Future MIL bought teenage dress for wedding

Reese0317

Yesterday I saw my future MIL's dress for our wedding and it's bad. It's short, looks like what a fifteen year old would wear to a cookout, and is inappropriate for the MOG. Our wedding isn't super formal, but as MOG she should at least wear something a little dressy and age appropriate. She is known for her terrible outfits and didn't ask anyone what she should wear before shopping. The problem is I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying it was awful, but now I don't know how to suggest she wear something a little nicer. Any suggestions?

MairePoppy

Don't say anything. The MOG is an adult. No one should tell her how to dress.  If that's how she dresses, usually, no one will be shocked at her dress choice for your wedding.

kellybeatle

Look at the potential for hurt feelings on this and very carefully consider if this is a battle you want to pick.

I'm not thrilled about my fmil's choice of dresses for our wedding either...but I love her.  I love her son. And I would never risk hurting her feelings over her choice of clothing.  It would cause us to start our relationship on very shaky ground and I just think that the relationship is far more important than what she will be wearing to my party.

I do understand your discomfort with her dress...but try to remember that it doesn't reflect on you in any way, and truly (unless she is not sensitive in any way) it could hurt her feelings very much.

Maggie0829

I wasn't thrilled with my MIL choice for my wedding but when the day came I barely even noticed her let alone what she was wearing.  Just let your FMIL wear what she wants.  Like PP said it will reflect poorly on her not you.  Don't let her bad taste ruin your day.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mil-bought-teenage-dress-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fe34b811-9bbb-4ab6-84f9-2215107874a6Post:7a4a6d0e-6f81-47f9-8964-f910071515df">Future MIL bought teenage dress for wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Yesterday I saw my future MIL's dress for our wedding and it's bad. It's short, looks like what a fifteen year old would wear to a cookout, and is inappropriate for the MOG. Our wedding isn't super formal, but as MOG she should at least wear something a little dressy and age appropriate. She is known for her terrible outfits and didn't ask anyone what she should wear before shopping. The problem is I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying it was awful, but now I don't know how to suggest she wear something a little nicer. Any suggestions?
Posted by Reese0317[/QUOTE]

The only one who will look silly is her. Let this one go.

ElisabethJoanne

Some other woman will always hate a woman's dress. If you have 0 say in your fmil's dress, all that angst just lands on her. If you start making suggestions, no one will be perfectly happy and you get some of the blame.

Keep your mouth shut. Just like traditionally the bride chose the bridesmaids' dresses, and if they were awful, everyone just blamed the bride, if your fmil chooses her own dress, again, all on her.

Juris11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mil-bought-teenage-dress-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fe34b811-9bbb-4ab6-84f9-2215107874a6Post:a91274ef-20a6-4ba7-8e41-715197c0d995">Re: Future MIL bought teenage dress for wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Look at the potential for hurt feelings on this and very carefully consider if this is a battle you want to pick. I'm not thrilled about my fmil's choice of dresses for our wedding either...but I love her.  I love her son. And I would never risk hurting her feelings over her choice of clothing.  It would cause us to start our relationship on very shaky ground and I just think that the relationship is far more important than what she will be wearing to my party. I do understand your discomfort with her dress...but try to remember that it doesn't reflect on you in any way, and truly (unless she is not sensitive in any way) it could hurt her feelings very much.
Posted by kellybeatle[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly. I don't care for my FMIL's dress either, but it is not a hill worth dying on. Everyone will be looking at you anyway!

Summer2011Bride

You can't dictate what she wears, even if you hate it. She's a grown woman. On top of that, it's not worth the drama that it would cause if you spoke up.

The ONLY time I see it being OK to speak up is if your venue (like a Church) has a set dress code and she is violating it, i.e. they don't allow bare shoulders and she would have them. Then you could mention the Church doesn't allow bare shoulders, and could she throw a shrug on for the ceremony. But if it's not a venue issue, you can't say anything.

OliveOilsMom

While I agree with all other posters, you can't outright tell your FMIL that you don't like her choice of dress. 

Perhaps you can try something more round about.  If you happen to ever be out shopping with her and see a dress that she would look great in for the wedding.  Say, this dress would look great on you for the wedding!  If she responds, that she already has a dress, say that you forgot she bought a dress already.  Then drop the topic by quickly moving on.

This is a tricky topic because you don't want to offend your FMIL. 

rhandler2

I totally understand where you are coming from, as I also have a future in law wardrobe issue.  While I agree that we are all adults and can dress ourselves, it is important for parents to recognize that the day is about you and your fiancee...not them or their fashion choices.  While the guests will in no way look badly on you for her fashion choices, I understand how you might cringe upon seeing her, and you don't want any of those negative feelings/thoughts on your wedding day.  If it really, truly bothers you then I'd say approach your fiancee about it.  But, beware that he may become defensive for his Mom or simply not understand.  If the day comes and there's nothing you can do about it, then I'd say pull the photographer aside and ask him/her to take strategic pictures.  Then, focus on the fact that you're celebrating the next chapter in your life and know that you will shine more than anyone else that day.

Good luck!

norvik8574

Tell her what a cute dress she got for the reheasal dinner!  At least its not a problem showing off her tatoos on her bossum.  Does this woman have a daughter to set her straight?  Have the photographer place her in the back row.

jna0941

I attended a wedding for my friend and her MIL did the same thing.  The dress was gold, backless, and showed all of her back fat.  Her sons commented on how she looked as soon as they saw her, but she did not do anything about it.  At the wedding, my friend just rolled her eyes when someone commented and said thats who she was.  No one thought it was a refelction of the bride, but felt bad for the groom.  She was the only one that looked silly and it was just a reflection of herself. 
I liked the idea of talking with the groom ahead of time.  I know this can be frustrating, but I'm not sure there is much you can say.  My fiance always tells me to control the controllables.....  Good Luck and remember to enjoy your day.

KaylaGardner

I totally understand what your going through!! One is about my dads girlfriend who bought a dress that should be worn on the red carpet!! It's very hurtful and aggravating that they would do these things. As easy as it is for people to say let it go, I am the type that will be upset the whole time because it's hurts/bothers my Mom and other family members. Therefore I will be speaking to my dad very nicely and have him hint to her that it's more casual than what she thinks. My dad is great with handling these kinds of things and will do it without saying I said something. Maybe have your FH mention it to her?

kmmssg

Ditto retread on not following the dreadful advice.  I'm a 3 time MOB and I'm here to tell you that my attire is my decision and I will dress myself.  A bride has NO business making a statement "it is important for parents to recognize that the day is about you and your fiancee...not them or their fashion choices.

It is important for couples to recognize that the day does not revolve around them and they should leave fashion choices to grown adults who know how to dress themselves.

Unbelievably dreadful advice.