How to handle religious groom/not religious bride ceremony...

mjputler

  I am looking for some direction or advice from ladies out there who may have similar situations to mine.  My fiance is Jewish (although not very devout, but still keeps up with some traditions), and I was raised Methodist, but I am not really religious at all anymore.  I work in the court system and would really like the judge I work for to officiate our ceremony along with perhaps a rabbi.  Has anyone tried ceremonies like this?  How did you work out including the important traditions?  Thanks for the input!

zitiqueen

You might also want to post this on the Christian and Jewish boards as well.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings

trix1223

I think that the two of you need to talk about it.  Marriage is all about compromise, and finding out what is less important to you and more important to him, and then more important to you and less important to him. 

It's also very important that you talk about the issue of religion in your marriage and family.  If you intend to have children:  will they be raised going to church or temple?   How will you handle holidays?  What about when the time comes for a bris or a baptism?

These are questions that seem smaller now but become enormous later.

GL

Calypso1977

i agree wtih trix.

often times, folks who have lapsed in their practice of their faith often come back to their roots once children are born.  you may find you really want your child baptised methodist and raised christian, and your FI might want a jewish upbringing for your child.  you would do yourself a great favor to discuss tehse issues now - the differences stem way beyond your marriage ceremony.

Lisa50

Ahhh ... the art of compromise.  My FI and I were both raised Catholic.  He is lapsed.  I am practising.  For multiple reasons, we will not marry in the Catholic church (joint decision). 

However, b/c he knows how important it is for me to have demonstrations/expressions of Christian faith in our wedding ceremony, he suggested that my cousin (a Protestant minister) officiate.  It was such an unexpected, wonderful, romantic surprise on his part -- reason #682 that I love that man (I was prepared to have some random JOP perform the ceremony!).

I completely agree with PPs recommendations -- start talking about religion and its role in your relationship now.  FI and I have been discussing it for over 4 years ...

mjputler

  Our differences in religious views are something that we have most certainly talked about and we have also talked about how we want to raise our children and how our backgrounds will shape the way we raise them.  I absolutely know that these are huge decisions and require discussion, and we have discussed them; that is not at all a problem for us.  My question was simply wedding ceremony specific; how other brides have incorporated various traditions in ceremonies when one partner is more religious than the other.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_handle-religious-groomnot-religious-bride-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:1e380f86-de0c-41e0-aba6-86b0e30b47afPost:456ef3cd-0b1d-4894-bde6-a1f8a9d30c3c">Re: How to handle religious groom/not religious bride ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]well, i guess i would approach the wedding in the same way youd approach kids. so if you plan to raise your kids jewish and do some of the traditional jewish elements like a bris, then id probably lean towards having a rabbi do your ceremony or at least co-officiate with the judge.    if you plan to raise your kids christian, then id probably use the judge and then have some readings from the bible and maybe incorporate some jewish customs like smashing the glass. without really knowing the role you want your faiths to play in your married life, its tough to guide you on your ceremony.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I'll also add that if you already knew what role faith will play in your family's life (and which faith), this wouldn't be too difficult.  I'm Catholic and DH and I decided to raise our kids in the Orthodox church so the Greek traditions took precedence at our wedding.