Bachelorette Party Drama!

[Deleted User]

My best friend in the world just got engaged and her sister has just started contacting the bridal party about the bachelorette party. I'm not extremely wealthy. I have a modest income that I support myself on. Her family grew up fairly wealthy and her sister just had a very extravagant wedding. When I brought up less extravagant locales for a weekend celebrating our friend, she replied that we had all had expensive bachelorette weekends and money isn't an issue. I'm single and when I did plan a wedding and bailed on it, I thanked my friend for buying a bridesmaid's dress by taking her on my honeymoon to Disney World where I paid for everything. I emailed her about my lack of financial situation to which she replied (somewhat snootily) "we'll figure out a way for you to afford it." She just emailed us again with hotel suggestions that were $300 a night and we're staying for two nights. I also get the impression that she'll want two girls per room. How do I handle this without hurting my friend (and avoid her feeling that I don't want to spend money on her)?

MairePoppy

There is nothing wrong with saying you can't afford to go to this party. It's not a reflection on your feelings toward your friend. No one should make you feel guilty about this. Send back an email saying that you will not be able to attend and you hope everyone has a great time.

If  you want to do something nice for your friend take her out to lunch when she gets back, so she can tell you all about her fantastic weekend.

RaptorSLH

What Maire said.  My sisters and friends and I would not be able to afford that kind of weekend either.

Kate61487

ditto PPs; you can say no!  It sucks that she's basically refusing to consider your budget in the planning, but you're not an awful person / BM / friend for saying you can't attend.

I had a very low key b-party (just a night out with the girls, everyone stayed at my place so it was pretty cheap) and I still only had 3 of my 5 girls able to attend (granted due to schedule, not cost).  The point is, attending the b-party is nice, but it's not a requirement

Karenofcourse

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to do this!! You were not included in the planning (so no one can say you were all for this idea!!) and the earth will not stop if you do not participate. If you decide not to, at least let them know early on so they do not expect you to "chip in!"

Just because something was done a certain way a few years ago does not mean it can be done this way now.  People have changes in finances and many other areas of their lives and there is nothing wrong with a polite "I can not attend!"

mandi921vh

Holy crap that is expensive!! If you can't afford to go, then you can't afford to go, they should understand.

RebeccaB88

If they do try to make you feel guilty or cheap or bad that you can't attend, then they just aren't very nice people, and I wouldn't worry about what they think of you.  You won't be doing anything wrong at all if you tell them you can't attend something that expensive.

Maggie0829

If you cannot afford it then say so.  Tell them that you hope they all have a great time and will see them when they get back.  If you want, you can always take the bride out for dinner and drinks after they get back just to spend some time with her and hear about their trip.

Do not feel bad about not being able to afford it and don't let the rest of the bridal party make you feel like a bad person about this.

graffeo

I agree with PP. Nothing wrong with telling her you cant afford that. If the ssiter wantst to plan something that costs alot of money she is going to have to expect people to not be able to attend and there is nothing wrong with that. My MOH and I got married a month apart. Me in April and her in May. We choose to do a joint bachelorette party. Ended up costing less AND it was just fun to get to do something together like that. Nothing wrong wit that at all. Dont let her guilt you into it, Your friend is not planning this event i know she will understand. Nothing in the BM rule book that says you must attend EVERY event esp something that requires leaving town. As long as you show up in March you are golden :-) I am so sorry you have to deal with this

hlmauney

My cousin and her then fiance (now husband) went out of town with some friends for combo Bachelor/Bachelorette party. My boyfriend and I could not go because of finances. They missed us but there were no grudges held and I still particpated as a BM in their wedding. My boyfriend and I are planning a cruise for January and wanted them to come as well. They can't afford it after their wedding and with the holidays coming up. Guess what? We still love them. If your friend is able to cover your costs and wants you there, then that's up to her to offer. It is not fair to expect your to finance HER extravagent bachelorette party. You are totally within your right to say you can't afford something. If she's a good friend (and a good person) she should accept that and love you regardless.

CowgirlK39

Ugh people who say/do things like that annoy me to no end. Do what everyone else said.... just say you can't do it. If they act snooty about it again, then maybe its time to re-evaluate how much you value these people as friends. If they really care about you as a friend they should understand.