How far does the tradition go?

kjane12

I like to keep with some traditions and customs.  How far does the tradition for the groom not to see the bride's dress go?  Does that mean he shouldn't see her accessories either? Her shoes, veil, etc.?  In other words, I have this beautiful bolero that I may or may not wear with my wedding dress.  It was purchased along with the dress, specifically for the wedding.  However, I might want to wear it with a simple black dress to jazz it up (for another formal event) before we get married.  Do you think that would be taboo?

trix1223

Well, really-nothing is taboo.  The wedding police won't invalidate your wedding if your FI sees you in the dress before the wedding.They won't forbid you to get a license if he sees the shoes, veil, or cute bolero jacket.It's your preference only.My only hesitation about wearing the jacket ahead of time is if someone accidentally spills something, splashes, etc. and your jacket is stained/ruined before your wedding day.  That would be reason enough for me to keep it in the garment bag until wedding day.

futuremrsdawes

I'm not sure how far that tradition traditionally goes - but I agree w/ the PP that I wouldn't wear it just for fear of spilling something on it.  I also know that I showed my jewlery/hair accessories to my FI when they came in about a month ago and then kinda regreted it, luckily my FI has the memory of a dying fly and won't remember what they look like come the wedding day - this is the same man who when we go out asks me if my necklace is new (I've had the same necklace for two years). 

flirtatiousgrk

its just a superstition, these days a lot of girls are taking pictures before the wedding or even getting dressed in the same house and leaving together... personallly i dont want him to see me till i walk down the aisle i dont care if he sees my accessories i just dont want him to see them on me. in your situation i dont think thats a big deal. its not like its your veil..

kmmssg

If you stop and think about where these customs came from, you wouldn't worry about it. Many brides walk down the aisle alone now because they don't want to be "given away" as was how this custom started.  The custom of not seeing each other beforef the wedding/wearing a veil came about because the groom could change his mind if he didn't like what he saw since it was an arranged marriage.  The brides wore veils that covered their faces so the groom couldn't see the bride until they were married.  BTW - that was highly paraphrased.Do what is comfortable for you both, but I would also be worried about something happening to your jacket.

claudiastec

1. I agree with the previous poster. Take each tradition for what it really stands for/where it comes from, and then depending if it means anything to you, decide if you want to go with it or not. 2. Very creepy the arranged marriages. I am not doing the veil because I see it as a sign of "purity" like my dad will be walking me down the aisle, uncovering the veil and saying "here, you can have her, she is not a virgin anymore (or at least won't be after today, because we are unveiling her)!!!"... 3. Can anyone tell me what does DH and FI stands for when referring to their adorable husbands to be?

futuremrsdawes

@ Claudia - DH refers to Darling Husband, and FI refers to fiancé

Tequint

Actually, I'm pretty sure veils were originally worn to keep evil spirits away...

kate8987

I don't want fi to see my dress either, but he has seen my shoes, veil, and garter ( I diy'd my veil and garter so he saw them when I was working on them). As long as he doesn't see my dress I'm happy.

ck9586

I heard that veils started back when B&G didn't see each other before the wedding, and this way if he didn't like her he couldn't back out. Seriously, that's what I read somewhere. And NO not in a joke book

Simply Fated

Both are correct... I mean about the history of veils.It depends on the culture, though. The veil's use has changed through out history, too... which adds to the confusion as to it's original purpose.Some people do not like what the veil has come to mean... especially with the latest stories of women being forced to wear veils. Others enjoy the rich history of the veil.As for what kiane wants to know... it's all a matter of preference. There is no right or wrongs here... just what you would prefer to show him or not to show him. For a lot of women, their fiances have become their best friends so not showing them their outfit is an absurd idea. For other women, it's just a matter of convenience that he should see parts of the outfit or the whole ensemble.

claudiastec

I showed him a picture of the dress online... I just could not resist! Ideally he won't see it until the wedding, because as you say, it will be fun to see the look on his face... Maybe it will be a horrified one? To the bolero jacket girl: As special as our wedding day is going to be for all of us, I encourage you to make every day from today until then, and then after that as special as the wedding day itself. So if you want to wear the bolero jacket then go ahead and enjoy it! Most probably nothing will happen to it if you are extra careful, and if it does, you will find a nice shawl or something even more beautiful to go with it. I was saving some boots and a dress for my honeymoon in APRIL, but I thought, hell, that is 7 months away! I might as well start enjoy them now! Remember, the most important thing about the wedding is the guy, not the dress or boots or any of that! ) To the previous poster, you are right about the veil being used so the husband could not back out if he didn't like what he saw after the fact. Another interesting fact about marriages back in the day: After their first night together they had to hang the sheets outside the house so all the neighbors could see that the wife was indeed a virgin because the sheets were stained. Otherwise it was a sign of dishonor. Of course brides that were not virgins were given special kits with dyes so they could fake it. )

kjane12

Yuck.  I remember hearing about that bed-sheet "tradition".  And I remember thinking, yikes I hope that a non-virgin bride is on her period!I guess the dye kit would work, but what if her husband expected her to be a virgin? She's have to hide it from him too ...