Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

would this be okay?

I really want to be married later in the day, like after dinner, and have a coffee and dessert reception. I know that typically a wedding that late would be considered black tie formal but I know that my guests most likely will not have an evening gown or tux in their closets. Many of our guest, well actually basically all of our guests, will have to travel to get to our wedding and that is an added expense for them just to attend. Due to the economy and all of that I don't want to add expense of attire  to my guests if it isn't necessary. I also do not want the reception to be overly formal, I want it to be inviting and fun. Anyway, I would like for people to dress semi-formal instead of black tie. I don't think this is an issue as far as etiquette is concerned but I was wondering what others thought about this. thanks :)

Re: would this be okay?

  • Some religions restrict the times of day when wedding ceremonies can take place. So, literally, the answer to "It is possible to get married after dinner?" might be "No."

    Apart from those considerations, there are ways of carrying out your plans and signaling to your guests the vibe/formality you want. Have fun invitations with some color. Select a venue that doesn't suggest "formal."

    NB1: If your guests are coming from a distance, do you really want to just serve them coffee and dessert, and only be with them for however long they can stay awake after their travels? Will you have other (optional!) activities for out-of-town guests?

    NB2: theknot/etiquette will say ABSOLUTELY NEVER PUT A DRESSCODE ON AN INVITATION (unless DEMANDED by the venue). The men I talk to say they can't tell "fun" and "semi-formal" from anything subtle on the invitation, like the style, color, or venue. I tend to agree with the men's complaints, and think theknot/etiquette, need to change the rules, but I'm not going to be the one to do it, or even suggest it.
  • Having your wedding later in the day is fine, if your venue allows for it.

    But I agree with PP about serving only coffee and dessert. If I traveled a long way for a wedding, I think I'd be expecting a dinner. Maybe just add some appetizer type things if you really don't want any meals? I think your guests would appreciate it.
  • My friends had a late evening dessert & cocktail reception and it was awesome! They did include some savoury options as well like some passed hors d'eouvres and a cheese tray & fruit, etc.

    I wouldn't worry for a second about the formality thing. There is absolutely no reason why you MUST have a formal affair. It can be any level of formality you want. Cocktail dress is perfectly great. I'm sure your guests will appreciate it not being so stuffy! Enjoy!
  • Honestly, I think it's fine.  The time of day is only a small part of a black tie wedding, so you can relax about that part.  It's perfectly fine to just be a wedding  of whatever formality at that time.

    We tell girls all the time around here that if they can't afford (or don't want) to host a meal at their wedding, to have their ceremony/reception at a non-meal time.  2pm or 8:30/9pm fits the bill. 

    I'd start your ceremony around 8:30pm and go with your reception.  Open bar + some non-sweet finger foods would also be nice.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A late wedding is fine. But do appetizers and or open bar. The thing is people won't stay long for coffee and cake. I would think that type of reception would last an hour or so. If people are out if town, they are spending at least 300 bucks for travel and hotel. And are spending a day to travel to your wedding. So I would probably decline a coffee and cake wedding if I had to travel for it.

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  • After dinner you are really more into the cocktail rather than coffee area... Plus if all your guests hve to travel don't they at least get a little dinner?  

    I think an afternoon os more appropriate for a punch or cooffee and dessert wedding... then out of towners will at least have the option to gather together for dinner afterwards at their own expense if they want to visit more. 

    Frankly.. it seems a bit off... 

  • We're planning an after-dinner ceremony but we definitely won't be black tie.  Our guests will also be travelling for our wedding.  We are doing appetizers, dessert, with wine, beer, and his & her signature cocktails (plus tea, water, and pop).

    Dress codes are a touchy subject, since it's considered rude to require your guests to wear something.  It may alienate some people who prefer not to or can't afford to dress to your specifications leaving them feeling uncomfortable or choosing not to attend at all.
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  • Black tie means white glove meal service, open bar, top self liquor, top notch everything, and yes is usually in the evening, but like PPs said what you are wanting is this, it seems. You just about spare no expense with black tie affairs, and it is ok to put black tie on the invitation as a hint to your guests it is very formal. 

    Since most of your guests are traveling, I would try to offer a little more, or consider moving your reception to the afternoon. Etiquette wise you are completely fine as is, but like PPs said, several people may decline due to distance and you'd just have to accept that if this is what you want.  
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  • I know someone who had a sundae bar for their reception.  My sister had a taco bar for her reception.  I think it is totally up to your style. 
  • I think earlier in the day would be better, personally.  Also, if a lot of your guests are traveling, I'd be worried about not providing a full dinner (as PPs have suggested), especially if you have a wedding in the evening.  

    Funny you mention this, because my MOH traveled to an OOT wedding (hotel stay involved, etc.) a couple of weeks ago - I got an e-mail about it after she got back.  Apparently all they had at the reception were light snacks, and a lot of guests were livid because there was no mention anywhere that there wouldn't be any dinner served at a dinner time reception (and subsequently they did not eat anything beforehand) and that they felt after traveling, paying for a hotel, etc. that they weren't even worth being served dinner.

    I think the formality wouldn't be an issue with an event this late, but even if you had a later event (8pm or so) there would still be a lot of people who would probably assume that they were going to be served dinner.  I'd make sure that you let the guests know ahead of time that they will not be served dinner to avoid a lot of cranky/hungry people!
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