Having a wedding even though you are already married

APRIL21302

Is it wrong to have a wedding even though I am already married? I got married 8 yrs ago and it was in a courthouse. No one was there and we wore everyday clothes.  I have always wanted to have the whole wedding thing, dress, invites, reception, and etc. so I thought that our 10 yr wedding anniversary would be a good time to do it.  Am I wrong for doing this?

SEWF

I think it's fine, but it would technically be a vow renewal. Just make sure you put that on the invites and have the huge party you've always wanted.

Belle2Be

Sounds like a fab time for a Vow Renewal!

LesPaul

You already had a wedding - the ceremony at the courthouse at which you became married.  You can't have another wedding without getting divorced, but a vow renewal is fine (especially at a milestone anniversary like 10, 25, etc).  Skip the showers and b-party, and plan a nice ceremony (if you want one) and reception/party.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_having-wedding-even-though-already-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:27685d11-d322-4786-b49c-37d450e76f04Post:bad9e774-73b6-4441-be0c-4dade7fc1c88">Re: Having a wedding even though you are already married</a>:
[QUOTE]Yep, it's a vow renewal.  And no, it's not "wrong", though you should probably avoid a gift registry and pre-wedding events like showers and b-parties.  That's when vow renewals get into the side-eye "what is she THINKING" area.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This. Have a vow renewal. You only seem strange when you have showers, have a first dance, act like it is a wedding. As long as you celebrate your marriage it is fine. You look strange when you act like you aren't married already.

MyNameIsNot

Yes, it would be wrong to have a wedding if you are already married.  A wedding is, by definition, the actual ceremony where two people get married.  Unless you get divorced between now and then, it is impossible for you to have a wedding.

A 10 year anniversary is a nice time to throw a big anniversary party, and to include a vow renewal.  Just remember that a vow renewal is not a wedding, so don't try to make it into one.  A vow renewal is special for what it is.  It doesn't involve showers, bridesmaids or first dances.

trix1223

Wait two years and have a fabulous 10th anniversary party.  If you feel compelled to renew your vows,  do that before the party. 

Just skip the WP, big white dress, first dances (you can't really have a "first" dance when you'll have been married for 10 years), showers, etc. that go with a wedding ceremony, because you won't be having a wedding.

You made the decision 8 years ago to have the wedding you did.  It doesn't really matter why you made the decision, but part of being a grown-up is living with the consequences of your decisions.  You can't have a wedding when you're already married.  That's the consequence of the wedding you had.

lalap69

I'm with PP.  You can't have a wedding, but 10 years is a great time to have a vow renewal.  I'd just skip some of the traditions - like a wedding party and garter/bouquet toss, etc.

girlpoet10

I'm with Linz, why not?? Go for it! If you're with people who love you and understand you, it won't matter. Either they get it or they can stay home. Yeah, some people might think it's a little odd but this sort of thing is about YOU. I don't know why you got married at the courthouse but lots of people do that bc of a lack of money...I don't see anything wrong with celebrating when you can afford it. Make it about you, your hubby and your kids if you have them and do what makes you happy. :-) I'm sure it'll be beautiful.

heyimbren

Trix didn't say anything about not having a spotlight dance- she said you can't really have a "first dance" when you've already been married for 8 years. And she's right.

The PP gave some really good suggestions! a 10th anniversary celebration is a wonderful idea, but do just think of it as what it is and not a "wedding" because it isn't a wedding. But you can still definitely have a big, fun celebration.

clearheavens

I'm with people.  The biggest no-no's would be to have pre-wedding parties and a registry.