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MOG wearing champagne....

So my mom just got her dress, a gorgeous black and silver tweed-like knee length with matching jacket, that I did pick out by the way, for our September semi-formal afternoon wedding. We are not having a bridal party, so no specific colors to match (except my dress has green accents on ivory) but dads and groom will be in black tuxes, so the black/silver will match nicely. My future MIL has been bugging us about what my mom is going to wear for months... now that my mom got her dress we let her know it's like a black and silver tweed. She just bought a champagne chiffon dress. Am I crazy, or does any half inteligent woman on earth know better than to wear a shade darker than the bride? Her own daughter's wedding was last year and her dress was champagne. I don't know if I need to say something or let it go, I don't want to let it go but everyone else tells me to. I just think it's total crap that she bought a dress in the "ivory" color family. When asking about colors all I ask is to avoid red and the white family, even suggesting black with other color accents to match the boys and my mom. This really bothers me and I would prefer she buy a different dress but feel as though I cannot say that to her. I am close to both sisters but I feel one would be snotty about it and go running back to mom but I may have a chance with the other sister. What do ya'll think? Do I mention something to the MOG or do I say something to the sister, or say nothing at all? My shower is this weekend so we'll see the out of town grooms family then. My other concern is that for family pics everyone will be dresses in formal black toned outfits and then there will be me and the MOG wearing off white. Total crap! HELP!

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Re: MOG wearing champagne....

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    edited December 2011
    My mom bought a champagne colored dress too.  And it looked beautiful on her!  (it ended up not fitting the way she wanted it to- so she returned it) She's now wearing a light gold dress that she just glows in.  Not a big deal.  This is a special day for the parents too. If she feels comfortable in it, is it really that big of a deal?  The attention is still going to be on you, no one will look at you FMIL and think "is she the bride?".  And I'm sure that your FMIL's intention was not to steal your thunder (which she wont).   Not worth making waves over in my opinion. 
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    edited December 2011
    Champagne is a very common color for mothers to wear at weddings.  I learned this when our mothers were shopping.  She is an adult and you can't dictate what she wears.  If she is happy with it, there isn't anything to be said or done. 
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:be5d0f10-17fc-4243-8cba-f8396db42165">MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my mom just got her dress, a gorgeous black and silver tweed-like knee length with matching jacket, that I did pick out by the way, for our September semi-formal afternoon wedding. We are not having a bridal party, so no specific colors to match (except my dress has green accents on ivory) but dads and groom will be in black tuxes, so the black/silver will match nicely. My future MIL has been bugging us about what my mom is going to wear for months... now that my mom got her dress we let her know it's like a black and silver tweed. She just bought a champagne chiffon dress. Am I crazy, or does any half inteligent woman on earth know better than to wear a shade darker than the bride? Her own daughter's wedding was last year and her dress was champagne. I don't know if I need to say something or let it go, I don't want to let it go but everyone else tells me to. I just think it's total crap that she bought a dress in the "ivory" color family. When asking about colors all I ask is to avoid red and the white family, even suggesting black with other color accents to match the boys and my mom. This really bothers me and I would prefer she buy a different dress but feel as though I cannot say that to her. I am close to both sisters but I feel one would be snotty about it and go running back to mom but I may have a chance with the other sister. What do ya'll think? Do I mention something to the MOG or do I say something to the sister, or say nothing at all? My shower is this weekend so we'll see the out of town grooms family then. My other concern is that for family pics everyone will be dresses in formal black toned outfits and then there will be me and the MOG wearing off white. Total crap! HELP!
    Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    <div>Let it go. Your stressing over a simple dress color, its not a big deal. You shouldn't dictate what color a person can and can not wear. You are really over thinking this issue and whatever "method" you try to use to get your FMIL to buy a different dress is rude and I think you already know it. Please, let this issue go and move forward with being excited on marrying the man you love.</div>
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    agibneyagibney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    See I would agree with you if she hasn't taken any opportunity to take a stab at me in the past. Still to this day (after 7 years over and over again) I hear " I ALWAYS made sure MY kids knew how to cook"... so f-ing what? Your son cooks for me! Big deal! We started off a bit rocky, so if we had started off this fantastic relationship then yes, I would assume she had no intentions of thunder stealing or pissing me off, but due to how our relationship started I have my doubts about that one...

    I guess I would have felt better if it was my mom or if my mom was wearing a similar shade, but she's wearing a totally different color scheme, as is everyone else that is important that day. Not only do I dislike that she choose that color family but I feel like she will clash terribly in pictures. Everyone will be wearing black or black shades in pictures except me in ivory and the MOG in champagne. It will be a big group of family all dresses classy in black and then us 2 in our off white dresses... don't like this idea at all. I realize it's a special day for her too, but can anyone honestly tell me that any shade of off white is a truly complimenting color? Unless you are Gisele, NO, off white is not complimenting on anyone. Of all the colors of the rainbow that is NOT the most flattering. Additionally they live in the city, we in the country. Our whole relationship we have been made out as "country hillbillies" and they are the "classy city people," so doesn't proper etiquette say that the MOG should chose a dress that slightly matches the MOB? I just can't stand that they act like they are so proper and yet after I described my mothers dress she went out and bought something totally clashing and different. I keep going back to my mindset that she knows waaayy better than that...
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    edited December 2011
    That is an old tradition that no longer matters.  Also, I get where you are coming from; as I have my on FMIL issues.  However, throughout this process, I have learned what I should argue over and what I shouldn't.  My FMILs dress is not something that matters.  The fact remains that no one will mistake her for the bride, and she won't be in every picture taken that day.

    Relax about it.  You have a loooong way to go in dealing with this woman since you are marrying her son.  Pick and choose your battles.  This isn't worth a fight, IMO.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:bd8600ea-98e4-42d5-a1cf-7c0ad436e348">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]See I would agree with you if she hasn't taken any opportunity to take a stab at me in the past. Still to this day (after 7 years over and over again) I hear " I ALWAYS made sure MY kids knew how to cook"... so f-ing what? Your son cooks for me! Big deal! We started off a bit rocky, so if we had started off this fantastic relationship then yes, I would assume she had no intentions of thunder stealing or pissing me off, but due to how our relationship started I have my doubts about that one... I guess I would have felt better if it was my mom or if my mom was wearing a similar shade, but she's wearing a totally different color scheme, as is everyone else that is important that day. Not only do I dislike that she choose that color family but I feel like she will clash terribly in pictures. Everyone will be wearing black or black shades in pictures except me in ivory and the MOG in champagne. It will be a big group of family all dresses classy in black and then us 2 in our off white dresses... don't like this idea at all. I realize it's a special day for her too, but can anyone honestly tell me that any shade of off white is a truly complimenting color? Unless you are Gisele, NO, off white is not complimenting on anyone. Of all the colors of the rainbow that is NOT the most flattering. Additionally they live in the city, we in the country. Our whole relationship we have been made out as "country hillbillies" and they are the "classy city people," so doesn't proper etiquette say that the MOG should chose a dress that slightly matches the MOB? I just can't stand that they act like they are so proper and yet after I described my mothers dress she went out and bought something totally clashing and different. I keep going back to my mindset that she knows waaayy better than that...
    Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    Your issues with your FMIL have nothing to do with the dress. Champagne is a color many MOG/MOB wear. You are focusing your anger on the dress when it really isn't a problem. Pick your battles and only turn something into a fight when she has done something wrong.

    Planning Bio
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    edited December 2011
    I fail to see how champagne clashes with black/white/silver.

    You really need to let this go.

    I have no clue why you think FMIL is trying to steal your thunder.  Do you really think people are going to mistake her for the bride?  What if one of your guests chooses to wear a champagne or, heaven forbid, ivory colored dress/shirt/whatever.  Will you demand that they go home and change because they are trying to steal your thunder?


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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let it go.  Her dress is fine.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    edited December 2011
    If you think that's bad, my mom wanted to wear a cream colored dress with champange accents!  My dress is chanpange with Ivory lace overlay.  I told her to find something new back in April (which she did...2 other options in fact) and she's still bitching about me not letting her wear the cream one.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:5e2fdbc7-2f02-42a8-b822-fabb6dbb9e1d">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you think that's bad, my mom wanted to wear a cream colored dress with champange accents!  My dress is chanpange with Ivory lace overlay.  I told her to find something new back in April (which she did...2 other options in fact) and she's still bitching about me not letting her wear the cream one.
    Posted by CarlySara[/QUOTE]
    I probably would be too, if I was your mom.  I could've cared less if my mom and MIL wore ivory dresses (my dress was ivory) because it doesn't matter!  No one will mistake anyone else for the bride.  I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of this.
    image
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    agibneyagibney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Soo not worried about ppl mistaking her for the bride or her stealing my thunder... my issue is that mainly, she has asked me constantly what to wear/what not to wear, and what my mother is wearing so she can match, for MONTHS, then she finally gets a dress and it's exactly what I told her NOT to wear...which was a very small list by the way. I know she is not a stupid woman so it leaves me to believe she must just be trying to irritate me, unless she has just completely selective hearing and missed every thing I have said...

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    edited December 2011
    Silver, platinum, pewter, gold and champagne are all neutral colors that have become popular for the mothers' dresses. None of those colors clash with the others. Champagne is not a shade of white anymore than any of the other colors. And if she wore champagne to her own daughter's wedding then I'm sure she is not doing this to upstage you.

    The mothers don't have to choose outfits that match or complement each other, the wedding party or the decor. They are individual human beings, not decorations. They should pick outfits that match the formality of the wedding and suit their own individual styles.As an MOB, I don't expect the MOG to follow my lead in choosing her dress. That is an old tradition that should be retired.

    Don't plan your wedding around the photos. Your wedding should be so much more than a series of photo ops.

    This same question turns up on this board nearly everyday. You might want to read through some of those other threads to gain some perspective.

                       
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    <div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:0c2ef1f3-ce87-4c33-b1c9-62f7c43d3b9f">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG wearing champagne.... : Your issues with your FMIL have nothing to do with the dress. Champagne is a color many MOG/MOB wear. You are focusing your anger on the dress when it really isn't a problem. Pick your battles and only turn something into a fight when she has done something wrong.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this statement. You obviously have just regular FMIL problems and now have used this dress as new development to the drama. Once again, let it go, you are make mountains out of mole hills. You are working yourself up over this little thing, its not worth your sanity so just let this annoyance to you slide. Same goes for her attitude about country vs city or her teaching her sons how to cook. You can be annoyed but why drive yourself insane over this crap, I know people that have judged me like they are superior to me but instead of letting it drive me crazy I be the bigger person and don't let their action or words effect the way I am. You are going to be in this womans life for a very long time so being snarky right back is not going to do you any good. Trust me, if you tell her to find a different dress she will hold it against you and you definitely don't want her to have that firepower held against you.</div><div>
    </div><div>For the record, black/white are neutral colors so no, they will not clash with any other color even if the color was neon green. </div><div>
    </div></div>
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Here's the thing.  To me it sounds like she did exactly what you want.  No red, no Ivory (Champagne looks significantly different than Ivory).  As for matching MOB, I sincerely doubt she wanted to be matchy matchy and was looking not to clash, which she won't. 

    If she is trying to get a rise out of you, don't let her win. 
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    edited December 2011
    Your wedding is not a black tie affair yet you suddenly have these color rules. You never told your FMIL what color to wear when she asked. But now you are complaining that the color of her dress will clash with the colors of your WP and your parents. If complimentary colors were so important to you, you should have specifically told her what color to wear when she asked. This is your fault. You can't blame her.

    It would be wrong of you to say anything about this as you caused this whole problem to begin with.
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    agibneyagibney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Autumn and Mysticl.... very good words of wisdom. Thank you for seeing the entire issue.

    By the way, to be clear her DAUGHTER'S wedding dress was champagne...not hers, she wore a brown dress for her daughter's wedding, and that was a much huger affair than mine will be. I guess my point on that statement was that for my wedding she is wearing the same color as her daughter's wedding dress was a year prior.

    Not going to make a big deal. If it's really all that close in color to my dress then I will let her look like the ass and not me.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Exactly, the attitude you need, trust me, the only one who will look foolish will be her while you will be pictured as a good person to not let her faux pas bother you. I'm sure she will very disappointed once she finds out that her plan to irritate you has back fired and now she gets to be talked about by female guests who still live by that tradition. 
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    agibneyagibney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    LOL LOVE IT!!! Thank you!

    Additionally I am not crazy bridezilla. I am having a very small and modest wedding and have not gone crazy over every, or any, little detail so far, in fact we nearly wed at the courthouse. She just continues to get under my skin on so many things, non wedding related and wedding related, so it was just like the straw that broke the camels back. Seems like everything she is involed with is always centered around what she wants and no one else, which again like so many of you have pointed out is not an issue of the dress but just with her in general. I am just surprised I don't have any brides out there with crazy MIL's that would have been in my corner on this one instead of just assuming I am crazy bridezilla demanding every single little detail of the wedding. That is just not me so I wish everyone could have given me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming I am the crazy bridezilla that is going to make anyone wearing a white shirt go home and change, so give me a break and be understanding instead of assuming I am a horrible.

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:5a4135c4-e706-4f36-9ba6-391d1261108d">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]LOL LOVE IT!!! Thank you! Additionally I am not crazy bridezilla. I am having a very small and modest wedding and have not gone crazy over every, or any, little detail so far, in fact we nearly wed at the courthouse. She just continues to get under my skin on so many things, non wedding related and wedding related, so it was just like the straw that broke the camels back. Seems like everything she is involed with is always centered around what she wants and no one else, which again like so many of you have pointed out is not an issue of the dress but just with her in general. I am just surprised I don't have any brides out there with crazy MIL's that would have been in my corner on this one instead of just assuming I am crazy bridezilla demanding every single little detail of the wedding. That is just not me so I wish everyone could have given me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming I am the crazy bridezilla that is going to make anyone wearing a white shirt go home and change, so give me a break and be understanding instead of assuming I am a horrible.
    Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    But you do sound like a bridezilla.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:bd8600ea-98e4-42d5-a1cf-7c0ad436e348">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]See I would agree with you if she hasn't taken any opportunity to take a stab at me in the past. Still to this day (after 7 years over and over again) I hear " I ALWAYS made sure MY kids knew how to cook"... so f-ing what? Your son cooks for me! Big deal!
    Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    Oh no! don't let her get your goat with this remark! Just smile sweetly and tell her "Thank you for doing such a wonderful job. I never cook because he's just so good at it."

    Or tell her he's not in love with you because of your skills in the kitchen. That would probably end that conversation fast.
                       
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    agibneyagibney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Oh I have heard it so many times now I just blow it off and laugh in my head that it's the 897th time she has said that to me. I will tell her next time he's marrying me for my ass not my cooking! I am sure she'd love to hear that one!!

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    edited December 2011
    A sense of humor will get you through: )
    When we were first married 30+ years ago, my MIL would call us early on Sat mornings. When I answered the phone with a sleepy voice, she'd scold "You're still in bed sleeping, it's 8 o'clock, don't you have things to do?!?!?!"
    So about the 5th time it happened, I told her, "Yes, we're still in bed, but we weren't sleeping." She never called again on a weekend morning.
                       
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:bd8600ea-98e4-42d5-a1cf-7c0ad436e348">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE] but can anyone honestly tell me that any shade of off white is a truly complimenting color? Unless you are Gisele, NO, off white is not complimenting on anyone. Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    You said your dress was ivory. Ivory<em> is</em> off white. And yes, I look damn good in ivory/off white. I hope you do as well, since it is your dress color.  :)
    Anniversary
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, considering that my wedding gown was ivory, I sure hope the color looks good on me.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let's get this out of the way:  my DD's dress was ivory.  She looked stunning. 

    You're making your unhappiness about your FMIL into a dress issue, and it's not.  I get that you have "history" with the woman.  Are you really willing to add more fuel to the fire and exacerbate the already shaky relationship over a dress color?  That just doesn't sound smart to me.

    Let this go.  It's so not a big deal.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    hehe to MairePoppy's comment.

    Have you actually seen the dress?  Just like designers have different shades of ivory wedding dresses, champagne can be fairly dark, depending on the designer.  Ask her if you can see it.  She'll probably be flattered that you're interested.  If you really hate it that much, you can say, "I saw the cutest (color) bolero/ shawl/whatever that would look great on you with this dress!"  You can't just tell her what to wear, but maybe you can work with her, politely.  If she wants to wear that dress alone, drop the matter, it's really nothing to worry over.
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    edited December 2011

    Did you ever stop to think that maybe she does not want to be matchy-matchy with your mom? There is no way my mom wants to be matchy-matchy with my FMIL and I don't blame her. Seriously, just let this go. It's not a big deal and if you choose to make it a big deal with her, then be prepared for some bigger issues with your FMIL.

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    skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd rather have chapagne than black.  I do not like black at weddings, I know it's become very common but I don't like it. 
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    edited December 2011

    I had a saleswoman at Nordstroms tell me that the rule was the MOG was supposed to wear champagne (a fancy word for beige unless it is a wedding gown) and NOT have an opinion! 

    Laughing

    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wearing-champagne?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa06f5dc-0388-42d1-8507-9d68f77a6712Post:b786ab25-661b-4311-ac5c-2556dfec701a">Re: MOG wearing champagne....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Soo not worried about ppl mistaking her for the bride or her stealing my thunder... my issue is that mainly, she has asked me constantly what to wear/what not to wear, and what my mother is wearing so she can match, for MONTHS, then she finally gets a dress and it's exactly what I told her NOT to wear...which was a very small list by the way. I know she is not a stupid woman<u><strong> so it leaves me to believe she must just be trying to irritate me,</strong></u> unless she has just completely selective hearing and missed every thing I have said...
    Posted by agibney[/QUOTE]

    Maybe she is trying to irritate you.  And LOOK!  you're irritated!  FMIL - 1 You - 0
    She wins.
    and you let her.
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