Gross friends?

shadowkat08

So it's already been decided that my three college friends are going to be my bridesmaids (early I know, but it's not gonna change), and I'm a little...appalled at their table manners. Well, more like disgusted really.

One constantly chews with her mouth open, while the other belches at the table. And I'm not talking "*burp* Oh, excuse me". I'm talking full on burps that would show up a lumberjack. And not an "excuse me" in sight.

I never really thought that it bothered anyone else until my BFF/MOH brought it up the other day (bridesmaids are our roommates). Both of us have stories of our mothers commenting on our friends lack of table manners.

Is there a polite way to point out and help "correct" these bad habits? I'm not worried about my wedding, just my friend's manners in general. Even the four of us having dinner can become a little cringe worthy.

Has anyone else had to deal with gross friends?

ElisabethJoanne

There's no polite way to correct someone's etiquette. Sometimes you can invite people over for a dinner party that's more formal than they expected. They'll be flustered and follow the hostess' manners just 'cause they don't know what else to do. My family had funny rules regarding what was permitted at the dinner table, and I've been able to bring those up to hint to new boyfriends about what's acceptable and what's not.

funny rules: You must wear a shirt, no singing, no humming, no reading

shadowkat08

Oh I wish the dinner party thing would work.

It might do the trick for one of them, but the one that burps out loud wouldn't care or probably even notice. I've a feeling we could be at the White House and she'd still do that. 

And it doesn't help that she's one of those people who are easily offended and will become defensive at the drop of a hat. 

shadowkat08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_gross-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fe8971b3-8738-4bcc-a328-dbf36e89b396Post:e4450f72-c5a8-40d9-b63f-d104c4b69e0a">Re: Gross friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]You think your girlfriends are gross?  Wait til you get married!  Ugh!  Men are disgusting!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Um, okay? o.O</div><div>
</div><div>Most guys I know have some sembalance of table manners and such. I'm sorry if the fellas in your life don't.</div>

tldh

Try mimicking their behavior the next time you have dinner. Go overboard with it and see how they react.

FTR - my dad used to belch, chew with his mouth open and fart at the table.  He didn't care when anyone called him out on it.  The only thing that stopped him was when my brother at age 16 began inviting his GF over for dinner every single night.  My brothers have impeccable table manners today because they saw how unbelievably gross my dad's were.

shadowkat08

@tldh: Ugh, I could never do that! Even just thinking about it reading your post was cringe inducing. 

My BFF/MoH would call me out on it before they did, because I honestly believe they don't see anything wrong with it. And knowing her, she'd probably smack me for exhibing such bad behaviour when I know better.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_gross-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fe8971b3-8738-4bcc-a328-dbf36e89b396Post:5f90f480-d22f-48a6-a24d-f6bdc29ca43c">Re: Gross friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]@tldh: Ugh, I could never do that! Even just thinking about it reading your post was cringe inducing.  <strong>My BFF/MoH would call me out on it before they did, because I honestly believe they don't see anything wrong with it</strong>. And knowing her, she'd probably smack me for exhibing such bad behaviour when I know better. :D
Posted by shadowkat08[/QUOTE]

...and you think they still wouldn't get the message if they saw you being chastised for this?

shadowkat08

You have a good point. 

But I still don't think I could bring myself to do it lol.

LittleMissCutiePie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_gross-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fe8971b3-8738-4bcc-a328-dbf36e89b396Post:ba46fb07-722b-4bb5-a941-32fd09e5d409">Re: Gross friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]There's no polite way to correct someone's etiquette. Sometimes you can invite people over for a dinner party that's more formal than they expected. They'll be flustered and follow the hostess' manners just 'cause they don't know what else to do. My family had funny rules regarding what was permitted at the dinner table, and I've been able to bring those up to hint to new boyfriends about what's acceptable and what's not. funny rules: You must wear a shirt, no <strong>singing</strong>, no humming, no reading
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

My FIL's have this same rule! It's weird, I started singing a church hymn to get help with the title, and they were still like "LMC, stop singing!" We have a cool enough relationship that they weren't out of line, but I was still quite confused.

Maggie0829

If they were really good friends of mine and they were chewing with their mouths open (which is disgusting) I would have no problem telling them "What are you eating a rock?  I can hear you chewing from a mile away!"  They may do a sarcastic laugh but I guarantee you they will stop chewing with their mouth open for the rest of the meal.  As for the belching I would just say "Seriously?" or "Excuse you!" with a semi disgusted face.

If you can't be completely honest with your best friends then who can you be completely honest with.

Do they do this type of behavior around guys?  Because even though some guys are disgusting (not all...a lot of them actually have manners), they would still be disgusted by a girl eating like a wild animal.

lstruggles

Next time she belches just say "I really hope you don't do that at the wedding! I don't know if my grandma would appreciate it!" - that might put her in her place - and you could add a little laugh in there to make it light hearted but still get the point across.

mbody

Honestly, if they are good friends, I'd just say something about it. No, it might not be uber "polite" to call them on their bad manners, but it does seem like they need to be aware of it. You can either say it in a joking way or more serious depending on their personalities. It might be an uncomfortable situation, but, in my opinion, you'd be helping them out. Hopefully they don't act that way around new people or employers, ect. If you do say something, I wouldn't make it about your wedding at all. That may come off as, "you don't act well enough to be BM."

LoveMuffins

For the burping friend I would just give her a disgusted look and say "excuse you" and if she says "what?" I would just say "I'd just appreciate it if you covered your mouth with your hand when you do that. It kinda grosses me out." and if she says "why" then I'd say "Because I don't need to smell what you ate for lunch. It's gross and I'd appreciate it."

For the mouth chewer, similar thing. 
Me: Can you please close your mouth while you're chewing? 
Her: What? Why?
Me: It's grossing me out while I'm eating and I"d like to enjoy my food without having to see yours.


If they ask why you haven't brought it up before, just tell them that you love them but these things have started grating on you and making your mealtimes with them less pleasant and you'd like to be able to focus more on their conversation and less on being slightly nauseated. 

jemmini6

I agree with PP's, if they really are your best friends, you should feel comfortable enough with mentioning it to them.  Sometimes the 'joking' approach works best to call attention to it without them feeling attacked by your notice, but you know what your dynamic with them is, so go with what makes you comfortable.  In the end though, if they don't listen to you or change their habits, they are only making themselves look bad, not you, so don't worry about it too much.

JaxInBlue

I'm also in the camp of if you are really good friends, you may need to level with them.  Poor table manners could reflect badly on your friends in networking or professional settings in the future, and they deserve a heads up that some people find their table behavior unsavory.  I think you can be kind about it, as PPs have suggest, and ask that they try to be more mindful of not doing whatever it is.  If you are also asking them to help you try to correct your own behaviors, it might be better than calling them out alone.  And there's always a sweetheart table at your reception if you'd rather not see their manners on your wedding day.

CowgirlK39

I agree with the PPs who said use the joking method. I have a friend who insists he will show up to my wedding in his dirty smelly work clothes (he goes out in public like this all the time). I laughed and said "Haha No ya won't." When he kept laughing saying he definitely will dress like that, I gave him a serious face and said "No, really, I'm serious. Please do not show up to my wedding dressed like that." I think the change in tone got his attention, but yet the friendlier start made it less harsh and out-of-nowhere. So when your BM burps, laugh and say "Dude, thats so nasty, you better not do that during my reception!" If she laughs it off or says she doesn't care, change your tone and say "No, seriously please don't do that, you will really embarrass me."

Tahlora

One of my BM/best friend has horrid habits food wise. I love her to death but she eats with her fingers, and not just like picking it up and putting it in her mouth, as a example, grilled cheese, she smooshes it flat and tears it up and chews w/ her mouth open, and she always has a few nails that are grossly long and it's kind of more yucky because of them, not sure why lol. And she will stick a finger in your food sometimes to taste it or in your drink to mix it, most of my other friends refuse to hang out with her, cant blame them i suppose but i love her and I know it isn't really her fault, her parents just didn't focus on table manners i guess. I have tisked at her when we have dinner in public, in a nice teasing way and she usualy gets better for the rest of the night.