Bridesmaid who still doesn't fit into her dress.

awilley0814

My bridesmaid bought her dress too small back in April.  I told her that I wasn't really comfortable with this, but she bought the dress anyway.  Now we are a week away.  My wedding is August 13.  She still doesn't fit into her dress.  Is it rude of me to ask her to not be in the wedding anymore?

jagore08

Yes, it is rude to ask her to kick her out of your wedding.  I understand that you're upset that she bought a dress too small but you two need to come up with something that will make it work.  Add some fabric to the dress, get a new one, something.

awilley0814

I've tried that.  She said she doesnt want to spend the extra money to fix it.  I can't afford it, because I just bought her gift.  It would be different if it was like a small amount that doesn't fit, but we're talking about 6 inches from the zipper that doesn't fit. 

jagore08

Have you asked her what she wants to do about this situation?

awilley0814

Yes, she says that she honestly has no idea what to do.  She has a red dress that she would love to wear, but red is not in my colors.  If she would like to go shopping for a replacement black dress that would be find with me, but she "doesn't have time."  I'm trying not to freak out, but I can't have her walking down the aisle with a gap in the back because she's not willing to work with me.

em01092

Jagore, I thought purchasing the dress and showing up in it were two of the few BM responsibilities. If she bought it but can't show up in it since it doesn't fit and she bought it purposefully too small (always a bad idea), isn't that her fault, not the bride's? Has she not removed herself from the WP by not being able to show up in the dress that was agreed upon? This BM sounds particularly difficult, especially since OP is willing to let her wear a black dress but she is wanting to wear red. 

I'm genuinely asking, because I remember a similar situation once and I thought the consensus seemed to be that the BM removed herself. 

OP, I think it's great that you were willing to compromise. What are your colors? Will red really look that hideous with your other BM's dresses? I can understand why you wouldn't be ok with this. If she is still unwilling to buy black or another dress, I guess you will either have to let her wear red or somehow break the news to her that she inadvertently removed herself from the WP by not being able to show up in the dress. 

jagore08

What are your colors?  Does she have any dress that will fit into your color scheme?  Does she have a black dress she already owns?  It sounds like she's just not willing to work with you.  Tell her that she can either fix the dress or she needs to find a back dress to wear.  Those are her options.  

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-still-doesnt-fit-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc0a83eb-49f3-4a1a-a901-8813e0aaff87Post:cc14a0c6-f6f9-4e66-97b9-8b205b3d4fdc">Re: Bridesmaid who still doesn't fit into her dress.</a>:
[QUOTE]What are your colors?  Does she have any dress that will fit into your color scheme?  Does she have a black dress she already owns?  It sounds like she's just not willing to work with you.  Tell her that she can either fix the dress or she needs to find a back dress to wear.  Those are her options.  
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]


This! As for her idea about the red dress, see link:

<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/ruin-a-wedding.aspx?page=3" rel="nofollow">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/ruin-a-wedding.aspx?page=3</a>

Good luck!

awilley0814

My colors are Black, White, Maroon, and Burnt Orange.  We are having a House Divided Aggie/Longhorn themed wedding. Red to me would throw it off.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-still-doesnt-fit-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc0a83eb-49f3-4a1a-a901-8813e0aaff87Post:1d724716-4d1e-44d6-8b5f-48e70a3f994d">Re: Bridesmaid who still doesn't fit into her dress.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, she says that she honestly has no idea what to do.  She has a red dress that she would love to wear, but red is not in my colors.  If she would like to go shopping for a replacement black dress that would be find with me, but she "<strong>doesn't have time."</strong>  I'm trying not to freak out, but I can't have her walking down the aisle with a gap in the back because she's not willing to work with me.
Posted by awilley0814[/QUOTE]

<div>Alright to me if you are alright with her getting a replacement black dress and says "no, i don't have time" then she needs to know that she will be out of the WP if she doesn't A. fix the dress or B. get a replacement dress. </div><div>
</div><div>I would leave her a message being as polite as possible, "Hey Friend, I hope you can either alter the dress or find a replacement black dress because your red dress is not going to work as attire for being a BM." </div><div>
</div><div>This is the BMs fault, she is required to get her dress and fit it in the day of. This BM is getting a second chance from the Bride and it obviously too inconvenient for her to do either fixing the dress or finding a new one. So she IS taking herself out because she doesn't want to do either option. If the OP really wants this BM in the WP she can let the BM wear the red dress, but I don't think the OP should HAVE to do this since this BM is not putting any effort into either options. </div>

MairePoppy

ditto em. The bms have one responsibility - to show up on time for the wedding, in the agreed upon dress. 

Your bm is putting you in a tough position. You should request that she buy a black dress or have the one she already bought altered, if she still wants to walk in the wedding. Or she can come to the wedding as a guest, if she prefers. The choice is hers. Tell her the thing that matters most to you, is that she is there, either way.

Good luck.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-still-doesnt-fit-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc0a83eb-49f3-4a1a-a901-8813e0aaff87Post:b8fe558a-41b8-458e-9bca-256aef35658e">Re: Bridesmaid who still doesn't fit into her dress.</a>:
[QUOTE]ditto em. The bms have one responsibility - to show up on time for the wedding, in the agreed upon dress.  Your bm is putting you in a tough position. You should request that she buy a black dress or have the one she already bought altered, if she still wants to walk in the wedding. Or she can come to the wedding as a guest, if she prefers. The choice is hers. Tell her the thing that matters most to you, is that she is there, either way. Good luck.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]


Just pretend I said this :-D  This is great advice for your situation.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-still-doesnt-fit-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc0a83eb-49f3-4a1a-a901-8813e0aaff87Post:b8fe558a-41b8-458e-9bca-256aef35658e">Re: Bridesmaid who still doesn't fit into her dress.</a>:
[QUOTE]ditto em. The bms have one responsibility - to show up on time for the wedding, in the agreed upon dress.  Your bm is putting you in a tough position. You should request that she buy a black dress or have the one she already bought altered, if she still wants to walk in the wedding. Or she can come to the wedding as a guest, if she prefers. The choice is hers. Tell her the thing that matters most to you, is that she is there, either way. Good luck.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

this...

LittleMissCutiePie

How small is it? Would some good foundation garments do the trick? A good tailor might be able to take it out, and if you offer to pay a rush fee he/she can do it within a couple of days.

Good luck!

LBug24

All great suggestions!!
Could she wear some kind of highcover undergarment and shaw/shrug/scarf around her shoulders/back to cover up the zipper gap? (Then again, it's an August wedding..this may only be an option if it's not going to be 100 degrees! we don't wany anyone passing out :P)

Goodluck!