Moms and Maids

FMIL and Family- Irritated Rant

It's really not a big deal but I need to rant about it anyway. We're in the midst of working on our invitation wording. Our entire engagement/ wedding has been very long and rather stressful and his family has been nothing but a burden the entire time- for both of us. He's in a different country, I'm in the US. My parents are paying for the wedding, my parents offered to help his family fly out, my parents sent his family Christmas gifts, my parents have bent over backwards to try and make his family feel included and a part of everything. 

In the meantime, his mom has sent me emails asking me why we even have to get married since she doesn't believe in it, his mother and grandmother have both hollered around about how the only reason we're having a wedding in America is to keep his family locked out and to "spite them". They "can't afford" to come out here but have gone on multiple trips around Europe fully aware that my Fiance is getting married in a different country. And let's not even get into the hassle we've had over trying to get addresses for his family- I still don't have them. Evidently no one does. 

And so here we are, it's time to write up the wedding invites since we are FINALLY getting married hopefully because we're going to make it through the last phase of immigration without any problems (knock on wood), and in order to avoid problems -.- we're having to add his mother's name so that his family doesn't feel further slighted. 

I am annoyed. 

I'll do it, and I won't fuss about it because it's a small thing to take off his plate of worries; especially since his mother loves to just swoop down like a screeching harpy and hound him. But I am definitely annoyed. We've not had one pleasant thing said by his family, not gotten a card, not a congratulations, nothing. From the get-go we've been complained at and b***ched at for how we've handled things. But to make myself feel better I'm putting her name where it deserves to go (if it deserves to go anywhere). MY parents are holding the wedding. She is mentioned under his name in the great 

son of *insert Single MISS fmil* 

And that's IT.

Thank you for letting me rant ladies <3

Re: FMIL and Family- Irritated Rant

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To me, it sounds like FMIL is jealous, and possibly just a miserable person in general. So unless I am missing some kind of different customs or something between the country she lives in I would actually just start ignoring her and not involve her in anything until she gets a mood change. I would also make sure your FI starts setting up boundaries with her and when she starts becoming that rude that HE deals with her and tells her to back off the nastiness or risk loosing more contact with him. Glad you vented, sounds like you have one peach of a FMIL.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-family-small-irritated-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ee7c9458-9165-48d1-b92f-3f24698be080Post:0f615913-353a-4a73-b0f4-2a9ed687556c">FMIL and Family- Irritated Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's really not a big deal but I need to rant about it anyway. We're in the midst of working on our invitation wording. Our entire engagement/ wedding has been very long and rather stressful and his family has been nothing but a burden the entire time- for both of us. He's in a different country, I'm in the US. My parents are paying for the wedding, my parents offered to help his family fly out, my parents sent his family Christmas gifts, my parents have bent over backwards to try and make his family feel included and a part of everything.  In the meantime, his mom has sent me emails asking me why we even have to get married since she doesn't believe in it, his mother and grandmother have both hollered around about how the only reason we're having a wedding in America is to keep his family locked out and to "spite them". They "can't afford" to come out here but have gone on multiple trips around Europe fully aware that my Fiance is getting married in a different country. And let's not even get into the hassle we've had over trying to get addresses for his family- I still don't have them. Evidently no one does.  And so here we are, it's time to write up the wedding invites since we are FINALLY getting married hopefully because we're going to make it through the last phase of immigration without any problems (knock on wood), and in order to avoid problems -.- we're having to add his mother's name so that his family doesn't feel further slighted.  I am annoyed.  I'll do it, and I won't fuss about it because it's a small thing to take off his plate of worries; especially since his mother loves to just swoop down like a screeching harpy and hound him. But I am definitely annoyed. We've not had one pleasant thing said by his family, not gotten a card, not a congratulations, nothing. From the get-go we've been complained at and b***ched at for how we've handled things. But to make myself feel better I'm putting her name where it deserves to go (if it deserves to go anywhere). MY parents are holding the wedding. She is mentioned under his name in the great  son of *insert Single MISS fmil*  And that's IT. Thank you for letting me rant ladies <3
    Posted by mymissmochakitty[/QUOTE]

    Two questions.

    First, does your FI have email?

    Second, does your email provider offer a FORWARD option?

    You see where I'm going with this? Your FI should be dealing with his family, not you.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh he does deal with them. We had a major blow up back in March at which point I said enough, they're your family not mine, I refuse to be in the middle of this. 

    I'm just irked about it. In a perfect world we could leave her off and she'd go "Oh gosh, look at these beautiful invitiations" and not care that her name isn't there. But the world isn't perfect lol. 
  • edited December 2011
    did you ever stop to think that you will have to "deal" with this family after the wedding, are you sure you want to marry into this family. Ziti is right your fiance should be dealing with this, when fiance's dont' deal with family issues, watch out honey you will be next.  Run forest run
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