Awkward Situation- Long! (sorry)

mk_2006

I know the Dollar Dance subject has been brought up a lot on the boards, but I am in what I feel is an awkward position in relation to this.

A little background information: Dollar dances are fairly common in my area, but it is something I am totally uncomfortable doing (for several different reasons).

My bridal shower was last weekend and my fiance's grandmother gave me a small cloth bag with a very nice handwritten card which read:

"This is your own dance bag. I bought it in Ireland in 2004, trusting that someday I'd give it to my grandson's Bride. The dance bag is a tradition in Ireland. The Bride wears it around her waist at the reception dance. Those who wish to dance with the bride must first put money in her bag. Keep the bag, holding its meaning close to your heart...and enjoy the 'dance of life' with <FI />. "

I need advice!! I am REALLY uncomfortable with the whole money dance thing, but I don't want to hurt his grandmother's feelings and start off on the wrong foot with the family. I know her she has good intentions but I am just sooooo uncomfortable with the whole scenario.

Should I just suck it up and do it?(suggestions on how to "class it up a little" are welcome!) Stand my ground and not do it? Advice please!!

bbyckes

Wow, that is a tough situation.  I think I would just have to suck it up and essentially take one for the team.  It would be beyond awkward to explain to his grandma that you're uncomfortable with the dollar dance tradition and don't plan on doing it. 

Good luck with this!

On_Cloud_Nine

What about instead of money, guests can write out a message or advice on marriage, and place that into the bag instead of money?

That way you can still use the bag to make grandma happy, but you aren't asking your guests for money.

khornack

I like On_Cloud_Nine's response, a message or 'payment' with words of wisdom would be fun. Get your attendants to pass out some paper (cardstock would work well) and pens to each table as the DJ explains. I think that's cute. And, I might add, I am firmly in the 'no dollar dance' camp. If someone REALLY wanted to put money in there it's their own choice.  I may actually steal that idea.

nda_roxybabe

Someone suggested the message idea last week. I think its a great alternative. No need to do money.

Nukke

I definitely like the message thing, and I'm doing somethign similar in lieu of an old Finnish tradition of "gift collecting" that would nowadays be horribly taboo.  I'm walking around to all the guests in their rooms collecting cards with advice and such written on them, instead of money and presents. 

For you, put little cards around the tables--call them "dance cards" even!  It could be really cute.

danieliza1127

I would just go ahead and do the dollar dance.  It's common in your area, so your guests won't be shocked or anything, and it's obviously meaningful to your FI's family.

aerinpegadrak

I'm a big fan of the wishes alternative, that's what I was planning on doing before we cut dancing altogether.  The nice thing about it is that people can still slip cash into your bag if they so choose, but there's no pressure to do so and people who don't want to pay up can still participate.  I think it's the perfect compromise.

MISSCOURTNEY20

I love the wishes idea and also the Hershey kisses idea. Try those. Talk to your FI about it and see what he says.

vgmartinez

I would say just do it so not to hurt grandma's feelings. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of taking money from them, maybe you can donate it to an organization.

Nukke

FYI, I think I found an example of this Irish dance bag.  It's called a "bride's pocket".

VERY pretty.  You could totally keep this little traditional alive by collecting chocolate dollars or advice cards. 

http://www.paris1900.com/Vintage-images_A4.html