Moms and Maids

How not to upset all my bridesmaids?

So my future mother in law likes to make things diffiucult for me in backhanded ways. This is the latest problem she has created:

One of my bridesmaids is my fiancee's brother's girlfriend (lives with my mother-in-law). Earlier in my engagement I let my mother in law be in charge of my bachelorette/bridal shower party to smooth things over with her when she demanded a part in my wedding. She then decided that my bridesmaid who lives with her would "host" the party and she would fund it. Since this bridesmaid was hosting my bachelorette party now, my mother-in-law told her that I had made her my maid-of-honor (which I had not, since I already had a matron of honor and only three people in my wedding party, but I couldn't tell her that because it would hurt her feelings). So now my bridesmaid is all excited that she gets to walk down the aisle with her boyfriend (the best man/my fiancee's brother).

The problem with this is:

I wanted my matron of honor to walk first (therefore with the best man). I don't want to hurt my bridesmaids feelings but also I dont want to hurt my matron of honor's feelings by demoting her to walking second to appease the in-laws. I don't know how to handle this situation.

Re: How not to upset all my bridesmaids?

  • And one more thing ...Now I have a: matron of honor, maid of honor and one bridesmaid. I feel like this could be insulting to the one girl left as just a bridesmaid.
  • uh you dont have to appease your in laws by asking her to be MOH...you can appease them for other things if they are paying but the wedding party is the ONE thing no one else gets to have a say in except you and your DH....

    With that said, if shes already been asked you are right to say you cant demote her. To solve the walking thing...have the girls walk in one by one for the processional (therefore alllowing your matron of honor walk in right before you to be able to recess first) without the groomsmen. We did this for our wedding...and for the recessional just have everyone walk out alone or the girls together then the men.

    Personally, i dont see why its a big deal to just tell them your matron of honor is walking first therefore walking out with the BM...its just the logisitics and not really a huge deal (either way for that matter).

    I am sorry you have to deal with this, but unfortunately its also a mess of your own making by letting your MIL bully you...Your going to have to stand up to her eventually and not always do things just to appease her...otherwise your setting a bad precedence for future problems in your marriage
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Um, why are you letting your FMIL walk all over you like a doormat?

    If you don't want this girl to be your MOH then don't have her be your MOH.  It was not your FMIL place to "promote" her.

    As for the walking in and out of the ceremony, just do it the way you want.  It takes all of 5 seconds to walk in and out and if someone gets their panties in a twist over the fact that they aren't walking with their boyfriend then oh well, they will get over it.

  • ditto stage about letting them walk how they want.  A wedding I went to earlier this year a groomsman and groomsmaid walked together (they were married) then the best man walked with a bridesmaid and then the two MOHs (brides sisters) walked together.  It was a little unconventional but it was easy to understand why they did it that way and I didn't really give it a second thought

    that said, while I think it's not a big deal for them to walk together, I DON"T think you should call her MOH just b/c your FMIL is overbearing.  You need to put your foot down, your FI needs to be prepared to back you up.  Not that you should be mean to BM about it - it's not her fault so let her down gently; just explain that you apologize for the confusion, but you already have a MOH.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-not-to-upset-all-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f99205b2-8cb4-44af-96ec-8df40ac18cb0Post:dae9c97d-3edf-4f91-9f88-49be3e599624">Re: How not to upset all my bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a little confused how you 'let' FMIL be in charge of parties that are supposed to be optional and thrown in your honor.  But that's a whole different thread. <strong>Has this girl mentioned anything directly TO YOU about being upgraded to MOH?  If not, when she does, just tell her that you aren't sure how that misunderstanding came about, but you were just having your matron of honor.</strong> As for who walks with whom, I agree it's a silly thing to get worked up about on her part, but it's also not a hill worth dying on.  It's a 30 second walk and if walking out with the BM is that big of a deal to her, then let her.  We let the Best Man walk out with one of the groomsmaids because they were married and they wanted to, and it just wasn't worth worrying about. 
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    The bolded is how you should handle the upgraded BM.  Make sure your FI is on your side.  When FMIL finds out you "demoted" the brother's girlfriend, she will probably have a fit.  It's her fit to throw because she overstepped a boundary big time!

    As for processing out of the church, just have your real MOH walk out with the BM.  As they are announced during the reception, you can switch it up so that the Best Man walks in with his girlfriend, the bridesmaid.
  • I say have them walk out the way you want them to it's your day.
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