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Tattoo in memory of deceased boyfriend

Please Help...

Everyone has a past right? My fiance' knows about every detail of mine, because he has been part of my life forever.. before we were a couple he was one of my best friends, and he was best friends with the man I was in a relationship with before him... My past relationship was over six years, and he suddenly died in a car accident, which of course sent me into horrible shock and depression. I had been greatly into tattoos before his death, and every single tattoo I have has great meaning to me. When my boyfriend passed away, a few days later I got a tattoo in memory of him, on my wrist, with his name and a key (the key to my heart).. a few months later I got another tattoo in memory of him on my back of angel wings with a quote and his birth and death date, and again.. his name. I do not regret either of these tattoos at all, he was an important part of my life, and I will forever love him.. the only thing I regret is having his name on me twice.. it does not affect my fiance', he is very understanding, he also has a tattoo in memory of him, BUT.. I'm worried that on our wedding day people may look at me, marrying this amazing man, and then see the name of the man I lost, and it'll make it uncomfortable for people..... Our group of friends, and our families all know about what happened, and know about my tattoos, I just don't want anything to take away from the beauty of us becoming a married couple.

Input is greatly appreciated..

BFP #1 on 03.20.12 [EDD 11.22.12]- HB heard at 7w6d - No HB at 9w - D&C scheduled for 04.24.12 - miscarried on my own 04.23.12
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Re: Tattoo in memory of deceased boyfriend

  • IMO if it were me - I would cover them. Buuuut that being said you mentioned your whole family already knows about the situation so I wouldn't be toooo worried about it. I'm only giving you the "what I would do" opinion. I think that it should be a personal decision for you and your FI.

    One thing I would think about is the pictures that will be taken of you and your FI. Do you want a picture of the two of you, timeless and beautiful on your wedding day... with your exes name in it? I know that he passed away and it is in memory of him, but for merely the sake of wedding photos I would want to cover it.

    Hope that helps!
  • can you choose a full backed dress or dress with bolero, I think it would be a respectful choice to cover them so that the name of another guy isn't prominently displayed as you walk down the aisle

  • Personally, I'd at least cover the one on your back.  It's a meaninful tattoo and I agree it's not something you should regret, but I wouldn't want the image of the tattoos to distract from the image of the two of you becoming one, if that makes sense.
  • Thank you all so much for your inputs. This was a hard question to put out here, worried about the comments that I'd get. But I appreciate the honesty. I already bought a dress, and it does not cover my back - did look for some that covered more, but it's extremely hard to find dresses in the style I like that cover your entire back.

    I have thick hair so I was thinking of just wearing my hair down or even half down/half up so that it covers my back. OR - if I decide an updo looks best, possibly having a vail that will hang down to cover my back and atleast take some attention away from the tattoo.. during the ceremony and pictures.This is a very hard decision for me. At the time I got the tattoos I didn't think I'd ever get married so I wasn't worried about any of these issues.. now that marriage is a year away, it's all I can think about. 
    BFP #1 on 03.20.12 [EDD 11.22.12]- HB heard at 7w6d - No HB at 9w - D&C scheduled for 04.24.12 - miscarried on my own 04.23.12
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  • lovetruly06lovetruly06 member
    100 Comments
    edited October 2010
      If the dress dose not cover your back, find a nice crop jacket to wear over it for the ceremony and the photos, and dont worry to much about the reception. Or if you dont mind lace, find or have a nice light weight crop jacket made out of lace and a soft lining to wear for the whole night. 
      It will look nice and be comfortable to wear all night if you so choose. I hope this helps!
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  • Why not put your hair down and see how much of it is covered? I mean if his name is covered and all anyone could see is the wings, would they necessarily think "must be from an ex-boyfriend? I don't know much, if anything, about tatoos, but to me wings doesn't scream romantic, it more suggests loss, so it could be anyone you've lost.

    If you really do want to cover your back tatoo entirely, I vote for a bolero or shurg or something during the ceremony, that's when your back will be most prominent.


  • I would rename the post to deceased previous boyfriend. Ex implies that there was a breakup of some sort.

    Semantics aside, I agree with the others on trying to find a bolero, jacket, shrug, or something. Coverup and photoshop you'll always know is fake. Even if no one can tell.

    The thing is that Cody was an extremely close friend of both of yours that died. It's okay for him to always hold a part of your heart. He holds part of your current fiance's and that's probably part of what brought the two of you together and is something you share. So, I say cover it for some of the photos but I might even, depending on where your fiance's tattoo is located, take a picture or two that feature them.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_tattoo-memory-of-deceased-ex-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:358Discussion:9732825d-30e3-4b45-bcfe-6b21a414ebb3Post:f426fe32-09ff-4d27-8808-e46244720cf8">Re: Tattoo in memory of deceased ex-boyfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would rename the post to deceased previous boyfriend. Ex implies that there was a breakup of some sort. Semantics aside, I agree with the others on trying to find a bolero, jacket, shrug, or something. Coverup and photoshop you'll always know is fake. Even if no one can tell. The thing is that Cody was an extremely close friend of both of yours that died. It's okay for him to always hold a part of your heart. He holds part of your current fiance's and that's probably part of what brought the two of you together and is something you share. So, I say cover it for some of the photos but I might even, depending on where your fiance's tattoo is located, take a picture or two that feature them.
    Posted by kristend72[/QUOTE]

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  • I was also going to mention something about your hair. If it's not long enough already, I would just grow it out and leave all or half your hair down for the wedding to cover it up. Between that and a veil it should be completely covered! =]
  • I know that I am in the minority by saying this, but I don't think you should hide the tattoos.

    I don't think you should emphasise them either, but I think they are a part of who you are and shouldn't be hidden. You were worried about what other people think, and I believe that since everyone already knows about it, hiding them will only make them stand out more (since people already know they are there).

    This day is about you and your fiance, and I think you two, and not the ink on you, will be noticed on your day and in the pictures you will keep.

    Just go with whatever feels natural.

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  • I think your idea of having a veil (with or without having your hair down) is a perfect solution.

    A double tiered veil would likely be thick enough to obscure the details of the tattoo so that it wouldn't be front and center; in fact, some people may not notice at all. That way there's no risk, on the day of, that you'll feel you're not being true to yourself, or your lost love, by covering up the tattoo with make-up.
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  • Tattoos are are a part of you and who you are.  No need to cover them..they are who you are.  If you feel beautiful then that is all that counts.  You do not have to hide anything.  Do what you feel in your heart :)
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  • don't hide them...they are a very important part of your history and apparently your history with your soon to be husband. Isn't it wonderful that the two of you shared a friend? That must really strengthen the bond between you.
    Wear your hair down, or a veil, which you would probably do anyway, and come to the altar honoring the memory of someone who was part of your journey towards the man you will share the rest of your life with.
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  • Your tats are a part of you, so don't cover them up unless YOU want to.

    I wouldn't worry about what other people would think - what I WOULD worry about is all your wedding photos of the 2 of you and seeing "CODY". That's the first thing I thought of. (I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive. I would just personally not want beautiful photos of me and my husband on our wedding day and regret having those tattoos clearly displayed).
  • I think your tattoos are beautiful, and for a beautiful reason, and I wouldn't go out of your way to cover them. Hair down would be a perfect way to just distract from them, and maybe just angle your arm in any main photos so that the arm one doesn't show in your photos, out of respect for your hubby. Othewise, don't worry, they are part of you, and show that you are a genuine person who loves deeply, nothing to be ashamed of.
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