I haven't been on this site in a long time (since I was planning my 2006 wedding) but I thought maybe some of you could help me out. I am standing up in a wedding but I am not friends with the bride. I am good friends with the groom, and both my DH and I are standing up. I don't really know her that well, and I'm not sure how to approach this situation, given that the wedding is less than two weeks away.
A little over a month ago, the bride e-mailed all the bridesmaids to tell us that she had decided we did not all need to get our hair done identically (generous, huh?) and that we could make appointments wherever we wanted, but that she would prefer if longer hair was pulled up. (She says she thinks it would be great if we all did something with curls and an updo.) Because my husband and I are already paying so much money for this wedding (my dress was $150, his tux was $150, $50 for my shoes, plus airfare and a rental car because we live out of state, not to mention meals when we are not at the wedding festivities), I decided I would just do my own hair in a simple updo. I e-mailed her and told her this, but got no response. Again, because we're not friends and hardly ever talk (I've only met her four times), I didn't hound her but took her non-response as acceptance.
Then, about a week ago, she sent another e-mail out to all the bridesmaids "reminding" us that she wants us all to have a formal updo for the wedding, and to let her know if we have had trouble making an appointment at a salon. What gives? Shouldn't she have told me before if she wasn't OK with me doing my own hair? And it seems to me that if a bride is requiring her bridesmaids to have their hair done "formally" that she should pay for it, yes? (Of course, since she also told us in that e-mail not to worry about jewelry because her gift to us will be matching jewelry for the wedding, I doubt she thinks that way. Gag.)
I'm just not sure what to do. I practiced styling my own hair this morning, and I'm sure it doesn't look as "formal" as she has in mind, but it's cheaper than the $100 I'll be spending on an updo. My husband doesn't want me to get it done because he says she should have told me clearly if she wanted that, instead of beating around the bush (he actually thinks I should wear it down just to annoy her). My mom says she will pay for me to get it done, basically because she doesn't want this bride taking out her frustration on my friend, so it's not a money thing, but more of a principle thing. I have an appointment made, but I'm not sure if I'll keep it.
It's hard for me to understand this kind of expectation -- when I got married, I just asked my bridesmaids to have a long black dress, but they didn't even all get the same one, let alone all get their hair done. I have no patience for the bride-as-dictator. But, this woman has pressured our friend to cancel plans with us more than half the times we've made them in the last year because she doesn't like his friends (hence why I've only met her a few times), and I'm worried that if I make her mad it will cause her to do that even more.
Sorry that's so long, but wow did it feel good to vent! Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks y'all!