Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception

FutureMrsMDJahnke

My groom and I are having a discussion about this. I think it is rude to invite people only to the reception, he thinks that since it is "quite common" the rest of society does not think it is rude. I think it would be a slap in the face to get an invite to only the reception. Does anyone agree with me? Am I really the only person who thinks this is rude?!

mbuckley85

I think if your ceremony location cannot accommodate as many as you would like at your reception it should be fine...otherwise, why would you not invite everyone?

tldh

You can send out reception only invitations only if you are having a private and small ceremony.  By small, I mean immediate family only.  No aunts/uncles/cousins/BFFs/friends/acquaintances.

Avion22

Yeah, I think inviting people to the ceremony only pretty much tells them that they're not important enough to you for them to actually witness you getting married, but that you still want them to buy you a gift.   The ONLY exception to this is if you have a private ceremony, and want to celebrate with friends afterward.   Otherwise, everyone should be invited to all portions of the day.    

pattib5

I don't think it's rude at all to invite people to the reception only. It'd be rude if it were the other way around, if you wanted to invite people only to the ceremony and not the reception. People understand if you want to have a small, intimate ceremony.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_inviting-less-people-to-the-ceremony-than-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:122a0c35-d2af-423c-bb7b-27c272ec8b02Post:e3dc2cf6-f3a1-4638-b767-176841aa4966">Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's rude at all to invite people to the reception only. It'd be rude if it were the other way around, if you wanted to invite people only to the ceremony and not the reception. People understand if you want to have a small, intimate ceremony.
Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is okay if it's a private ceremony (immediate family only).  But it's not okay if you invite 100 people to your ceremony, but 150 to the reception.  It would suck to find out that the bride and groom care about 100 other people more than they care about you (but hey, they still want a gift).   </div>

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_inviting-less-people-to-the-ceremony-than-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:122a0c35-d2af-423c-bb7b-27c272ec8b02Post:86f5bc90-aec3-4d88-a2f8-2b7e750f64c4">Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My groom and I are having a discussion about this. I think it is rude to invite people only to the reception, he thinks that since it is "quite common" the rest of society does not think it is rude. I think it would be a slap in the face to get an invite to only the reception. Does anyone agree with me? Am I really the only person who thinks this is rude?!
Posted by FutureMrsMDJahnke[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is rude and your FI is incorrect.  If you are invited to the wedding, you are invited to the reception.  Period.

pattib5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_inviting-less-people-to-the-ceremony-than-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:122a0c35-d2af-423c-bb7b-27c272ec8b02Post:ea9d2f33-7f04-4c59-a29c-70407f37f1e9">Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception : This is okay if it's a private ceremony (immediate family only).  But it's not okay if you invite 100 people to your ceremony, but 150 to the reception.  It would suck to find out that the bride and groom care about 100 other people more than they care about you (but hey, they still want a gift).   
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
I disagree. If a ceremony venue only holds a certain amount of people, but you want to have a bigger reception, what's the big deal? Your co-worker and MIL's bridge partner don't need to rank up there with aunts and uncles. Having a larger reception isn't a gift grab. It's a gift grab if you only invite them to the ceremony.

ngkr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_inviting-less-people-to-the-ceremony-than-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:122a0c35-d2af-423c-bb7b-27c272ec8b02Post:ddaae5b2-5f31-4638-b6ee-b19750ec8944">Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception : I disagree. If a ceremony venue only holds a certain amount of people, but you want to have a bigger reception, what's the big deal? <strong>Your co-worker and MIL's bridge partner don't need to rank up there with aunts and uncles.</strong> Having a larger reception isn't a gift grab. It's a gift grab if you only invite them to the ceremony.
Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]

That's exactly the problem. Inviting some people to parts of the wedding but not others sends exactly this message: Some guests are 'better' than others. IMO - and for the vast majority of others who've spoken up - that's a rude thing to do.

TiffannieF

If the ceremony place does not hold as much as the reception you either need to a) find another ceremony site or b) invite the same amount.

OP, you are correct and your FI is incorrect.  I've never seen this before so I don't know why he thinks its 'quite common'.  I didn't know people did this until I came onto TK and people said they were thinking about it.  Plus the reception is the most expensive part...why does it matter to him?

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_inviting-less-people-to-the-ceremony-than-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:122a0c35-d2af-423c-bb7b-27c272ec8b02Post:ddaae5b2-5f31-4638-b6ee-b19750ec8944">Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting less people to the ceremony than the reception : I disagree. If a ceremony venue only holds a certain amount of people, but you want to have a bigger reception, what's the big deal? Your co-worker and MIL's bridge partner don't need to rank up there with aunts and uncles. Having a larger reception isn't a gift grab. It's a gift grab if you only invite them to the ceremony.
Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]

Then you find another venue.

colourz

insulting!

toothpastechica

I wonder where this is that its quite common...not around these parts. I've seen it the other way around at christian weddings (in thier home church) where the congragation is invited to the ceremony, but not the reception. But never every have I heard of a real wedding (aka not on a internet question board), that your only invited to the party. I wouldnt go and would be insulted if I was on that not so important list.

Ella502

I think with weddings these days, people understand that a lot of couples are on a budget. And generally, its the reception that racks up the cost (the meal) so I don't think its rude to invite some people to the ceremony only. It still shows them that they are important to you and you want them to witness your vows to each other (which is the important part of the wedding anyway). That's just my opinion though!

ArmyChick23

I am inviting more people to my reception then my Ceremony, mainly because my church only holds 150. However; I don't think it is rude necessarily. I just typed a note and put it on the front of the reception only invite stating that we didn't have enough room, but we would love to have you at the reception to celebrate with us. I think most people would understand. I don't think you should have to change your venue, because of the number of people you are inviting. If you really want to get married there, then just do what I am doing. I really want to get married at this church, but unfortunately all of my friends can't cram in there, but it is YOUR wedding day, not theres and they should respect whatever decision you make. I don't think people are as pety as some of you think.... a wedding is not about the gift your receive from the person attending, it is about them actually coming to celebrate your marriage. Honestly if people come to my reception and don't bring a gift - I wouldn't care. I would just be glad they came to celebrate and be there with us! People aren't as negative minded as some of you think....

random4180

I think an exception should be made in the case of church weddings. We're getting married in a Catholic church- Catholics cannot get married outside of the church building; it is a sacrament that must take place in the church building. I find it incredibly insensitive and misguided to suggest that the church is simply a building and the couple should "shop around." I'm not a religious zealot and my FI isn't even Catholic but a little cultural awareness never hurt anyone. 

Sure, if you're getting married in a hotel ballroom and have space for 300 guests and everyone can come to everything, awesome. But to say it'd ONLY be okay if it was immediate family, no exceptions, etc., etc- well, then- does that mean we couldn't have a wedding party if we were in that scenario? Would we not invite the flower girl's mom and the MOH's husband? Can you NOT invite the two others in the tightknit group of six high school buddies of FI's who aren't groomsmen? One person's idea of small and intimate isn't necessarily the same as another's. It's like when people say they've got a "small budget;" It's relative. I have eight siblings, four nieces, a nephew, a best friend I've known for 30+ years whose firstborn is my godson...what is my "close, intimate family" requires furniture moving in a restaurant when we go out for dinner. It's a silly distinction to me, and a slippery slope. 

For the record, we're not going this route but that's also because we're not expecting much more than 100 guests. We're getting married in a small village church across the street from the reception venue. I just wanted to put my two cents in. My ceremony site isn't debatable and I doubt I'm the only bride for whom that's true.

evanquil

I think that anyone invited to the reception should be invited to the ceremony.  The wedding ceremony is the whole point of the day anyways!  I think a lot of people forget that!  The whole reason that you are throwing a big party is because you got married!  I personally would find it rude if I got an invitation to just a wedding reception and not the ceremony.

Ashes_3

A church is a public building, it is normal for members of the church to go to the wedding. At most churchs it is announced. The members of the church know they are not invited to the reception since it is not public. If you invite someone to the wedding, they are to be invited to the reception. The reception is a thank you to your guest's who came to witness your vows. The other exception to this is the small immediate family only wedding and then the larger reception.
And it is not Your day. Once you invite other people you are the host and they are the guest's and you need to host them correctly.