Mom to give me away?

TinkIs

Coming from a single parent household, my mom has been both a mother and a father to me. When she remarried, I was already older. Her husband and I don't have a close relationship, you can say we've never really..."clicked" 

I've always loved the idea of having my mother give me away and we talked about it before I was going to get married, and she loved the idea as well! ..

but up until recently, her husband has exprepssed that he wants to give me away because he's helping pay for the wedding. When I broke the news that I was having my mom do it, he became angry with me. What should I do?

Soon2BeMrsTing

That's a delicate situation.  I don't think it's right for your stepfather to expect to give you away if the two of you were never very close.  And I don't think that his financial contribution to your wedding should have any bearing on this very personal decision of who to give you away.  I'm sorry to hear that reacted badly to a plan that made both you and your mom happy.  In my mind, that should have been enough for him. 

Is there any chance that both of them could escort you down the aisle and give you away? 

lpowers1118

Do not let someone who feels they "deserve" or "earned" something dictate what is clearly important for you to have your mother do.  As her husband, he should understand that.  As a stepfather, he should respect that.  Stick with your initial choice of your mother.  It seems like this is what would make you happiest in the end. 

MyNameIsNot

Since he is her husband, I would probably talk to her about it first.  Explain that you are very happy with the decision to have her walk you down the aisle, and you think that she "earned" that right by raising you, not by paying for the wedding.  Explain that you don't feel like your step father had a hand in raising you, and that you don't feel that he would be the appropriate person to escort you, but that it isnt' meant to be a slight to him.  Then I would ask her if she wanted you to talk to him privately, with her, or if she'd prefer to talk to him about it herself.  

MobKaz

"Coming from a single parent household, my mom has been both a mother and a father to me. When she remarried, I was already older. Her husband and I don't have a close relationship, you can say we've never really..."clicked" 

I've always loved the idea of having my mother give me away and we talked about it before I was going to get married, and she loved the idea as well! ..

but up until recently, her husband has exprepssed that he wants to give me away because he's helping pay for the wedding. When I broke the news that I was having my mom do it, he became angry with me. What should I do?"

I think your own word choices dictate how you should respond.  You obviously feel strongly that you were raised by your mom alone.  You state that you were older when your mom remarried, and emphasize that point further by referring to this man as "her husband" rather than "your stepfather".  It screams (to me) that you do NOT have any type of paternal relationship with this man, let alone a close relationship.

You also say that when you broke the news to him regarding your wishes, he became angry.  I would think a more appropriate emotion would have been to feel hurt.  It sounds to me he wants the role for "show" as a host and as spouse of your mom.  Neither of those apply as "criteria" to walk a bride down the aisle.

I think you should calmly but firmly restate your original position.  As others have posted, this is not a role that is dictated by finances.  This is a symbolic role deep rooted in personal relationships between the bride and her escort.  Any intelligent and caring person would know whether that is a role they do, or should fulfill. 

mbrischoux

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mom-to-give-me-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0bbca1c0-1530-43e2-ab9b-e8ffd5540e02Post:c88f5572-1072-4d2e-80ba-d16159a563c6">Re: Mom to give me away?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>That's a delicate situation.  I don't think it's right for your stepfather to expect to give you away if the two of you were never very close.  And I don't think that his financial contribution to your wedding should have any bearing on this very personal decision of who to give you away.  I'm sorry to hear that reacted badly to a plan that made both you and your mom happy.  In my mind, that should have been enough for him.</strong>  Is there any chance that both of them could escort you down the aisle and give you away? 
Posted by Soon2BeMrsTing[/QUOTE]

This.  Plus, it's not like you're asking a total stranger to walk you down the aisle.  You're asking YOUR MOM.  HIS WIFE.  He should be happy that his wife gets this honor. 

If your mom already knows you want her to walk you down tha aisle, then she really should talk to him (with you) so that he understands that your mother - not by virtue of financial contribution to the wedding, but by virtue of being your support and parent your while life - will be wlaking you down that aisle.

Getting2Vowels

Can she walk you down and he meet both of you half way? Ive seen this done before ..a nice way to symbolize you're all family.