Moms and Maids

Can't seem to get my MOH excited and proactive!

Re: Can't seem to get my MOH excited and proactive!

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-seem-moh-excited-proactive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ee8f0b6e-776f-4afe-b736-dc30c28d8472Post:e350825b-e59c-42ff-81d5-676bf810bcb0">HELP: Can't seem to get my MOH excited and proactive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've asked my best friend of 16 years to be my MOH (obvious choice, yeah?), but unfortunately, she's never done this before.  It hasn't occurred to me until now that she's not the most proactive person (never really the one to throw parties -- that was always me!), which, as a young inexperienced bride, I'm finding I need.  Her passiveness is starting to worry me: she hasn't asked me anything about the shower or my bachelorette and my wedding is in 6 months. I'm thinking of getting her a cute "MOH" tote with some goodies and a guidebook inside to try to get the message across that I NEED her help in this huge undertaking. Luckily, she's always will to come with me to try on dresses.  (Still haven't found one yet! ACK!) <font color="#000000"><strong>Any ideas for how I can delicately let my MOH (and my other bridesmaids know) that this job I've asked them to do is more than just walking down the aisle and looking perdy?</strong> </font>[Note: My parents are being extremely difficult, both financially and emotionally, regarding my wedding as well. This is why I really do need the support of my maids. I'll explain all that in another post, though.]
    Posted by kaelibailey[/QUOTE]

    Nope, because that's all they have to do.  WP means Wedding Party, not Wedding Planner.  If your wedding is too much for you to handle, get help from the guy who put the ring on your finger.  It's his wedding too.

    If that's not an option, then you either scale back the wedding to what you can do, or you hire a professional wedding planner to do it for you.

    Please don't expect your WP to help you plan and/or execute their wedding.   And for heaven's sake, don't give your friend a MOH guide book.  That would be absolutely insulting and you'd look like a huge bridezilla.

    Step away from the wedding magazines, websites, tv shows, and bride's books.  They're trying to sell a product, and they're very, very good at sucking women into their frenzied vortex.

    This is a wedding.  It's a happy event.  You don't really need "support" for a happy event after all.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You shower and bachelorette party are gifts from your BM (or any other person that wants to throw you one), and as a gift it should not be expected.  Not everyone has these parties.  You cannot ask or tell anyone that they should host this party.  If someone does offer to throw you one or both of these parties then you should have no part in the planning.

    Also, your parents are in no way obligated to pay for your wedding.  If they offer a certain amount or to pay for a particular thing then that's great, but if not then you can't do anything about that.  That's their money and they can choose not to use it for your wedding.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto Trix.
    Please realize the showers and bps are gifts to the bride, not entitilements.
    It's a bit early to worry about these things, anyway. It doesn't take 6 months to plan a simple shower or bp.
                       
  • lucy2113lucy2113 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You can't push or gently "nudge" her to help you. If she wants to help then great! If not then there isn't anything you can do. Your FI and you need to sit down and think about what the two of want Together. Its his day too. If someone handed me a "goodie" bag I would feel like a slap in the face.As for the the Bridal Shower and Bach party, if she wants to help with it she will. Its like giving you a gift. She can choose to give it to you or not. Her life wont stop so that she can plan every aspect or your wedding. Your MOH had a life too.  Just accept it. 

    Holiday
  • edited December 2011
    PPs are correct.  If they WANT to do more, that their choice to do so.  But hey, put yourself in her shoes.  How would you feel if your best friend in the world told that you you sucked as her MOH?  Because that's basically what you're telling her, just not in those words.  If she wants to plan you a shower or a bachelorette, she will.  But you're not ENTITLED to these things, and while they are customary, if they don't happen, you'll live.  The only person you should be asking for support or help from is your FI.

    FWIW, according to my MOH, my shower was planned in 2.5 months from start to shower date.  The time frame for her shower was about the same.  Relax.
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Print these words out.  Tape them to your mirror.  Repeat them over and over until it sinks in.

    No one will be as excited about or care about my wedding as much as I will, and that's okay.

    Your wedding is yours and your FI's to plan and execute.  Not your MOH, not your other BMs, not your parents.  You need support for sad and difficult times, and a wedding is a happy time, and ultimately, an unnecessary party.  If you need moral support to plan a party, you're doing it wrong.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    OP, you were quoted.  It never goes away once you've been quoted, and now, you just look silly.
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
  • lucy2113lucy2113 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe it wasn't the answer she was looking for. Saisongbird, you are soo right, she "took" it "back" and now she does look silly.
    Holiday
  • edited December 2011
    Despite fact that the bride has taken her blocks and gone home, let me just tell you all, as a MOH, you've MADE MY DAY!  You girls are great!  Thank you. 
  • edited December 2011
    umm..... job?

    Is she getting paid? lol.. this is what a wedding planner is for.

    All your bridesmaids need to do is dress up and stand next to you to support you on your wedding day.

    I think you have been mislead as to what BM do.

    I did everything myself. The only thing my BM did was plan a bachelorette and I am sooo thankful for that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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