MOH problems - rant warning

broomstick88

she's been my best friend for 13 years and i lvoe her to death. but with this wedding i'm realizing that i've always been kind of her mom. i'm kind of tired of being her mom and my wedding isn't really the place i want to need to mother her.

i'm having a problem with her being MIA any time i need to chat or have a question. it took me 2 weeks to get the answer to "chicekn or steak" for the rehersal dinner. i had to hunt her down to pick up her dress from the salon (out of my way by close to an hour, 20 minutes from her house). i;ve tried hagning out with her in a non wedding setting and she doesn't show up or changes the plans at the last minute so we go to her house.

also, she's flat out rude to my finace and my other friends. she doesn't introduce herself to people, she ignored all my friends at a party we had so she could sit and play with my dog. (she showed up to the dinner party is a corset and fleece pants. ) she showed up so late to my bachlorette party that we missed the train and forgot her money so i had to pay for both my and her ticket to get to the city. she got so completly drunk that i spent the second half of my bachlorette in the bathroom holding her hair back. i'm starting to get annoyed.

the only thing i asked of her was to buy the dress and show up at both the rehersal and the wedding on time. i'm paying for her to get her hair and nails done, i haven't asked her to do ANYTHING!!!!! but is it wrong to ask for decent manners and a courtesy call once in a while. i didn't think that was outside the relms of friendship.

does anyone have any tips on how to handle somone i'm not sure will be able to keep in with the wedding timeline. i'm already having her sleepover at the hotel with me the night before but she says she might have to "run out" beofre the wedding for a quick couple of errands.

MobKaz

It sounds as if your friend may never learn to be responsible, in part, because she doesn't have to worry.  It sounds to me that you do act as a parent with her, and my guess is that she expects you to "cover" her. 

As a parent, had my child not indicated a meal preference, I would have made my best guess.  When dinner was served, if it was not to her liking......so sad, too bad.....that's what irresponsibility gets you!  Late for the party?  She should be the one finding alternative transportation.  That would also make her realize she left without money.

You may say you can't be a friend like that, but she is certainly not acting like a friend.  And, it sounds as if this has been going on for most of the "friendship".  If she hasn't shown decent manners or reciprocal consideration in all that time, I would not expect it now.

Are you really sure you want to spend the night before your wedding with her?  That night should be fun, relaxing, and stress free.  It sounds as if you just invited the complete opposite.  She doesn't need a babysitter or a parent.  I would urge you to rethink your wedding eve plan.  Let your friend figure it out.  If she screws up and doesn't show up......you have a pretty good answer as to just how good a friend she is.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-rant-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ed279fc6-52d0-4347-a703-f3acd40fc9abPost:0b4bf741-3e24-49fd-99e0-8ff722818385">MOH problems - rant warning</a>:
[QUOTE]she's been my best friend for 13 years and i lvoe her to death. but with this wedding i'm realizing that i've always been kind of her mom. i'm kind of tired of being her mom and my wedding isn't really the place i want to need to mother her. i'm having a problem with her being MIA any time i need to chat or have a question. it took me 2 weeks to get the answer to "chicekn or steak" for the rehersal dinner. i had to hunt her down to pick up her dress from the salon (out of my way by close to an hour, 20 minutes from her house). i;ve tried hagning out with her in a non wedding setting and she doesn't show up or changes the plans at the last minute so we go to her house. also, she's flat out rude to my finace and my other friends. she doesn't introduce herself to people, she ignored all my friends at a party we had so she could sit and play with my dog. (she showed up to the dinner party is a corset and fleece pants. ) she showed up so late to my bachlorette party that we missed the train and forgot her money so i had to pay for both my and her ticket to get to the city. she got so completly drunk that i spent the second half of my bachlorette in the bathroom holding her hair back. i'm starting to get annoyed. the only thing i asked of her was to buy the dress and show up at both the rehersal and the wedding on time. i'm paying for her to get her hair and nails done, i haven't asked her to do ANYTHING!!!!! but is it wrong to ask for decent manners and a courtesy call once in a while. i didn't think that was outside the relms of friendship. does anyone have any tips on how to handle somone i'm not sure will be able to keep in with the wedding timeline. i'm already having her sleepover at the hotel with me the night before but she says she might have to "run out" beofre the wedding for a quick couple of errands.
Posted by broomstick88[/QUOTE]

Why on earth should she learn to wipe her own butt when you've proven throughout the entire duration of your friendship that you're more than willing to do it for her?

MairePoppy

Stop mothering this adult. You should not have chased her down to pick up her dress or make the menu selection for the RD. When she was late meeting you for the train, you should have gone ahead without her. Let her find solutions to the messes she gets herself into.

Tell your friend that you are not going to be her hair holder at your wedding and you are not going to wait for her if she late returning from her errands. Then follow through.

jnjmommy0609

Best way to handle it? Stop all your actions. Your friend sounds like an absolute mess and she will never get out of it if she never learns to handle her own.

Pinkstarshine1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-rant-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ed279fc6-52d0-4347-a703-f3acd40fc9abPost:1e40c04e-039d-4508-af1e-5c9551400843">Re: MOH problems - rant warning</a>:
[QUOTE]the only thing i asked of her was to buy the dress and show up at both the rehersal and the wedding on time Doesn't sound like it, from some of your remarks above. You said you call her to ask questions, including about your menu. That's not her job - that's your job and your fiance's.  Why didn't you ask HIM about the menu? Other people get "weddinged out" very quickly.  Do you ever call her to talk about NON-wedding things?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



I think what the OP meant when saying she asked this friend of hers about the menu is that she was trying to get an answer from her in regards to what she wanted to eat at the rehearsal dinner. I don't think she meant she was involving her in deciding on what's on the menu...at least that's how I am understanding it.

Pinkstarshine1

I do agree with everyone else, though. Stop making her dumb behavior your problem. It's not worth the stress and frustration!

RebekahM0402

I completely understand your concern, it's like you understand that she shouldn't be babied but at the same time it is your wedding, and you have to do what is needed to be prepared. I mean you can't just let one bridesmaid slacking stop your wedding from happening.  Just let her know that you need her to get her act together, seeing as you are getting married in 3 days you need as much support as you can get!

RebekahM0402

I am not saying it would keep the Bride from getting married, but it could prohibit her from things that she wanted to happen.  If she wants her best friend by her side, thats what she expects.

And I don't mean support as in to actually walk down the aisle, but there are so many stressful elements about wedding planning, and it is nice to have someone to talk to without feeling like they are not on the same page as you.

I thought this was supposed to be a community with us supporting each other, not tearing people down. We all went through or are going through the same process, we should be asking questions or commenting in a helpful manner.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-rant-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ed279fc6-52d0-4347-a703-f3acd40fc9abPost:12b5d88b-1733-449d-a441-931ab6c5eda3">Re: MOH problems - rant warning</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not saying it would keep the Bride from getting married, but it could prohibit her from things that she wanted to happen.  If she wants her best friend by her side, thats what she expects. And I don't mean support as in to actually walk down the aisle, but there are so many stressful elements about wedding planning, and <strong>it is nice to have someone to talk to</strong> without feeling like they are not on the same page as you. I thought this was supposed to be a community with us supporting each other, not tearing people down. We all went through or are going through the same process, we should be asking questions or <strong>commenting in a helpful manner</strong>.
Posted by RebekahM0402[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it is called your FI.

We are commenting in a helpful manner.  We telling her to stop babying her friend.  We are telling her to stop expecting certain things from people or for people to change just because she is getting married  If someone has always acted a certain way a wedding is not going to change them.  A wedding and the planning process is a happy time.  Stress only comes into play if a bride lets it.  Wedding planning is not automatically stressful.  The only time that it becomes stressful is when we let it.