Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Pagan Handfasting

First of all, hello to all of those that have even taken the time to open this post!

I am kinda seeing how many others are out there that are Pagan and if there are any of you that are doing a Handfasting.  I know that Handfastings are becoming a little more "popular", well I could give a toot about that.  But there are some things I would like to bounce off others.  Such as, This will be the first time many of my very religious family members will know of my Path.  TA-DA!  I could care less if they don't like it, I just don't want to be in your face, pushy or well I don't want to be rude about it but I do want to stay true to FI and I 's beliefs and paths.  I want to show some that we aren't going to eat a baby and sacrifice the first virgin that we see after the ceremony.  Has anyone else had this issue?  What did/are you do/doing differently due to the fact?

Thanks,
Jackie

Out with the Old and in with the New!! Time to make history!

Re: Pagan Handfasting

  • I'm not pagan, but I've been to a pagan handfasting, and mostly the only thing they did differently (as far as explaining anything about the ceremony in advance) was to specify "handfasting" on the invitation.  I assume that was so that anyone who was going to be offended by that could just...not come.  But the couple in question has a very "take me as I am or leave me" attitude towards life generally.  I think how you deal with this depends on whether you feel like you need to make concessions, or if you're more of a "This is who I am; deal with it" kind of person.  :)

  • Thank you all for the responses.

    CMGr- Huh!  I guess I had heard of non-religeous couples using hand fasting outside of a relgious perspective.  But I have never heard of Christians using it and I am happily surprised.  Maybe you're right and they won't be too shocked or perterbed by the idea of it.  Note to self: Accepted or not this is who we are and how we want to celebrate our day.  Thank you for the clearing of the small doubts in my mind.

    HannahK15- First of all, you have a beautiful German Shep(had to add that in).  Everyone has heard the expression of "Tying the knot".  The term is keyed from Handfasting which is the Pagan celebration of the union of two people(no matter the sex of either).  Handfasting traditionally is a one year and one day holding of a relationship and at that point the couple either decide to split or stay and make it a union of this life and of lives to come.  This has changed quite a bit, but is used still at this deffinition.  FI and I are skipping the one year and one day and just getting straight to the point of this life and lives to come, due to our understanding that this isn't the first life we have made this decission before(call us crazy if you'd like lol).  But the major factor of the celebration is the actual tying of the hands of the bride and groom together with a blessed rope/skarf/fabric of your choice.  And usually a Priestess is the one to do the cerimony.  Just a little tib bit, even within Paganism it's self, Handfastings differ.  I doubt there have ever been two handfastings ever the same.  "Ask ten Pagans their beliefs, you'll get 20 different answers".  But yeah the short answer to Handfasting.  You can find a lot more information by searching it easily on Google.  Hope that cleared it up a bit for ya.

    Jackie
    Out with the Old and in with the New!! Time to make history!
  • Thank you for clearing that up for me. Quite different from my beliefs but very interesting nonetheless. And thank you...she is the second love of my life (after my FI that is)

    Wish I had some suggestions for you but I don't.
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  • edited January 2012
    No problem, I like to let people that have only really heard bad things about Pagans know that we really aren't baby eaters. Hahaha. 
    And I can understand that your baby is your second love.  I am a Vet Tech and my Samoyed is my furry hubby.  I think I've decided he'll be the one to walk me down the isle considering both my parents are gone now.

    Thanks for the help!
    Jackie
    Out with the Old and in with the New!! Time to make history!
  • My fiance and I did a handfasting. I have astrong belief in the Christian God, but my fiance and I live together. We did an informal handfasting to keep things square with the folks, especially my grandmother. We've extended the term of our handfasting to the day of the wedding (approximately 2 years). The Scottish claim this tradition as theirs and I'm all Scottish except for one partially Irish great granny, so we figured we would partake.
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  • I am not Pagan, like many who commented. (just fyi)

    I would suggest that you let your family know of your religion before the handfasting. Especially devout Christians might have a tendancy to be vocal during your ceremony when they find out it is not a Christian ceremony. You don't want to have anything ugly happen on your wedding day. You might also think about sending a simple piece of paper with your invitations explaining the handfasting ceremony - what it's all about.

    I don't think most people are still under the impression that Wiccans and other Pagans are Satanists who want to sacrifice babies or any of the numerous other attrocities they've been accused of in the past. Wicca is a beautiful religion, and this is one Christian who has a tremendous respect for your faith. (I note that you didn't specify your exact religious path, I am not trying to make assumption, just can't say I love all Pagan paths as I am not familiar with all of them)

    That all being said, I can't vouch for all Christians and their ability to be understanding and accepting. For your own sake, tell the family gossip what's what before hand, so that anyone who might make a scene will steer clear of the handfasting all together. Best of luck!
  • Genius!!  I don't know why I didn't think about that in the first place!  Thank you!  And thank you for the respect.

    Blessings
    Out with the Old and in with the New!! Time to make history!
  • edited February 2012
    Blessings back to you. Glad I could help.

    * Also, i did not mean to imply that I am under the impression that Satanists eat babies, just worded that poorly. I am under no such impression.
  • Blessed Be!

    I will also be doing a handfasting ceremony.
     I think my family has just kind of smiled, and nodded their heads over the years when I've talked about such things, so this is really going to be a big "Ohhhh. Well. How about that." moment for my family and I too.

    Personally, I find the ceremony beautiful. The only varaition we're going to have is that we didn't wait a year and a day.

    We included it in the programs, and in the back of said programs we have a little "Ceremony-How-To" for all the different traditions we're doing. And we just kindly explained how its a tradition that dates back to early civilation ages.

    And thats where we're leaving it. No sense causing a huge uproar from my super straight laced conservative family. Those that are open minded, already know all the details, and those that aren't (who already think I'm in left field without my mitt....) are just going to say "Thats Kayla. Always different." And I'd rather have that than someone yelling "WITCH!" at an inappropriate time.

    =]

    Hope this helps!
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  • i am grateful that i won't be able to see the conservatives in my family silently shaking their heads when the aha moment arrives lol
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pagan-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:275ae54b-bdec-4ba3-b8b1-168755b9ab59Post:52b015d6-4cf0-4b0a-9a6e-e891fd6581e6">Pagan Handfasting</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, hello to all of those that have even taken the time to open this post! I am kinda seeing how many others are out there that are Pagan and if there are any of you that are doing a Handfasting.  I know that Handfastings are becoming a little more "popular", well I could give a toot about that.  But there are some things I would like to bounce off others.  Such as, This will be the first time many of my very religious family members will know of my Path.  TA-DA!  I could care less if they don't like it, I just don't want to be in your face, pushy or well I don't want to be rude about it but I do want to stay true to FI and I 's beliefs and paths.  I want to show some that we aren't going to eat a baby and sacrifice the first virgin that we see after the ceremony.  Has anyone else had this issue?  What did/are you do/doing differently due to the fact? Thanks, Jackie
    Posted by JackieMcClure[/QUOTE]




    I am also Pagan/Wiccan. I also have come out to my family 10 years ago. My ex fiance was not so thrilled about it. But I have a new one and he his really open about it. I am from California. So if you want to chat. Let me know. I love meeting new people, but am a bit shy at first. So hope to hear from youl. talk to you soon. :) Oh and p.s. You posted this on my Birthday. So I believe that we are destoned to be friends. :)
    Jaclyn
  • Hi. Just fyi as so many other people mentioned it, I'm not a pagan and neither is the other half.  That said, we both have Scottish heritage so incorporated handfasting into our wedding two years ago.  Pretty much the entire family on both sides had no idea what it was, but when I talked about the secret moonlit wedding ceremony in Braveheart, where he gives her clan tartan and she passes him a piece of embroidered cloth, being based on handfasting, suddenly everything was more mainstream for them :-)  And more recently, the royal wedding of William and Kate included handfasting too, so its really not that scary an option, and definitely no baby-eating involved :-)
  • BB! We are planning a full handfasting and I'm putting explantions of  ceremony including the  casting of the circle, invoction of gods, and binding of hands in the ceremony program and the website.  I lucked out to have a  predomnately Christian family that has decied to support me no matter what my path is and the few Pagans I have in the family are all for it. I will however be the first one in the family that far out of the brrom closet. (I will be wearing a green and gold dress on Mabon next year and the huz {yes we're already legally married we're just doing the handfasting since we were married double proxy and weren't even there for the ceremony} will be wearing a green suit.) We're even leaving offerings out (mostly of seed) and putting green man masks on the surrounding trunks of trees in the grove.   

      
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