Moms and Maids

Christmas Gift for FH's Grandmother

I know I know it's not even Halloween. I am a traditionalist and don't like to buy Christmas gifts or anything "Christmasy" until after thanksgiving but my FH's grandmother is impossible. His parents have both passed away and he is very close to his grandmother on his Mom's side. Since we have been together every year for Christmas she regifts me her unwanted Christmas gifts. I tried to talk to FH about it but he didn't think much of it. It hurts especially when I go out on a limb to buy her something. Any ideas what I could get her this year that would be personal and help her feel a bit more like I am not "stealing" him from her? I feel like she regifts everything just to make me feel bad. I know she regifts the gift because she doesn't have the decency to take the tag or put a new one on over it.

Re: Christmas Gift for FH's Grandmother

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    So, do you think the regifting is a passive aggressive move, or does she do this with other people?
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    I truly believe she is just doing this with me. When we spent Christmas with his family the first year we where a couple she had new gifts for everyone and I got a regift. Last Christmas we stayed home and had Christmas with my family she sent a gift for FH and me too and mine was a regift.
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    I do think your FI is being a tool for "not thinking much of it", he just doesn't want to cross his g'ma.  As a gift receiver, I would never say a word, but if my g'ma was doing that repeatedly to my husband, including the old tags, I might have to say something.

    In all honesty, I think you have 2 choices here.  You can suck into her game, or you can make it your own.  I would just make kind of a game out of it with my FI/DH regarding what regifted item will I get this year, and where can I donate it so it does the most good?

    Quit going out on a limb buying her gifts if it ties up too much emotion for you.  Just buy her something decent and be done.  You need to choose to not let this old woman get to you.  You can't control what she does, but you can control how you react to it.
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    How sad that this woman has decided that the end punctuation to the story of her life has to be something ugly. Just pity her for the lonely creature she must be, and keep the high ground. I too would council that you not try so very hard to please her, because it opens you up for disappointment. I'd start getting her socks every year or something. Everyone needs a fluffy pair of socks!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



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    My MIL was like that, but with everybody. She didn't enjoy shopping for gifts. Don't put so much effort into shopping for Fi's grandmother. Socks, gloves, guest soaps, hand lotion, chocolates.

    Donate the stuff she gives you to the Salvation Army, nursing home or shelter. You won't have it around as a reminder and someone else will appreciate it.
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    thanks. the sad thing is i have chronic pain and it is hard for me to travel to see them but i have made an effort to see them and she acts like i dont. (FH's grandparents are 4 hours away from us). i stopped making an effort to go see them during christams as it is so important for my family and it is my dad's birthday.
    looks like the salvation army will be getting a donation this year.
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    My FMIL re-gifts things and she even will give away something she literally just opened.  (Not joking, she opens a Christmas present and then says, "Who wants this?")  She also gets upset when we don't like what she got us.  Regardless of what it is.  We ask her what she wants every year, and she never asks us.  The good news is, she does this to everyone.  We laugh about it and guess what crazy thing we will get this year.  My favorite was the year we all got a shoe-box full of super cheap toothbrushes.  They were so bad, I didn't even think they were worth donating.  Like one-time use brushes.  

    I agree with MariePoppy.  Don't put so much effort into picking something out.   And then donate what you get.
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