Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

No Name Change

I am not changing my name. I have tried to come up with some way of answering the question of "why not". I don't want to doesn’t seem good enough for people. Also, some people seem to be very offended. I have no problem with other people changing their name, I just am not changing mine. Anyone have a good, inoffensive even bland answer for this. I also get a lot of "what name will your kids take"? I don't even know what the first and middle name will be so I guess not knowing the last will is fine right now. I really have no problem if people call me by the wrong last name, I am not going to go around correcting the grocery guy b/c my husband and I share a discount card. I just need a good bland reason to give people when they ask? Anyone? Help.
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: No Name Change

  • " I like my name. So how is your yoga class/underwater basketweavings/kids/dogs/cats/ doing?"
  • I'm not taking his last name either which isn't a big deal in NYC. When people ask me I tell them I'm keeping it for business purposes. You can just be honest when someone asks and say that you like your last name and you'd like to keep it.
  • I changed my name but I would think "I don't want to" would be a good enough reason.
  • I didn't change my name. I don't have a lot of patience with people that are that rude. My mom and I discussed it, but the only people that have made comments like that have been random people that I don't really know that well. Why didn't you change your name? I didn't want to. That's not a good enough reason. Uh, excuse me? :insert offended look: But what name will your kids have? We'll decide on something if we get there. I'll be sure to consult you for your opinion. It is incredibly offensive for people to act like they have a problem with your decision. Whether or not to change your name is an incredibly personal decision. I guess you could be tactful and say "It was a personal decision. H and I talked about it, and this was the best option for us. Sorry we didn't get your approval first." I prefer to get all indignant and let them realize how insulting they are being.
  • I hyphenated my name with DH's. When people ask why I kept my name in there, I usually just respond with "well, it's my name." It's nobody's business what your name is or why, and it's not your job to have to explain your personal choices to anyone. Normally though, people aren't rude enough to ask questions like this though, so you might be over-thinking things. Especially if you won't be yelling at a random stranger for accidently assuming you're Mrs. Paintme, this issue would hardly ever come up. The only one who questioned me about hyphenating my name was my incredibly rude and meddling MIL!
  • Don't waste time trying to come up with an excuse - people will accept it or they won't. I don't want to change my name but I have a plethora of reasons why I don't want to change it. My degree has my name, I'm finally starting to make a name for myself in my career field, I have a frickin' SWEET last name as it is - it's a natural ambigram AND a palindrome (which means that it can be spelled forward, backward and upside down and it's the same), my middle name is my mom's maiden name so I couldn't keep my last name in place of my middle name, most of my friends have called me by my last name since we met... and on and on and on. I have found that those who are rude enough to push the issue will not think any reason is good enough. I agree with the "um, excuse me? *Insert offended look*" response. Don't feel like you ever have to explain yourself to anyone when it comes to a decision like this.
  • Use the classic Ann Landers response, "Why do you want to know?"But if they are rude enough to keep being pushy you can always use the professional excuse. My cousin kept her name because she became a doctor (eye surgeon) under her maiden name and if she changes her name, she has to be certified all over again.  Unbelievable pain in the a**. Or be rude back with a "it's none of your business." I'm actually not planning on changing my name for at least a year. I'm still considering options and may not do it at all, but I don't mind anyone calling me Mrs. G_____ now either. :)
  • I changed my name when I got married the first time and when I changed it back 4 years later it was a pain in the butt.  I'm not changing my name the second time around and anyone who doesn't like it can go scratch.  I like my name, it reminds me where I came from.  I think my FI wants me to change it and I know my FMIL will not like it if I don't (but then again she already doesn't like me because we've already decided not to give her any grandchildren, and because I'm not Italian).    If we do decide to have children at some point I will change my name (I think it's too complicated if you have children to have a different last name). I like the answer "why do you want to know?"
  • I didn't change my name for my first marriage (17 years) and didn't change it this time either.  When people ask about it, I just say "Well, we're not brother and sister, now are we? So THAT'S why we don't use the same last name!"  It really shuts 'em up. 
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  • LOL! I apologize. I'm not laughing at people at their constant questioning. This is how my conversation went: Random Person, "Why aren't you changing your last name?" Me, "Because I'm a Martinez." RP, "But you're getting married." "Ok [turning to fiance], baby change your last name to mine." "Um.... no?" "Why?" "Uhhhh... because I want to keep my name." Me, "Well, we're in agreement." The End. Simple as that. Our son has his last name, for traditions' sake & I go by Mrs. C, because it makes me happy, but I'm still me. ;-) Good Luck dollface!
  • Others are right. If people are rude enough to question it, they won't accept any answer. I think I'd probably just say, "Well... it's my name." Because it's true, and that's the short answer as to why I'm keeping it. It's the name my parents gave me at birth, my first, middle and last names go very well together, it's very unusual, it's very, very Scottish, and after 27 years, I'm quite used to it, thankyouverymuch. A lot of my identity IS wrapped up in my name. However, that's a lot of really personal information to tell a casual "asker," probably only to have them break it all down and tell me why each and every one of those reasons aren't good enough. You could also try the "I have my reasons" and change the subject or the classic advice column "Why do you want to know?" and leave it at that. I'm also a vegetarian and I get the same thing about my diet. I find that the people who grill me about it (no pun intended) tend to be sort of insecure or think that simply by having a certain dietary life style I'm judging their non-vegetarian lifestyle. That's called projecting! I don't care if other people eat meat and I don't care if other people change their last names. Neither is for me! The end.Oh and you should tell them, "Who said we're having kids?" They'll probably pop a blood vessel!
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  • My excuse for not wanting to change my name is that my Bachelor's Degree says my name, along with my high school diploma (not nearly as big a deal I know, but still a reason). All my credit cards have my name, bank accounts, social security, birth certificate...I'm sure there's a million more. But it just seems like a big hassle to change it. I wouldn't care if people called my by hubby's last name, but just legally it would stay the same. For anyone that has a problem with it, tell them it's a personal decision and if they have a problem with it then it's their problem.
  • A simple "I chose not to" should suffice in my opinion!I never thought I would change my name. I have had my name for 30 years, and have a professional career built with it (as well many women in my career field do not change their name). All my identity of course is also in my name. Interesting note is that my name actually as both of my parents names, as my mothers maiden name was added as a middle name after my parents divorced.My FI also absolutely left it up to me.However, as soon as we were engaged, I knew I wanted to change my name to his - I am even going as far to legally change it though where I live I do not have to do so in order to legally use it. It does not have the same "ring" to it, but I immediately felt it was important to me in creating our new family together. And, despite his leaving it up to me, he was also over the moon about it and has told me he feels incredibly close to me in a way he did not think he would because of that decision. Despite the incredible hassle it is going to pose, I am absolutely comfortable with my choice. And when people ask me WHY I did change it, I am simply going to say it is because I chose to do so!
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