Bridesmaids same hair and make-up

[Deleted User]

So first and foremost, I am not a controlling person at all, and if any of my bridesmaids had a huge issue with it I would let it go...but...
Is it completely unacceptable to ask bridesmaids to do their hair and make-up the same exact way? This mostly comes from the fact that I would just like the uniform look of them all looking the same (ok not look the same, they are different ethniticities/hair color/height/etc/etc, but it would be a nice way to tie everything together). I think it would accentuate the ceremony and pictures nicely. Also, I have chosen a relatively simple hair style that would work/look great on all bridesmaids hair. I also like it because there's would be up and mine would be down.
And lastly, I'm going to PAY FOR IT. In my opinion, if it's my big day, and I'm footing the bill, I don't think it's completely unreasonable. Also, I promise I would wear whatever hairstyle/dress they would ever force me into for their wedding
Just want some opinions I guess...

MrsKathyC

You can suggest it to them, see how they feel about it, but in the end you shouldn't force them.

I myself like it when the bridesmaids have the same hair/dress/etc

fallbride1109

You are doing the right thing by paying for it so I'll give you that.

While I understand what you are trying to do, your BMs are not clones, they are individuals.  Personally, I wanted my BMs to feel beautiful and let them choose whatever hair and makeup they wanted.  That was more important to me than them looking the same.  Besides that, the matchy-matchy bridesmaid look is a little dated, IMO.  From a purely practical standpoint, if you asked me to wear my hair up, you would have to pay for it because my hair is thin and fine and I could never get it to stay up without professional help. 

I guess just think about how you would feel if one of your BMs was getting married and asked the same of you.  In the end, it's not the worst thing I've ever heard of but if anyone has a real problem with it, I hope you will respect their feelings.

yoshijo

I agree that if you do this you should pay for it. But I really dislike wearing my hair up, I NEVER do, and after spending money on a BM dress I would at least want to be confident in how I look. I think you will stand out enough as the bride without having to have a completely different hairstyle than your BMS (I'm not saying you're doing it soley to stand out but you did mention your hair would be down). In my opinion I would let them wear their hair however they would like. That said, I don't think it's a huge deal of you to request this as long as you are paying and none of them have an issue.

soontobehanby

I don't think it is all that big a deal to ask your bm to wear their hair a certain way.  It's hair.  If they freak out about it, that's their deal.  I personally would do whatever a bride asked me to do with my hair because it is the nice thing to do and it isn't going to kill me to wear my hair up when I normally wear it down.  I am asking my bm wear their hair down.  Thats all. If they come and it's up, I won't freak out, but honestly, I may be annoyed because it really is a simple request. If you are paying for it, then have them wear it how you like it.  If they are good friends they would suck it up for just one day.  I guess I am just saying this from my perspective.  If I were the bm, I would have no problem.

cwaggoner07

I don't think it's a big deal if you're paying for it.

I was in a very formal wedding once, and the bride made everyone wear their hair up (including her) but she paid for it. I really didn't mind at all, it was about her, not me.

For the makeup, I don't know that I would make the effort to go that far. You may want to pay for everyone's to ensure that it looks good, but I wouldn't get so hung up on everyone matching. Certain eye shadow tones, blushes, and mascaras just do not look good on every skin tone. 

[Deleted User]

Since you're paying for it why shouldn't you have a say. My girls were shocked when I told them to do their hair however they are comfortable. They were expecting to be told they had to wear it a certain way from past weddings they were in. But that is my choice to let them wear their hair different. Your choice is the same. I do agree with one PP. With the makeup maybe be a little flexible. Depending on skin tones the same blush/lipstick & possibly eyeshadow won't look good on every girl. If I were in your shoes I would talk to the makeup artist and work on a range of colors for the eyes for the girls so the makeup matches each other but compliments each girl.

kmmssg

When I see bridemaids in matching hair and makeup (and shoes) my very first thought is someone was a bridezilla.  NO ONE should have to suck anything up for the honor of standing in your wedding.  You asked individuals and they should look like individuals regardless of who is paying for hair and makeup.

s-aries8990

I think you should really talk to them and see how they feel. Make sure they are honest and they will be. If they don't mind then go for it, but if some have issues, then address them and see if you can have a different style that would take their needs into consideration. Some may have makeup allergies or problem skin that will be messed up by makeup. Speak to them individually so none of them feel strong-armed into another decision by others in the group.

By paying for it you are going about it the right way, but if some have issues, see if you can come up with a few variations that will give you the same feel. If they say they don't like it/want it/ have issues with it for one reason or another- you have your answer: NO.

Some may mind and some won't, so I'll repeat-- ASK THEM.

annamario1013

you are paying ...then by all means i think thats fair

geieran

I agree with the poster who said that she thinks of bridezilla when she sees the same hairstyle. There are a lot of really valid points in that some people get headaches with updos and some poeple have sensitive skin. 

I'm not sure that talking to them will do the trick, though. Most of us are programmed to think that they can have no opinion whatsoever. So when you ask, even though they may hate the idea, they will just say "That's fine." 

You may think that you have found a style that looks good for everyone, but I don't think that's possible. No one has the same hair type, face shape, etc. I was in a wedding once where she wanted us all in low buns. Everyone went on about how unattractive it looked on us and honestly they went on about how it looked like the bride was trying to downplay the bridesmaids. I'm not saying that's what you're trying to do, but there's no way that putting them all in the same hairstyle is accentuating their beauty. Each girl is different. And for that matter, just because you think a girl looks better in a certain hairstyle, doesn't mean she does. She may feel the worst she has ever felt in a hairstyle and she's standing in front of a crowd embarrassed. Think about how they feel.

puppetrick

I had my BMs style their hair in the manner they wanted to. I had my hair dresser come in to do my hair and anyone else's if they wanted, but each girl opted to do her own - and you know what? They all looked beautiful - and the pictures were awesome. Every girl looked the way I would want her to look - each individual's self. They had all asked me pre-wedding what I had "wanted," but I told them to have whatever they wanted.

puppetrick

lol - not necessarily THIS picture being "awesome" but my "professional" ones are! :)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_bridesmaids-same-hair-and-make-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:358Discussion:ad084567-89bd-4bdb-a12a-c26ffb23a265Post:2508e7ab-ceca-4ca7-9244-751f93febea4">Re: Bridesmaids same hair and make-up</a>:
[QUOTE]I had my BMs style their hair in the manner they wanted to. I had my hair dresser come in to do my hair and anyone else's if they wanted, but each girl opted to do her own - and you know what? They all looked beautiful - and the pictures were awesome. Every girl looked the way I would want her to look - each individual's self. They had all asked me pre-wedding what I had "wanted," but I told them to have whatever they wanted.
Posted by puppetrick[/QUOTE]

itzMS

If you are paying, it could be OK in general if you suggest that hair must be all up or half up/half down, etc. It's borderline bridezilla, but not terrible

Try to stay away from specific style requirements. For example, if a bride told me I couldn't wear my bangs or had to wear my hair curly, I would be incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious.

Cryssteen

Do what you want - it's your wedding.  It might be easier on everyone if you gave guidance.. like, everyone has their hair up, or down, or to the left side... different lengths and cuts and types of hair make it hard to do it the same exact way.  Make up however... that's hard to do the same on everyone.  Again, i'd say go w/ guidance - smokey eyes, nude lips, for example.   

I'm actually surprized you didn't get more beat up on this board for even venturing to ASK the question.   I was ready to scroll through a brawl.   

It's traditional to have the same dresses, shoes, etc.  It's not a bridezilla thing.  I've been in a ton of weddings.  We've always worn the same dress. There's nothing wrong w/ the day looking the way you want it to... You will never get that chance again. 

soontobehanby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_bridesmaids-same-hair-and-make-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:358Discussion:ad084567-89bd-4bdb-a12a-c26ffb23a265Post:c6f01e3f-c778-42fe-a639-fac4f9326b21">Re:Bridesmaids same hair and makeup</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaids same hair and makeup: So anyone who wouldn't make themselves uncomfortable, possibly in a very physical way, is a bad friend? Seriously? Personally, I wanted my wedding to be something my friends enjoyed not a day they sucked it up and got through. Different people look good in different hairstyles and different makeup tones and colors. Why would you want your friends not to look their personal best at your wedding? Some people get severe headaches from updos. Some people have incredibly sensitive skin and using a different makeup for a day can involve fighting breakouts for weeks after. Should they suck it up and suffer physically? Sorry, but the whole "it's about the bride, so a real friend would change their appearance for a day" mentality feels far too close to treating friends like props. Would a good friend do it? Probably. But what does it say about the "friend" who would ask them to do something they may not like? Why is it always on the BMs to be good friends and never the bride?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I never said that they would be a bad friend if they didn't do their hair a certain way. But if a bride said "wear your hair down" and a bridesmaid come in with an updo, well that's just silly.  I always wear my hair down and straight, because that is how I am comfortable.  But if I were a bridesmaid and it was requested that I wear my hair up and curly and it was getting paid for, then I would suck it up.  It's just my hair.  It's not going to kill me even though it isn't in my comfort zone.  Maybe I am just a people pleaser, but i honestly don't see them harm in requesting a certain style.  Making a girl chop her hair short or dye it, that is a whole other story.

bridalmarch

The last wedding I went to was just under a month ago. It was easily one of the fanciest and most costly weddings I've ever attended. I can't even tell you what color the bridesmaids wore, much less what their makeup looked like. 

I guess if you're paying, no harm no foul, but I would think it was weird if I were one of your BMs. Particularly if you truly are an easy going person - that would be way out of left field. 

MeeJay22

 I think the idea that you are here asking for advice means you are NOT a bridezilla... Having the idea doesn't mean you are controlling- geez.

     Just throw the idea out to your bridesmaids (make sure they know you are offering to pay for it) and see how they feel. My bridesmaids were shocked they weren't required to wear the same dress but I did tell them I'd prefer they would curl their hair and they didn't mind at all. The point is to communicate with them and make sure they are comfortable.