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Customs and Traditions

Quick Question

Fi and I have widdled down the reception traditions we are choosing to incororate, we are leaving out the bouquet/garter toss and are simply keeping the father/daughter - mother/son dance. My dad requested to dance a waltz with me (I was trained in ballroom, my whole family took lessons and the waltz is the only dance my dad actually likes) Of course I whole heartedly agreed, he also asked if it would be okay to dance to the song "Edelweiss (sp?)" He said he has been listening to the song in his car and he just thinks its a really beautiful song and he would like us to dance to that, aside from it just being a beautiful waltz their is no actual sentimental meaning. I'm fine with this, I didn't have any paarticular song in mind anyway so if anything it made my job easier....

 Since my dad chose our father/daughter dance song and FI had to be cornered while taking a bath to even choose our first dance song, I asked FMIL if she would choose the mother/son song. She has narrowed it down to a few choices one I'm not really thrilled about.... she is heavily leaning towards "The Prayer" by Andrea Bocelli. I dont like this choice for one reason, my maternal grandmother passed away years ago and it's a loss that has severely rocked my whole family, my grandmother was a huge part of my life and not having her at my wedding is already difficult enough. My grandmother passed soon before my sweet 16 and I used this song as her candle...I know I'm making myself feel old right now. Everytime I hear this song I immediatley relate it to my grandmother and to hear it in any other context seems just weird and kind of wrong. 

Two questions: is it okay to ask FMIL not to choose this song and secondly should my FI really be choosing the mother/son song or is it okay for his mom to choose?
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Re: Quick Question

  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    You asked FMIL to choose a song and now, b/c you don't like the song she's chosen, you want to go pull her choice?  If your FI is OK with his mother's choice, you should be.  Let the rest go ... you can't unring that bell.

  • Since you asked her to pick the song and didn't put any caveats into that request, I think you need to honor what she chooses. 

    You did say that this is one song she is leaning toward out of several.  If you and FI know some of the other possibilities, and you truly feel that hearing this song would be depressing to you, you might ask FI to say something to his mom about about one of the others on her list ("Mom, I was thinking about our mother-son dance and remembered you're considering X Song.  I think that would be a good choice/fit for us.  I really like that one.") 

    If you don't know what else she is thinking about though, perhaps you could consider playing a different version of the song so that it sounds somewhat different (see the versions by Donnie McClurkin/Yolanda Adams and Josh Groban/Charlotte Church).

  • If she's got other options, maybe she'll choose one of them? Ask FI for his input, he can help her choose since he's also going to have to dance to it. If he knows the song reminds you of a sad time, maybe he'll urge her to pick a different song. Like PP said though, you walked right into this one.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    I seriously disagree with those who told you to suck it up.

    I'd tell her the song brings up some sad memories for you and ask if she wouldn't mind choosing something else. She'd have to be pretty callous to go through with it.

    They played The Long and Winding Road by the Beatles at my father's funeral and if that song were played at my wedding I would lose my shitt.

    edit: And also, it's fine for her to choose it if FI doesn't have a strong preference either way.
  • Not gonna lie. That is an odd choice to begin with for a mother-son dance. It's awkward to listen to and awkward to dance to and it's over 4 minutes long. As a former dance teacher, if someone came to me with that song, I would tell them to go back to the drawing board, your sentiments about it aside.

    If you add in your issues about the song, I think you are completely within your rights to ask them to select another. Just explain yourself clearly and ask. Don't tell. I'm sure she is reasonable.

  • You could view it as your way of including the memory of your grandmother in your wedding.  But ultimately if it brings sad memories you should just state that.  
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