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Customs and Traditions

Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding

Since so many people are getting their panties in a bunch about me using the words "bachelor party," I have opted to edit and remove the original post. LaughingThanks to the few people with the good advice!

Re: Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    I think your expectation of being inseperable for the first year of marriage is ridiculous. It wouldn't actually be a bachelor party if it happens after the wedding (and he shouldn't plan his own before the wedding) but I think you are completly overeacting. One weekend apart won't kill you.


  • One weekend apart won't kill you.

    I guess for me, it would depend on what the plans are for this "guys weekend."   Few rounds of golf someplace nice?  Fine.   Man-spa treatments?  Fine.    Some drunkeness and stip clubs?  Probably okay, as long as it's not as "bachelor party" as is usual for pre-wedding parties.  So basically, once we're married, I don't want him acting like he's still single, or telling people he's still single ("can I write on your boobs?  this is my bachelor party!")   

    But just a weekend away with the guys would be totally fine.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited February 2012
    Yes, you're overreacting. It's only one weekend, you'll survive. Let's not be all clingy and smothering, okay?  Back awaaay from the crazy.

    It shouldn't be called a "bachelor" party because he won't be a bachelor anymore. It can be called what it is... a vacation with the guys.

    You can go away that weekend, too, with some girlfriends. Or spend the weekend loafing around on the couch in your ripped t-shirt eating ice cream. Whatevs.
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  • I don't think you are overreacting. It sounds like the timing of the whole vacation is the issue. Am I correct? I wouldn't be cool with my new husband taking a trip that soon after we tied the knot. I have been married just over a month -but that is just my two cents!!!
  • You are definitely over reacting.

    What your FI is planning is not a B-party, it's a weekend with the guys.  It's very tacky for someone to plan their own b-party and having it after the wedding negates the "bachelor" aspect of it. 
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  • Thank you all for your feedback. I know that it's not a bachelor party after the fact, but that is his reason for planning the trip - he wants to have that tradition (even though the timing is backwards). He's planning something out of state for about  5 days. I totally trust him, so that's not an issue at all. It is because of the timing. We currently have a long distance relationship,  so I would have appreciated if plans would have been made sooner so he could have his dream guy trip before the wedding or at least not during our first  three months of marriage! Call me a dreamer, but I so look forward to seeing him everyday, considering the distance that is currently between us. However, you may be right Simply Fated, once I wake up from my dream, I may be booking the flight for him so I can hold the remote for 5 days! :)
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, if he's already married, he doesn't get a bachelor party.  He's not a bachelor anymore.  Same goes if you're already married, you don't get a bachelorette party.  (I know you aren't doing that, just saying it for comparison's sake.)  So, the timing here is really the key.  I think your expectation of being inseparable for the first year is excessive, but I also respect that you don't want him acting like he's not married when he is.  I'd feel the same way. 

    He can't plan his own bachelor party, but he can plan a weekend away with his guys as a thank-you to them for being in the wedding.  My cousin's husband took his groomsmen and ushers on a whitewater rafting trip.  No strippers or drunken carousing, just the guys, their guide, some rafts, and a few beers afterwards.  He could do that before or after the wedding.  But the expectation was 'you're married and you need to act like it', and it wasn't a bachelor party. 

    It sucks for your FI that his guys aren't stepping up to do it, but that happens sometimes. 
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited February 2012
    Of COURSE you look forward to seeing him every day, especially since you dont get to see him often now, no one thinks that's wrong for you to want. But trust me when I say, as much as you'll miss him, you'll appreciate the time you'll have to yourself, too. 5 days is a long time, but it's not like you won't be able to talk to him or anything. There's always Skype and programs like that. You also run the risk of him resenting you if you make him feel guilty for wanting to go. That's not a good way to start out a marriage.
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  • "I am not okay with this for no other reason except I just assumed we would be inseparable during our 1st year of marriage and not voluntarily taking trips with our friends."

    While some people may have this expectation (you are the first for me), I don't think anything bad is going to happen if you are apart.  I mean do you think something bad will happen, or are you just upset that your initial expectation may not be realized?   

    It is very healthy for couples, including newlyweds to still do stuff with their friends, and even go on guys' trips.  In fact absence makes the heart grow fonder!  You can still be inseparable in heart and spirit.
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
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    edited February 2012
    In Response to Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE] I am not okay with this for no other reason except I just assumed we would be inseparable during our 1st year of marriage and not voluntarily taking trips with our friends.
    Posted by ivy_michigan[/QUOTE]

    Say what now?

    My husband and I have been married for nine months (ish - I dunno) and he's been to Pittsburgh and Buffalo.  In a few weeks, he's off to Vegas.  I've been to Boston and Vermont.  I guess we're doing it wrong...?
  • In Response to Re: Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]I think your expectation of being inseperable for the first year of marriage is ridiculous. It wouldn't actually be a bachelor party if it happens after the wedding (and he shouldn't plan his own before the wedding) but I think you are completly overeacting. One weekend apart won't kill you.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    This.

    And IMHO it sounds like your jealous and want him all to yourself.  Which I don't blame you because I would be sad as well if my H wanted to go away for 5 days with out me.  But I wouldn't stop him or give him a guilt trip about it because there is no rational reasoning behind it other than using emotions to control somebody who is not myself.  When you get married you don't get to give permission for another person to go somewhere.
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  • A guys trip is perfectly fine...don't call it and dont like him call it a bachlor party. It's not, and being already married, i would expect to have a rough idea of what they are planning to do during it (not detail, and not to give rules).

    Planning on being inseperable sounds like a recipe for disastor to me....I know I need my time away from FI now and then and I expect that he might want a weekend away from me every once in a while.

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  • My FI travels a bit every now and again and I flipped a switch when they asked him to be away the day before our wedding to come back the morning of...he declined that particular trip but he's going to give another training in another city the week after our wedding (5 days specifically) and then he's stopping off in CT to golf with his brother before coming home.

    It's a trip and I promise it isn't a big deal; you will be together forever and forever is a long stinking time. One weekend isn't a big deal but it's not a "bachelor party" and he shouldn't treat it like one.
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  • Three months after our wedding, my hubby and his best man went up north for 4 days together for man-bonding.   They waited until September so the leaves would have turned already and spent the weekend hiking and fishing.  He had a fantastic time and we had a great reunion!  :)    It's important that you do some things seperately in your marriage... it's healthier for the relationship!
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  • In Response to Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]I don't know if I am over reacting or being too sensitive, but my fiance wants to take a "guys trip" for his bachelor party. Unfortunately, none of the groomsmen have stepped up to the plate at this point to plan anything. My fiance has decided that he is going to plan the trip himself now, but because of the timing of our wedding, work schedule, counseling, etc., he's thinking this trip is going to take place 1-3 months after we get married! I am not okay with this for no other reason except I just assumed we would be inseparable during our 1st year of marriage and not voluntarily taking trips with our friends. I do want him to do something special BEFORE our big day, and feel that he deserves it, but I also feel that I am getting the short end of the stick because he/the guys haven't planned anything. I have been very honest about my feelings, and while he says that he doesn't want me to feel like this, he does want to have that special time with his friends and feels that it is not his fault that it can't happen before the wedding.  Am I overreacting? Am I wrong for feeling like he may need to downgrade is wishes to just hanging out locally or somewhere nearby some time before the wedding? What is the first year of marriage like - do you really feel sad when you have to be apart? I just need feedback! Thank you!
    Posted by ivy_michigan[/QUOTE]
    First bolded part: bachelor parties are a gift. If no one offers you don't get one or throw one yourself.
    Second: that's ridiculous. You don't get a bachelor party (no matter who throws it) when you're already married.  
    Third: It's not wrong to think this is really weird, because it is. Normal guys don't have a B party after the wedding.  On the same token it's really, really odd to be concerned about spending a weekend apart during the first year. 
    Fourth: It's great. It's different for every couple. But no one should be losing their mind over a weekend apart. 
  • I understand how you feel about not wanting to be apart, but I've been living with my FI for almost a year now and we see each other every day. Believe me, I love my alone time on Wednesday nights during the winter when he's off curling. I promise it won't be a huge deal and you will probably appreciate that alone time/time to hang out with your girl friends.

    Ditto PPs on the other matters, too.
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  • I am 100% against a weekend trip with the guys/bachelor parties away.  FI went to one a few months ago (the first one he ever went to) and it was a DISASTER.  They behaved completely innapropriately and one couple even broke up after what happened at the party!  I'd say he gets a night out on the town and be done with it.  He's married, he doesn't get a post wedding bachelor party.
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  • I agree - a weekend away with the guys is okay and so healthy. I just wouldn't have him calling it his bachelor party and acting still single. 
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

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  • First of all, he should not be planning his own bachelor party.  Second of all, if it's after the wedding, it's not a bachelor party.  So in light of that, it's fine for him to plan a guys weekend, but it's not in his honor, and he should not expect his friends to cover his costs.

    The real issue here though is your separation anxiety.  How long will you have been together by the time of your wedding?  Do you already live together?  Are you waiting for your wedding night for intimacy?  None of those answers are excuses, but it just might help me understand where you are coming from here.  Also, what do you mean by "inseparable"?  Is he not allowed to even go out for a night with just his friends?  Are you going to drag him on all of your errands? 

    A little bit of separation is healthy, even for newlyweds, because while you have a new relationship status, you'll probably have already been together for a while.  Marriage doesn't reset that clock and all of a sudden make the need of alone time go away. 

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  • I actually have multiple friends that spent several months living apart the first year of their marriage, even a few that had to spend the first  2-3 years living separately for different reasons (Deployment, School, jobs, trying to unload a house in this horrible real estate market) ... so at this point, the concept of a guy going away with his friends for a couple of days doesn't even phase me.

    That being said, you don't get to plan your own bach party, and you certainly don't get to have one after the wedding took place. If he wants to call it a "guys only" weekend or something, fine, but calling it his bachelor party is just tacky as hell.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to Re: Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]I am 100% against a weekend trip with the guys/bachelor parties away.  FI went to one a few months ago (the first one he ever went to) and it was a DISASTER.  They behaved completely innapropriately and one couple even broke up after what happened at the party!  I'd say he gets a night out on the town and be done with it.  He's married, he doesn't get a post wedding bachelor party.
    Posted by SCogs18[/QUOTE]

    They didn't break up because of a weekend at a party, they broke up for many deeper issues...either somebody was cheating or somebody has some serious control/jealousy issues or something else. 

    Please don't try to control somebody who is not you.
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  • In Response to Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE] I am not okay with this for no other reason except I just assumed we would be inseparable during our 1st year of marriage and not voluntarily taking trips with our friends. [/QUOTE]

    I am also in a long distance relationship, and have been for 5 1/2 years, and I think you are completely overreacting. You are not being a dreamer in that you want to spend everyday with him, but youa re being ridiculous when stating in your own words you are annoyed just because you assumed you would be inseperable. He'll go, you'll miss him, and then he'll come home.

    And don't call it a bachelor party. It's not and it's making people unfairly judge your FH.
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  • In Response to Re: Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]I am 100% against a weekend trip with the guys/bachelor parties away.  FI went to one a few months ago (the first one he ever went to) and it was a DISASTER.  They behaved completely innapropriately and one couple even broke up after what happened at the party!  I'd say he gets a night out on the town and be done with it.  He's married, he doesn't get a post wedding bachelor party.
    Posted by SCogs18[/QUOTE]

    Well then, it sounds like they are all immature and irresponsible and have a lot of growing up to do before they consider being in relationships (including your FI if he acted inappropriately too).

    Adults can handle being away from their partners.  Children can't.  So if you are concerned with your FI's behavior when he's OOT, you have MUCH deeper issues than a guys weekend....
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  • Hmm removed the post because people used your wording? Thats a bit immature imo, no one was uptight because of your choice of wording, they were answering your question, and last I saw people were being very realistic and saying they think its a good idea just not to call it something its not...I don't understand why you are offended.

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  • In Response to Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]Since so many people are getting their panties in a bunch about me using the words "bachelor party," I have opted to edit and remove the original post. Thanks to the few people with the good advice!
    Posted by ivy_michigan[/QUOTE]


    Really? You think your use of the phrase "bachelor party" was getting our panties in a bunch?
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  • I get my panties in a bunch when girls get irrational, controlling and can't let their SO go and have some time with other men...it's these girls that give woman a bad name.
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
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  • Now, I didn't get to read the entire original post, but I can piece it together from the other girls' comments. This just seems silly! My FI and I will be married in August 2013 (we'll have been together for almost five years at that point), and in Sept 2013 I will return to school in Edmonton while he stays working in Red Deer (an hour and half away, not a huge distance); either way, we aren't going to see eachother every day, probably only 3 days a week. We'll Skype or call eachother most other days, but I'm really not worried. Having your husband go away for 5 days within the "first three months" of marriage doesn't seem like a big deal to me, I think that you're over thinking the whole thing - and I think you'll enjoy it more than you think you will.

    Also, being inseperable sounds terrible, lol. Smile
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  • In Response to Re: Bachelor Party AFTER the Wedding:
    [QUOTE]Two of my friends got married, and within six months, her husband was deployed to Iraq. Getting shot at. And you're whining about a guys' weekend?
    Posted by AFP07[/QUOTE]


    I love this!
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