That would be great to at least put on your resume and would keep you in the work you want to do.

    EDIT - By YOUNGER I just mean that you have quite a few years ahead of you to get this schooling done.
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  • I'm sorry about the fight with your mom.  Finding a job in today's market is horrible.  I'm still in undergrad, but got fired from my job in January, and it took me 3 months to find a part-time job.  I think saving up, even if it means deferring school for a year, is a good idea.  I know it's hard for you to try to make your mom understand, but realize that you may never get her to understand.  It's hard to realize yea, you have a degree in something, but you aren't working in that field.  I realized a few months ago, that getting a degree in psychology was not the best idea in the world.  But it's too late now.  If I changed I wouldn't graduate when I planned on it.  But I'm going to have to take a year or two off and work full-time to get experience and save up to get my masters in business administration.  

    I know it's tough, but you're doing your best.  That's all you can do.  As long as you look for jobs as often as possible, and work hard to save up money so you can afford the program, you're doing pretty well.  Good luck with everything!  I hope your mom realizes how much she should be supporting you, and that you really are trying.  And I hope you can get in the program!
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  • Why would you defer until next year if you are accepted into the RN program this September??? That makes not sense and if I were your mom, I'd be pretty hacked off also. 

    I understand wanting to save money but you could not possibly make enough at the pizza place to pay for all of your tuition and living expenses.  I don't know where you are but if you can take out a government loan for school, do it.  Any debt that is an investment towards earning more money in the future is good debt.  It's not like you are maxing out a credit card on a designer purse. 

    I also wouldn't write off moving.  For generations people have moved to where the jobs are out of necessity.
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  • OP, I think if you will have the money after a year to go to school without debt that is the way to go. I have 90,000 in school loan debt. Now  I have a wonderful job I wouldn't have had in this economy without a masters in my field. But I did not have full time work. If you can pay for it yourself go for it. 

    I would only move at this point if your job paid enough to be worth sacrificing your FI's income if it is too far. Although, if there is a job up north that would pay for you to get your RN it might be worth a really long commute , since you won't have to pay for school. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_nwr-mom-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ecff6c25-6584-48c4-9054-031bb21f7f82Post:d27bc5e6-64db-4656-8d97-a0083114286b">Re: NWR: Mom rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why would you defer until next year if you are accepted into the RN program this September??? That makes not sense and if I were your mom, I'd be pretty hacked off also.  I understand wanting to save money but you could not possibly make enough at the pizza place to pay for all of your tuition and living expenses.  I don't know where you are but if you can take out a government loan for school, do it.  Any debt that is an investment towards earning more money in the future is good debt.  It's not like you are maxing out a credit card on a designer purse.  I also wouldn't write off moving.  For generations people have moved to where the jobs are out of necessity.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    The reason I'm deferring is because of my financial situation. Yes, I do get paid well at this job, in fact I just got a $2.00/hour raise because my boss is impressed with how I've been doing in this new position; I'm a supervisor now, which is great. Mind you, it's not as great as what I would be making if I were working as a nurse, but such is life.
    I'm not only saving money for the wedding/HM, I'm saving money for my program. I'm trying to avoid putting myself into $15,000-20,000 worth of student debt. That is not something I want hanging over my head when FI and I are trying to buy our first home. We both have excellent credit, and having that much debt scares me, even if it is "good debt". I'd like to save up as much as I possibly can for my future, so I don't have to depend on loans. How does that not make sense?
    And moving for me is not an option. While there are more jobs up north (and by up north I mean northern British Columbia in Canada), I would have to upgrade so many of my LPN courses, I would actually have to spend a ridiculous amount to go up there, not to mention moving costs and higher living costs. The scope of practice for LPN's is larger up there, and they're doing things that I've never done, or been allowed to do down here, like IV's. So it's not really a feasible option for me.
    Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate it. As I said, my sister gives great advice, and she told me that this is not where I'm going to be forever, I have goals, and I'm going to achieve them. Sometimes life takes you places you didn't expect, or want to go, but you make the best of it.
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  • edited May 2012
    Stage is right that we hardly ever disagree but in this case we do.  OP - You've already admitted that you have to go back to school because you need an RN degree to make more money.  The best time to do this is while the job market sucks which it does right now.  A friend whom Stage and I have in common graduated a little while ago with an RN degree and she is having trouble landing a position.

    I left journalism to go to law school because I saw what TV news is really like on the inside and didn't want any part of it.  I had slugged out the recession in the early 90s (worked in a hardware store to pay undergrad tuition without taking out loans) and graduated just as the economy was on a booming upswing.  Had we still been in a recession, I probably would have gone straight into grad school like most of Gen -X did.  For law school, I picked a great time to go because we were about to enter the Great Recession.  After my first year in school, I worked part time at a firm and was able to take out less in student loans.

    Like Stage, I know what it is like to have a job way below your education.  For personal reasons, I left a skyrocketing career in Cleveland to start over in Philadelphia.  For two years, I worked in retail sales because the attorney job market here was and is quicksand.  I literally had to start at the bottom and work my way back into entry level.  There was more than one night that I was in tears on the drive home.

    Stage is right that you have to do what is best for you.  I was the girl hyperventilating every time I had to fill out the student loan paperwork because I was raised to believe that d-e-b-t- is the worst of the four letter words.  Life is a risk at every turn though.  It's a risk to take on debt and it's a risk to not go to school now.  You have to decide which risk you are most comfortable with.
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