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Mother of the Groom Help ASAP

I'm getting married in less than two months, and well, I saw my fiance's mother's dress last night... OMG TOO DRESSY!! It's gorgeous- but its a one shoulder, full length dress with a little poof (very plain otherwise, but has rouching at the sides)... I'd wear it to a prom... or a ball.

First off, my mom is wearing a silk pantsuit. I don't know exactly what it's like- because she wants to surprise me, but I know it's not that dressy. It's formal, but not comparable to a ball gown. My bridesmaids have tea-length dresses, and my matron of honor's is short- cocktail length...and his mother knows this!! 
I also told her about my mom's outfit-- all before she bought her dress. I'd say her dress may be even comparable to mine in formality.

This is probably stupid, but number one- I was so taken aback I couldn't even think to be like um no. Number two- she was really excited and I frankly didn't have the heart to be like 'wow. inappropriate.' Number three- I don't feel comfortable being like 'no, you can't wear that.' or 'No, you shouldn't wear that.'
I tried to drop hints to my fiance.... he was like 'who cares what anyone wears??'
(OMG it's inappropriate number one, number two if you want my family for the next 30 years to be talking about how uppity your family is, then fine.) So I explained how it's inappropriate for a guest- particularly the mother of the bride or groom to be more formal than the bridal party... and he's like 'well, I told you, we're Latino. They like to show off and get super dressy.' and I'm like- well that's still inappropriate. And not to snub your culture, but going dressier than the bridal party is rude and disrespectful.

He did finally then say he'd mention it to her- but I wasn't supposed to tell anyone she showed me. So I don't want it to be like I ran back and tattled and had a fit (which I totally did do- minus the fit). I'm hoping he'll just be like 'what are you wearing?' and she'll tell him, or if she doesn't, he says 'ok, just don't be too formal...' or something along those lines... but A) what if he doesn't? B) what if she doesn't get it or listen??

I feel like the solution to this really is me going and being like 'I thought about it, and I looked at the girls dresses again, and their's are a little more casual, and not quite as formal as yours, so maybe it's not a good idea...' but I'm a big sissy and really really don't want to do that... I don't feel comfortable enough to do that, which is probably wrong, but that's where I'm at right now, especially since when her other son got married, she and her daughter-in-law were constantly butting heads, and there's no relationship there now.

So, suggestions??

PS-- she also had seen my sister's wedding album. My sister's wedding was much more formal than mine, and my mom wore a dressy pantsuit to that too (it's in all the photos)... why would she assume my mother would be dressier at my less-formal wedding than my sister's? I'd like to chalk it up to his mom being excited, but I don't know.. common sense please.


Re: Mother of the Groom Help ASAP

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8dceb21-b555-42aa-a90b-0ae3fb9d5755Post:f48c5f69-5fdc-42df-9a9b-8499fda8c6e9">Mother of the Groom Help ASAP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married in less than two months, and well, I saw my fiance's mother's dress last night... OMG TOO DRESSY!! It's gorgeous- but its a one shoulder, full length dress with a little poof (very plain otherwise, but has rouching at the sides)... I'd wear it to a prom... or a ball. First off, my mom is wearing a silk pantsuit. I don't know exactly what it's like- because she wants to surprise me, but I know it's not that dressy. It's formal, but not comparable to a ball gown. My bridesmaids have tea-length dresses, and my matron of honor's is short- cocktail length...and his mother knows this!!  I also told her about my mom's outfit-- all before she bought her dress. I'd say her dress may be even comparable to mine in formality. This is probably stupid, but number one- I was so taken aback I couldn't even think to be like um no. Number two- she was really excited and I frankly didn't have the heart to be like 'wow. inappropriate.' Number three- I don't feel comfortable being like 'no, you can't wear that.' or 'No, you shouldn't wear that.' I tried to drop hints to my fiance.... he was like 'who cares what anyone wears??' (OMG it's inappropriate number one, number two if you want my family for the next 30 years to be talking about how uppity your family is, then fine.) So I explained how it's inappropriate for a guest- particularly the mother of the bride or groom to be more formal than the bridal party... and he's like 'well, I told you, we're Latino. They like to show off and get super dressy.' and I'm like- well that's still inappropriate. And not to snub your culture, but going dressier than the bridal party is rude and disrespectful. He did finally then say he'd mention it to her- but I wasn't supposed to tell anyone she showed me. So I don't want it to be like I ran back and tattled and had a fit (which I totally did do- minus the fit). I'm hoping he'll just be like 'what are you wearing?' and she'll tell him, or if she doesn't, he says 'ok, just don't be too formal...' or something along those lines... but A) what if he doesn't? B) what if she doesn't get it or listen?? I feel like the solution to this really is me going and being like 'I thought about it, and I looked at the girls dresses again, and their's are a little more casual, and not quite as formal as yours, so maybe it's not a good idea...' but I'm a big sissy and really really don't want to do that... I don't feel comfortable enough to do that, which is probably wrong, but that's where I'm at right now, especially since when her other son got married, she and her daughter-in-law were constantly butting heads, and there's no relationship there now. So, suggestions?? PS-- she also had seen my sister's wedding album. My sister's wedding was much more formal than mine, and my mom wore a dressy pantsuit to that too (it's in all the photos)... why would she assume my mother would be dressier at my less-formal wedding than my sister's? I'd like to chalk it up to his mom being excited, but I don't know.. common sense please.
    Posted by Krempn14[/QUOTE]


    Relax.  You don't get to choose the MOG's dress.  You don't get to choose the MOB's dress.  You get to choose your dress, and if you want, your BMs dresses.  That's it.

    Your FMIL's dress doesn't have to match your mother's dress.  It's nice if she doesn't wear a big white dress, but that's really the ONLY requirement.

    In the 1200 photos that will be taken that day, your FMIL will not be in ANY with the full WP.  She'll be a less than a dozen with you, your FI, and your mom and dad. 

    Your FMIL's choice of dress will not reflect on you, it will reflect on her.  No one is going to leave your wedding saying "OMG, I can't believe that Krempn allowed his mom to wear that dress."

    Is it really worth starting your married life with your FMIL in a snit over a dress?  She's going to be your FMIL for a long, long time.  She's going to be your children's grandmother.  Is a lousy relationship because of a dress worth it?

    Your conversation with your FMIL should be the one my wonderful DIL had with me.  (Did I mention that my DIL and wonderful and I adore her?)

    Me:  What do you want me to wear for the wedding?
    DIL:  Whatever you feel beautiful and comfortable in.

    Yeah-that's why I adore my DIL.  Because she understands what matters.

    My DD's MIL chose a dress that neither DD nor I would even try on, much less buy and wear.  But she loved it.  And she felt great in it.  So DD was happy because her MIL was happy.  Did it match my dress?  Nope, not at all.  Completely different styles.  Did it match the BM dresses?  Nope, not at all.  Completely different style.

    You're both overthinking this, and overreacting.  Stop it.  It's just not your call.  And if you cause a stink over it, the only person who's going to come out looking bad is.....you.

    Sorry.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she's doing what the norm is for her culture.

    All you can say is, "That is beautiful!" and move on.  The dress is purchased and in the closet and hopefully YOUR family won't be talking about a woman being too well dressed for your wedding.

    Sure, it may be overkill, but if your FI is saying that this is what women in his family/culture do, then you can't control it.


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    edited December 2011
    Well, the thing is, is that when he describes it as 'his culture', its not so much about culture and tradition, as it is about one-upping everyone. He flat out said- the women in my family are always trying to top everyone in any situation. And I'm sorry, I'm not a fussy bride (my bridesmaids are all wearing different dresses- so long as they're the same color and fabric- whatever they're comfortable in, and they can wear whatever shoes they want as long as they're pale gold), but I do think it's inappropriate to upstage a bride on her day.

    It's not so much even that her dress is dressier than the girls or my mom's outfit (which his mother did ask me what mine was wearing because she wanted to coordinate, so I'm hazy on why then she's not doing that)- but aside from the color, it could be worn as a wedding dress- I actually did look at something similar (which she was with me for, and saw I went for something way less formal). I don't expect her to 'match' my mom, but she wanted to wear something equal in style, and she's going above and beyond 10 fold.

    I don't think it would get us off on a bad note- we do get along very well, and her problems with her other daughter in law extend past wedding issues and I'd say my future mother in law is far less at fault.

    You guys are right- I don't want to make a fuss, nor do I feel like I should. Which is why I feel torn. I don't want to be fussy and bridezilla-esque and dictate what she should wear, but I also feel like it was a little hurtful on her part that she's wearing something just as dressy as the bride is. I also don't want her to be uncomfortable as the only black-tie dressed person in attendance.

    His parents are very well to do, and though mine are successful, we're a bit more simple where I come from (and where the wedding is) and more laid back. Kind as they are, they often act as though we're simpletons because we don't go out with $10,000 worth of jewelry on at the grocery store. They are used to going to million-dollar weddings, where men wear tails and women are all in ballgowns, but this is not one of them.

    Again, if it were a significant culture tradtion, I'd zip the lip and never think about it again. But if this is about her upstaging her sisters and sisters in law and being the center of attention, I'm sorry but I don't think that's right. And my fiance gets very embarrassed by that behavior, and at the start of things asked her to please not go overboard-- so I feel like she's not only being a bit disrespectful to me, but to him as well. And I know he's going to be upset about it once he sees it, and I'm often in the position of running intereference between him and his parents, and I don't want to do that with this.

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    All you can do is smile about it though.  If this is how she is then there's no changing her.

    And if people get upset, just relax about it.  If it's not in her character to blend then I doubt she's gonig to start "blending" at this point.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nobody has any obligation to be less formal than the WP or even the bride.  Most people aren't going to have the slighest idea what you or your WP will be wearing.  They are going to dress based on their impression of the formality of the event, what they are used to at weddings, and what they feel like wearing, and they're not going to ask your permission.  If somebody is used to attending very formal weddings where full length gowns are appropriate, then that's what they'll wear.

    Nobody is going to upstage the bride on her wedding day, no matter how fancy or formal her dress is.  You are also not going to change the type of person your FMIL is or the relationship she has with her family, and trying to tell her she's wrong is only going to make your life more difficult.  You need to let this go and not try to dictate what people wear.
    Married 10/2/10
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    edited December 2011
    The only way your FMIL will upstage you is if you let her by having this woe is me attitude.  Stop caring!  You picked your dress and it will look beautiful.  The confidence and love you will be exuding that day will make you more beautiful than your FMIL could ever be in her over the top dress.  People will be looking at you and FI and will understand that FMIL went a bit overboard.  Get over it and remember what is really important.  When it is all said and done you will be married to a man you love and the dresses and flowers and food and formality or lack there of will not matter one bit.

    A wedding is not meant to be 'your time to shine' it is meant to be a public expression of love and commitment. Check yourself.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    orangecrayonorangecrayon member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can't control what other people wear. And why should it bother you? She's comfortable in that style of a dress, she CHOSE that dress because she is HAPPY and EXCITED for her son, let her do what she wants.

    I wouldn't say anything to her and I wouldn't like FI tell her anything either.
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    edited December 2011
    Trix, once again, is correct.

    Krempon-let's just chalk it up to a difference in taste. Your mom is more 'understated grace' while his mom is 'over the top celebration' style. Both moms love their outfits and probably feel beautiful in them. Your fmil was so pleased with her choice that she couldn't wait to show it to you.

    If your family talks about the MOG's dress in a negative way, then that is a poor reflection on their manners, not her's. You don't really believe your family is like that, do you?

    Be a nice DIL, tell her she looks beautiful in her dress, tell your mom the same. Remember this is an important celebration for her and she is trying to reflect that through her clothing choice. Many years from now, when you look at that album, you'll smile at those personalities shining through.
                       
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    edited December 2011
    What kind of wedding are you having? What kind of reception? Maybe the problem isn't her fancy dress but your mother's pantsuit. Honestly, I have more of a problem with your mother wearing a pantsuit. That is real casual.

    You can't get mad at her because she is more dressed up than your BMs. Maybe your BMs aren't dressed formal enough.  Can't really say unless you described how formal your wedding will be.

    In any event, she is not going to be happy if she can't wear this dress. Don't expect her to purchase a pant suit.


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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>No one is going to leave your wedding saying "OMG, I can't believe that Krempn allowed his mom to wear that dress."

    Uh, yes they will.

    And you'll have to deal, because the pp's are right in telling you to let this go.  Your FMIL has chosen her dress, and ....  and ....  well, that's it.
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8dceb21-b555-42aa-a90b-0ae3fb9d5755Post:57d87e93-db73-4e64-91c4-b9426ac16441">Re: Mother of the Groom Help ASAP</a>:
    [QUOTE]What kind of wedding are you having? What kind of reception? Maybe the problem isn't her fancy dress but your mother's pantsuit. Honestly, I have more of a problem with your mother wearing a pantsuit. That is real casual. You can't get mad at her because she is more dressed up than your BMs. Maybe your BMs aren't dressed formal enough.  Can't really say unless you described how formal your wedding will be. In any event, she is not going to be happy if she can't wear this dress. Don't expect her to purchase a pant suit.
    Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

    Lisa?  No.

    If mom is happy in a pant suit, then she wears a pant suit.  This day is a big deal for immediate family and if mom is unhappy, uncomfortable, and unsure of herself in a gown, how does that help anyone?

    And how, exactly, can the bridesmaids not be dressed formal enough?  Ridiculous.

    OP doesn't want the Mother of the Groom to wear a pant suit, she wants her to wear something less formal.  Such dresses and gowns do exist!  But, I think making a big deal out of it will only hurt the OP in the long run. 

    Go with it, OP - if she's overdressed, then so be it.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kristin:  I disagree.  I think people may well leave the reception commenting about MOG dress.  But I don't think for a minute that they'll blame the Bride for what her MIL wore.  They'll know that she can't control what MOG wears~just like MOG can't control what the bride wears.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a MOB and a MOG,  even though what I'm wearing is important to me - I do want to look the best I possibly can - I honestly think if the day after either wedding, if I ask any of the guests what I wore that not a single one of them will remember and that's ok.The wedding is not about me.

     In fact, I kind of think my husband won't rememer either.


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    longman801longman801 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    Lisa8888-- its a super casual wedding. my bridesmaids are all wearing nu-georgette dresses that are tea length- except my matron of honor who is wearing a cocktail length dress. The wedding has basically got a beach-feel without the beach. It's dressy, but not black tie. and my mother's pansuit is silk and the top has a little bit of beading, so it's not like it's something someone would wear to the office. And no one is asking his mother to wear the same thing as mine, I'm just saying a ballgown is over-doing it. Wear a dress.. wear a cocktail dress, even wear a long dress.. I have no problem with that.

    And thanks Joy, you're totally right. In most bridal guides all over the place, it's the bride's dress and the bridesmaids' dresses that set the tone of formality of the occasion. So there's no such thing as too dressy or not dressy enough for them (I'm sorry, but the previous comment by Lisa that they aren't dressy enough is just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard- how is that even possible??). Everywhere I looked (online and books) said that if guests and MOGs and MOBs are unsure of how to dress, look to the bridesmaids dresses to set the tone.

    Trix- you are too (and I . I talked to my mom about without actually telling her I saw MOG's dress..)and she said the same thing- it's not a reflection on me. She doesn't care what his mother wears because she's out to have a good time and she's the last person my mother will be thinking about. And she said it would be inappropriate to comment or make a suggestion to her- even if I'm doing it for her benefit. She knows what the girls are wearing, what I'm wearing, and if she wants to over-dress us, so be it. She'll be the one who is uncomfortable.

    I told my fiance to please not mention it to her. But he still wants to remind her to not go overboard, as he asked her this multiple times already. And he's upset about the fact that this only has to do with her 'Keeping Up with the Jones' mentality. I told him that's his prerogative, but I'm staying out of it henceforth.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8dceb21-b555-42aa-a90b-0ae3fb9d5755Post:1790d307-7d1f-4b2b-85b0-ce04b93e65e4">Re: Mother of the Groom Help ASAP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lisa8888 -- its a super casual wedding. my bridesmaids are all wearing nu-georgette dresses that are tea length- except my matron of honor who is wearing a cocktail length dress. The wedding has basically got a beach-feel without the beach. It's dressy, but not black tie. and my mother's pansuit is silk and the top has a little bit of beading, so it's not like it's something someone would wear to the office. And no one is asking his mother to wear the same thing as mine, I'm just saying a ballgown is over-doing it. Wear a dress.. wear a cocktail dress, even wear a long dress.. I have no problem with that. And thanks Joy, you're totally right. In most bridal guides all over the place, it's the bride's dress and the bridesmaids' dresses that set the tone of formality of the occasion. So there's no such thing as too dressy or not dressy enough for them (I'm sorry, but the previous comment by Lisa that they aren't dressy enough is just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard- how is that even possible??). Everywhere I looked (online and books) said that if guests and MOGs and MOBs are unsure of how to dress, look to the bridesmaids dresses to set the tone. Trix- you are too (and I . I talked to my mom about without actually telling her I saw MOG's dress..)and she said the same thing- it's not a reflection on me. She doesn't care what his mother wears because she's out to have a good time and she's the last person my mother will be thinking about. And she said it would be inappropriate to comment or make a suggestion to her- even if I'm doing it for her benefit. She knows what the girls are wearing, what I'm wearing, and if she wants to over-dress us, so be it. She'll be the one who is uncomfortable. I told my fiance to please not mention it to her. But he still wants to remind her to not go overboard, as he asked her this multiple times already. And he's upset about the fact that this only has to do with her 'Keeping Up with the Jones' mentality. I told him that's his prerogative, but I'm staying out of it henceforth.
    Posted by Krempn14[/QUOTE]

    You say it is a casual wedding but we have no idea how casual it is. I don't think your BM's dresses define how casual it is. Where is the wedding taking place? I think the venue has a lot to do with it. How are guests suppose to know how to dress? Most guests won't know how you and the BMs are dressing.

    You have the benefit of actually seeing this dress. We don't. You can't change a person's style of dress. This woman likes to dress up. This is important to her. You can't expect her to dress down to satisfy you.

    I'm glad to hear that you are dropping this issue. It would cause bad feelings.

    But I still don't understand how your mother wearing a pant suit is appropriate for your sister's fancy wedding and still appropriate for your casual wedding. It sounds like your mother wears pant suits no matter what and your FMIL dresses up no matter what. They have more in common than you think.
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    edited December 2011
    I've had a similar problem with my MOG, her dress is not nearly up to par with what my mother is wearing and nor do I consider it formal enough for our wedding. I have talked to my fiance about it though and I know her. It's hard enough to get her in a dress, let alone make her wear an extra fancy one. I've just decided to let it go. There are more important things and she'll be around forever, her dress, however, won't. lol.
    So, in other words, just try and see her in all of this, what is she comfortable with? What does she like? If it's a big frou-frou dress, let her have at it. No big deal. You're the star that day anyway :)
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    edited December 2011
    Re: You say it is a casual wedding but we have no idea how casual it is. I don't think your BM's dresses define how casual it is. Where is the wedding taking place? I think the venue has a lot to do with it. How are guests suppose to know how to dress? Most guests won't know how you and the BMs are dressing.
    ---My guests do  know, as we're not having a large wedding. It's all close family and friends, who are privy to this information. We're having a small ceremony in a church, and then having a small reception at a local reception venue, which accomodates all types and styles of events (weddings, communion parties, graduation parties, funeral brunches,  reunions, etc.) I think Emily Post, Martha Stewart et all know what they're talking about in bridal and event guides, as do the multiple wedding planners who've all said this guideline.

    Re: This is important to her. You can't expect her to dress down to satisfy you.
    ---I'm not asking her to dress down to satisfy me. First of all, I'm not asking at all. Secondly, if it were to be asked, it would be for her own benefit, because she's the type of person who would then feel uncomfortable and annoyed if she's the only over-dressed person, which would then come upon myself, my mother and her son. I'm fine dealing with it, I just don't want it to come down on anyone else.

    Re: But I still don't understand how your mother wearing a pant suit is appropriate for your sister's fancy wedding and still appropriate for your casual wedding. It sounds like your mother wears pant suits no matter what and your FMIL dresses up no matter what.
    --- It's appropriate depending upon the style of the suit. My mother is 65 years old, I'm pretty sure she knows what's a formal outfit involving pants, and what's a dressy but not formal/blacktie outfit involving pants. I don't know why one would assume that it's pants so therefore impossible to be dressy- particularly with the right accessorizing. Yves Saint Laurent certainly felt it was possible and made it happen, and I think he knew quite a bit more on fashion than any of us here on The Knot.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    kremp:  congrats on listening to the advice and accepting it.  And as a mom, I'm glad to hear that your mom and I agree.  This is one of those things that seems like a huge deal at first, and then you realize that in the grand scheme of things:  this is a blip, and you'll probably laugh about it in the coming years.

    Example:  We had our RD at my in-law's house.  What did my MIL wear?  A pair of polyester pants, a cobbler's apron, and her hair in curlers so she'd be ready the next day for the wedding.  I thought I might faint when I walked in and saw her.  But I never said a word, and thanked her for the delicious food she had prepared.

    Now my DH and I laugh about his mom in curlers....

    ETA:  I agree with you, kremp about pantsuits.  There are some very, very elegant pantsuits in stores.  I'm sure your mom will look just beautiful, and even better:  seh's FEEL beautiful!  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    The only person who will see it as "upstaging" is you. As a PP said, unless she shows up in a poofy white dress, I don't think anyone will care what she is wearing. If she likes the dress, let her wear it.

    The only concern I can see is that maybe she doesn't understand how formal (or informal) your wedding is, in which case she could be embarrassed that she is overdressed. I suggest showing her pictures of your dress, as well as your WP's dresses. Don't tell her you're doing it because you're concerned about her dress choice, but just because you want to share some of the decisions you've made for your big day. She may see them and decide to take it down a notch, or she'll decide she still likes her dress choice, in which case just smile and be happy your wedding day is almost here!
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    edited December 2011
    It sounds like your MOG knows exactly how formal/informal your event is and yet she has dismissed it.  I would be bothered and a little insulted too.  I don't fault you for having these feelings at all and can totally understand where you are coming from. 

    Maybe in the end, she's going to stand out as someone who dressed inappropriatly to rest of the guests but overall they will remember you & your fiance the most:) 

    I think it's great your mom's wearing a pant suit too by the way and think you've handled everyone's opinions gracefully.

    Your post made me begin to wonder why all of these MOB & MOG are spending all their time on theknot waiting for posts just like yours to pounce on and make you feel unreasonable.  I'm also betting the relationship they claim they have with their DIL's or daughters would be described quite differently from the daughters themselves.

    There's always a tasteful way to put things and it doesn't seem like you've acted out in any Bridezilla fashion. 

    Hope it all works out and ends beautifully.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8dceb21-b555-42aa-a90b-0ae3fb9d5755Post:8663f324-c9ac-4e15-b657-5559e06249bf">Re: Mother of the Groom Help ASAP</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like your MOG knows exactly how formal/informal your event is and yet she has dismissed it.  I would be bothered and a little insulted too.  I don't fault you for having these feelings at all and can totally understand where you are coming from.  Maybe in the end, she's going to stand out as someone who dressed inappropriatly to rest of the guests but overall they will remember you & your fiance the most:)  I think it's great your mom's wearing a pant suit too by the way and think you've handled everyone's opinions gracefully. Your post made me begin to wonder why all of these MOB & MOG are spending all their time on theknot waiting for posts just like yours to pounce on and make you feel unreasonable.  I'm also betting the relationship they claim they have with their DIL's or daughters would be described quite differently from the daughters themselves. There's always a tasteful way to put things and it doesn't seem like you've acted out in any Bridezilla fashion.  Hope it all works out and ends beautifully.
    Posted by ERIKAEV[/QUOTE]

    Oh Erika, darlin'.  This made me laugh.  It's the mom's equivalent of "Your poor husbands must hate being married to a witch like you."

    Thank you for my concern about my relationship with my daughters and daughter-in-law.  It's kind of you to be so worried.  But let me assure you, because my DD understood what her wedding was all about, she and I have a great relationship.  And more important, she has an excellent relationship with her MIL.  I'm actually very proud of that.

    And my wonderful DIL and I talk on the phone often, text a lot, and have a ball when we can be together.  She has told me that she simply doesn't get the women who b!tch about their MIL's.  I've told her that I don't get women who b!tch about their DIL's.  I think we're blessed.  Wait:  I know we're blessed.  And clearly, she also understood what her wedding was all about.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    NukkeNukke member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FYI it's never rude to dress UP for a party or other ocasion.  It shows respect for the hosts.  It's dressing DOWN that's disrespectful.  That's why, if you're never sure how casual a party is, it's always better to dress your best just in case. 

    My point is that it doesn't reflect poorly on you or the bridal party that your mother in law is dressing up.  It also doesn't insinuate that she's trying to disrespect you guys. 

    It DOES make her look a bit out of place, though.  But that just reflects back on her.  Don't sweat it.  You and your bridal party will still look great, and your FMIL will be beaming with happiness that she got to look and feel her best too.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh Trix, you're a riot.  Thanks for making me appreciate my FMIL even more:)
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for all your help. Again- I'm just going to let this go and laugh it off. If she's uncomfortable, so be it-- it's her own doing. She knows how everything is going to be, so she mustn't be too concerned with it- so I might as well not be either.
    It sure does feel good to vent though!! :)
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