What to pay for

jeff0908

So here's the story my dad said he will help pay for the wedding, i thought that included every possible thing except for the rehersal dinner, according to him its not if anyon caould please help and let me know what he should pay for in detail and who pays for everything else

toothpastechica

I agree with past posts....Any thing he wants to pay for he can pay for..its a gift not a requirement. Having said that it sounds like you might want to have a conversation asking him what he was planning on paying for, and what kind of budget you are looking at (either for a specific item or for the wedding...whatever HIS answer to the previous question is). My FILS gave us a total that they can put to the wedding and we are giving them our receipts and getting reembursed by them up to that total, my parents are paying for catering because thats what they can afford. The point of parents helping is because they WANT to (as a gift) not to because they feel obligated to, and it shuldn't be a financial strain on them, if it is I would start looking into ways i could pay for it myself.

jemmini6

PP's covered good points, I just wanted to add that you should NOT be asking anyone for money for the RD either (or any of the other portions that aren't being covered by your father's generous gift).  The archaic tradition is that the grooms family host it, but in no way, shape, or form is it their responsibility to.  If they don't offer, YOU pay for it.

caterpillar85

My fiance's parents originally said they would pay for what groom's parent's "traditionally" paid for, which is flowers and rehearsal dinner (at least this is what FMIL said, I'm not certain on this). Then between our engagement and now, they are getting a divorce, and it's getting ugly So I assumed they wouldn't help at all and budgeted accordingly.

Then they discussed it together and decided to each give $500, so $1k total. I'm going along with the plans like they aren't giving us any money, and if they actually do give it to us then it will be a bonus. (honeymoon!)

Him saying he will "help" is pretty vague. Giving you $5 is helping. Just ask him casually what he was thinking as far as if it was going to be a specific monetary value, or by an item (dress, photographer, etc) BUT keep in mind if he says he wants to pay for, say, the flowers, he can be entitled to have a say in what goes. And if he does pay for something specific, he probably has a spending limit. There's a big price difference in a $400 dress and a $4,000 dress. Make sure to stay in his means.

Hilraythebride

There is nothing he HAS to or SHOULD pay for, if he offered to pay for things, give him some time to come forward with ideas of what he meant while you are in the early stages of planning.  If this doesn't happen be straight with him let him know you are starting to make decisions on things for the wedding like photography venue etc and you were wondering how he would like to help.  If he said hewould then just ask him in what capacity he will be able to do so.  Make it clear that you don't have any expectations and you are so gracious and thankful in any capacity he is able and willing to help.  If you don't have anyone else to help, you my friend are stuck with the rest!

jeff0908

I guess the way I wrote that sounded really bad.  I talked to my dad and he wants to help pay for the wedding but he wants to go by what the bride's family "traditionally" pays for. I am fine with paying for anything else he just told me to look around and find out how traditions go. 

Beverly8

Traditionally speaking I believe that the brides family paid for everything but the rehearsal dinner. I do not know how often this happens anymore, but when it comes to what he "should" pay for, technically he's responsible for nothing. You and your FI would be responsible for everything unless otherwise discussed with your parents. Good luck planning

tess6373

In our area, the grooms family traditionally pays for the bar, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon.  Brides family pays for whats left. 

again that is all official tradition.  the reality is weddings are expensive (my parents had made a bold statement about paying for everything until we realized what costs would be like!) so you should be able to pay for everything you really want in case they cant help as much as they would like.