Dad passed away, trying fulfill his "duties"

bburkel

My dad passed away 6 years ago.

I have 2 older brothers, and I have asked one of them to give me away (he's in a wheelchair, so I can't really say "walk me down the aisle"), problem is I'm not sure what to do with the father/daughter dance.   I know that my FI will want to dance with his mother, and I don't want to take that away from them.  

Also, should I ask both brothers take me down the aisle?  Should my mom be involved?  And, if more than one person is "giving me away" how do I make them all fit in the aisle when one is in a wheelchair? 

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dad-passed-away-trying-fulfill-his-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:07fcd4aa-f44f-4777-a4e8-6d49ab5f91e3Post:0fdb8cc7-8f16-44b4-9a6a-2c5359157a65">Re: Dad passed away, trying fulfill his "duties"</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need to have a "father-daughter dance".  Just let your FMIL dance with her son after you two have your first dance. If you are being married in a church, the minister or priest will have some ideas. As for involving your mother, she can walk you down the aisle if you wish.  It's done a lot these days.  She can also give you away.  It is up to you.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This.

Also you can have your brother that is in the wheel chair escort you down the aisle while your other brother and mother follow behind.  And/or when they say who gives this bride away your brothers and mom can say "We do" at the same time. 

We gave a "gift" (rose) to our parents during the ceremony as a thank you for raising and teaching love to our SO.  Maybe you can give one to the moms.

ETA: I *think* it was one Four Weddings where the officiant said "As the B & Gs last act as single people they will kiss the person that kissed them first, their mother's"

RebeccaB88

What about letting one brother walk you down the aisle, and the other answer for the family when asked who presents you for marriage?  (If you're going to be asking that question, that is.)

scooter1484

Since you have two older brothers, you could have them each perform part of the "father duties."  By that I mean have the brother whom is not giving you away do a special dance with you in lieu of the father/daughter dance.      

RachelR0282

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dad-passed-away-trying-fulfill-his-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:07fcd4aa-f44f-4777-a4e8-6d49ab5f91e3Post:a1aa5527-4bf1-44c2-abb1-0abf16d9b1be">Re: Dad passed away, trying fulfill his "duties"</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you have two older brothers, you could have them each perform part of the "father duties."  By that I mean have the brother whom is not giving you away do a special dance with you in lieu of the father/daughter dance.      
Posted by scooter1484[/QUOTE]

This is what I was going to suggest.

ashleyvanderhoof

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dad-passed-away-trying-fulfill-his-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:07fcd4aa-f44f-4777-a4e8-6d49ab5f91e3Post:4788d05c-de84-4322-84cc-f981da50a15e">Re: Dad passed away, trying fulfill his "duties"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dad passed away, trying fulfill his "duties" :   ETA: I *think* it was one Four Weddings where the officiant said "As the B & Gs last act as single people they will kiss the person that kissed them first, their mother's"
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

Oh my gosh. How sweet.

kateguess22

Hi bburkel. I'm sorry that you lost your dad. I lost mine a little over 4 years ago so I understand a lot of how you feel!

For walking down the aisle, you need to decide how you want to do it! Having your Mom walk you down is totally appropriate, having more than one brother walk you down is totally fine too. The idea is to have your family's support as you walk into your marriage, and that's exactly what you will be doing! You could even walk down the aisle alone or with your fiance!
The most important thing is that you choose something that is right for you- I feel like the walk down the aisle is one of the most important parts of my wedding and it seems like one of those aspects that you will always remember. I'm planning to walk down the aisle alone but I'm still thinking about whether I should ask my mom to give me away.
When your FI is dancing with his mother, if you want to, sometimes the bride will dance with her mother! Is that something you and your mom would be comfortable with? Sometimes the mother/daughter dance in a case like yours is done to a song that was special to the father who passed away. I'm not having dancing at my wedding, and I wouldn't choose to do this just isn't "us" but I know a lot of brides do this.
Do not feel like you have to adhere to all of the traditional wedding customs. It's okay to leave out anything that you want to. My boss and her husband had one rule for their wedding- there are no "musts" and it gave them the freedom to omit anything they didn't want. You can skip the father-daughter dance. Or you can keep it and dance with your grandfather, your uncle, your brother- or anyone who you feel close with. But don't feel you have to. You aren't obligated to choose someone if you won't feel good about it.
I'm sorry again. I know for me it is hard to skip parts of the wedding that I always looked forward to sharing with my Dad. Making a lot of decisions to omit things and leave them out has helped me. Also I like to think about how I am bringing all of my favourite memories of my dad with me on that day to have him with me.