Sweetheart table vs. Head Table

Traceyd14

In general what are your feelings on the Sweetheart table vs. Head Table?
I just recently heard about the idea of a sweetheart table.  I have 4 ladies on my side and he has 4 guys  - his side and my side do not know each other.  I was thinking about doing a sweetheart table then 2 tables next to us so the wedding party can sit with their dates/husbands/wives.  I am having two flower girls, one of them is the daughter of a bridesmaid so she would be counted in the table with the wedding party but the other one with her parents, wouldn't fit at this table.  Do you think that would that be offensive to the parents of the 2nd if they are seated at tables in the mix of the other guest tables?  It's my cousin and his wife and I think if I explained it, they would understand but I don't want them to think their daughter is any less special.  But if I do a head table, how does that work for the 2nd flower girl - she's going to be 4 years old, so she would need a parent with her...would one of them sit at the head table with her?

JenO24

FI and I think doing a sweetheart table screams "we're too good to sit amungst our WP or guests," but thats our opinion.  Lots of people do sweatheart tables.  We're doing a head table with our WP.  We're only having 1 flower girl and her parents are the best man and matron of honor.  Her seat is at FI's immediate family table, but we know she'll be up at our head table w/ her parents, which is fine.

I think either both flower girls need to be up front or none of them.  Your cousin might say its "ok" that they sit somewhere else, but doesn't mean they won't feel "outcasted."  Only you truly know your family and how they'll react outwardly, but feelings get hurt over weddings so if you're able to prevent unnecessary drama jump at the chance.

mysticl

I hate the sweetheart table too.  Only my feeling about it is that the B&G couldn't find anyone else to sit with.  And it always seems a little isoated from the rest of the guests.  I plan on having a head table but including the FI of MOH and wife of BM at that the table. 

FG and RB usually do not sit at the head table, they sit with their parents.  The FG who's mom is a bridesmaid could sit with her at the head table or sit with her father at a regular table.  If she is with her father then neither FG is at the head table.  My FGs and RB are all siblings and will be sitting with their parents. 

tldh

a former colleague of mine did a sweetheart table at his wedding.  He was excited about it beforehand but afterwards told me he regretted it because it made him feel like he and his wife were on display having their every movement watched.

Traceyd14

I was thinking since we will be up mingling most of the time it wouldn't be so awkward.  That's very helpful to know someone regretted it. 

trix1223

Both my son and DIL and DD and SIL used sweetheart tables and loved it.  It gave them the ONLY 10 minutes of private time that they had all day long. 

Their WP was incredibly grateful because at each wedding, they were seated with people with whom they were comfortable:  friends and/or family.  (Example:  at both our son's and DD's weddings, our children's siblings sat with their cousins who were guests at the wedding.  They had a ball sitting with their cousins.)

My DD was also uncomfortable about being "on display", so they easily solved the problem by putting their table in a corner.  DH and my table was on their right, and SIL's parents' table was on their left and the room fanned out from there.  That way they had their table, but weren't "front and center".

It would never, ever cross my mind that the bride and groom thought that they were "too good" to sit with their guests if they had a sweetheart table.  I personally love the idea.

In fact, I have seen only one wedding with a traditional head table in the last decade, and that was my nephew's wedding that had so much else wrong with it, that the head table was the least of the disasters that night.

JenO24

Trix - I've never been to a wedding that had a sweetheart table and I've been to plenty of weddings in the last decade

amatadei

We are doing a sweetheart table for a few logistical reasons... Perhaps they will help you, too!

1.  With a larger BP (we have 5 BMs/5 GMs), if gets too large for dates to sit with the BP. We wanted spouses to be able to sit w/ each other, especially, but also all dates in general.

2.  One of our BP is bringing a date we can't stand-- he talks over people, won't shut up, and spouts off about his "knowledge" of all things political like everyone should agree with him. We didn't want to deal with him if we did allow dates to sit with BP at the head table (or if we did family only, since this is FSIL's date).

3.   We wanted a moment to ourselves, as selfish as some people may think that is. It's our wedding and we will be spending the majority of it schmoozing, thanking, be congratulated, etc. Even the carride over to the reception will be shared with our 10-person BP. We wanted a moment when we could, in peace, take in all that we had just done.

4.  We have a large family with whom we are very close, so even if we didn't do BP at the head table and chose a family table instead, we would end up slighting someone about whom we care very much.

My goodness, JenO, are you so cynical about all things?! I hope that thse reasons scream something else to you next time you see a sweetheart table. Geeze!

OP, do what you want. You can always explain to people who "didn't make the cut" or however they would be inclined to look at it, that reasons xyz are why we made the seating arrangement choices we did. But, in the end, make a decision with which you will be happy that day and then stick to it, unapologetically.

JenO24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sweetheart-table-vs-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:28325037-fcb0-4623-9e49-f254bfe0b069Post:9d4e637b-193c-445c-9fd3-6c53f3674180">Re: Sweetheart table vs. Head Table</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing a sweetheart table for a few logistical reasons... Perhaps they will help you, too! 1.  With a larger BP (we have 5 BMs/5 GMs), if gets too large for dates to sit with the BP. We wanted spouses to be able to sit w/ each other, especially, but also all dates in general. 2.  One of our BP is bringing a date we can't stand-- he talks over people, won't shut up, and spouts off about his "knowledge" of all things political like everyone should agree with him. We didn't want to deal with him if we did allow dates to sit with BP at the head table (or if we did family only, since this is FSIL's date). 3.   We wanted a moment to ourselves, as selfish as some people may think that is. It's our wedding and we will be spending the majority of it schmoozing, thanking, be congratulated, etc. Even the carride over to the reception will be shared with our 10-person BP. We wanted a moment when we could, in peace, take in all that we had just done. 4.  We have a large family with whom we are very close, so even if we didn't do BP at the head table and chose a family table instead, we would end up slighting someone about whom we care very much. <strong>My goodness, JenO, are you so cynical about all things?! I hope that thse reasons scream something else to you next time you see a sweetheart table. Geeze!</strong> OP, do what you want. You can always explain to people who "didn't make the cut" or however they would be inclined to look at it, that reasons xyz are why we made the seating arrangement choices we did. But, in the end, make a decision with which you will be happy that day and then stick to it, unapologetically.
Posted by amatadei[/QUOTE]

if FI and I not sharing your view of a sweetheart table makes us cynical then ok, thats your opinion...we're allowed to have our own views and this is an international board where all views and opinions can be expressed

Audrey&Austin

We're doing a sweetheart table for a couple reasons.

We know that we're going to spend the entire day before the ceremony apart getting ready and the reception is going to be sdpent with out guests. We want to make sure that we have a moment of time when it is just us.

Our wedding party is fairly large, 4 BMs and 4 Gms and a flower girl. Once you add in dates t the mix, that's going to be at least 2 tables. It makes sense to us to have a sweetheart table and allow there to be more room.

I think head tables give off the look of "we're all better than you". In most cases, the head table is elevated and the regular guests are looking up at the B&G and the WP. I personally don't like it.

amatadei

I'm aware that we can all share our opinions, which is the reason I can share my opinion that I think it is arrogant, petty, and cynical to read so much into something as silly as the seating arrangement of a reception. As long as your butt is next to someone you know and like, I don't think anyone has reason to judge the bride and groom for their decision to surround themselves with their BP, their family, or sit just the two of them. They have reasons for chosing the seating arrangement that they did and it's their wedding, so why begrudge them their right to sit where they want, with whomever they want?

skippylouwho

I do not like sweetheart tables. If someone wants to have one, that's their choice but like everything else in life, not everyone likes them. 

JenO24

amatadei - if that is how you feel about the topic then fine i'm not saying my way of thinking is the right way and anyone else's thinking is wrong.  i did NOT saying anything to that extent.  i can express my opinion for the OP as well as you and everyone else.  i did NOT attach anyone, which is why I don't understand why you feel the need to push your views onto me just becuase i have a different view then you do.  the point of posts is not to argue back and forth on whose opinions are correct/whose aren't correct but to have a discussion to help the OP.  i think it is absolutely redundant to keep going back and forth on such a thing.  traceyd14 asked for for our opinions on the sweetheart table vs head table and the seating of her 2 flower girls...i simply gave her my thoughts and views on the subject.

traceyd14 - i hope this helped you figure out your seating dilema, best wishes to you and your FI through the rest of your wedding planning...i know you'll do what suits the 2 of you

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We're doing a sweetheart table. We'll scatter the WP and their dates throughout the rest of the room with people they know.

jagore08

We did a sweetheart table and I don't regret it one bit.  It was practically the only time all day that DH and I got to actually speak to one another.  You're only there for a very small portion of the night so it's not that big of a deal to be separated from your guests and WP.  I actually think it's worse to seat your WP at a head table without their dates (especially if their dates aren't friends with your guests).  

iarguello

We're doing a sweetheart table for many of the reasons listed by other brides above. The head table idea would break up the couples in our wedding party- all but 2 are married and that would just be too many people. Plus, I think that it's a romantic, intimate moment where you share a meal together and it's pretty much the only time that we'll have a second to sit down together because we'll be going to our relatives and taking pictures. The majority of the latest weddings I've been to have all been sweethearts with the exception of 2.

SuMmErKuTiE

We did a sweetheart table and LOVED it. Aside from our private reveal before the ceremony it was our only moment that was semi-alone all day. We appreciated being able to talk just the two of us and talk about everything that just happened. I wouldn't have had it any other way, and our bridal party thanked us several times for not being sat in a line and being able to sit with their dates and friends at the regular tables.

Ditto Trix.. I haven't seen a head table since my aunt's wedding in 1989. A lot of my friends have been getting married the past several years and not one of them had a head table.

spechtholdn

Years ago I worked at a wedding banquet hall as a server. I got the idea for a sweetheart table when I had seen several other couples do it. I always thought it was so sweet to see them actually have a intimate moment to eat dinner together alone. I also over-heard many comments that were being said about their choice, and I never heard any that were negative. Guest also thought it was sweet that they wanted to share a moment together. I also noticed that the bride and groom would eat more when they sat alone verses sitting with the wedding party. I picked up plates and that was something that stuck out every time.

nebbiolo

As a bridesmaid I always appreciated it when I didn't have to sit at the head table and could sit with my date/boyfriend.  Now that I'm planning my wedding, I will be doing a sweetheart table to allow my WP to sit with those they know best vs. who I know best.

rozmopolitan

Very interesting comments on this topic.  To the OP, enjoy your moments together as a newly married couple if you do the sweetheart table...and if you do the head table, have fun with all of the people who have especially supported you throughout the wedding process

We are having an AHR 3 days after coming back from being married in Key West.  I am toying with either the sweetheart table or just sitting at a table for 8 with our parents and siblings.  Since we will already have been married for 10 days and have been on a cruise together, the intimacy of a sweetheart table isn't as much of a draw as much as if we were just married that day.  We are leaning toward the table of 8, but situating the table where each other table has a "view", so lets say in the middle of a lengthwise end row...

One of the other reasons we are leaning towrds this is b/c it is going to be a casual reception in my Fiance's small rural hometown. 

Good luck to all of you and congratualtions!

TheCranberry

I want to have a sweetheart table, but my FI doesn't want to.  He wants to sit with our parents and his sister.  I think they'd probably rather sit with their friends or other family!  Plus, I would like to have that alone time.  I guess we'll see what happens!

acpiper5

When I was younger, I was a flower girl and I just sat with my parents at a "regular table".  I don't remember it being a big deal, I know I didn'twant to sit at the WP table. That being said, FI and I are doing a "heritage table" (I think that's what it's called).  It's a big table in the middle where we will sit with the WP and their dates can sit with us as well.  My FI was just a GM in a wedding that did the same thing, and it was such a relief to me, because I didn't know anyone at the wedding with the exception of the bride and groom.  It was nice to sit with FI!

tricia619

OP- I think that you need to do whatever you are comfortable with. I have been to several weddings in the last decade and there really was a mix of the two, with that being said, when there was a head table it was a smaller BP, I don't know if that factored in on their decision or not. Good luck with whatever you decide, I am sure it will be beautiful!

JennandJoel2010

I'm gonna echo PPs, but we're doing a sweetheart table. Last year my FI was best man in a wedding and he sat at a head table. I didn't see him much until later in the night, and to be honest I missed him! Even though I was sitting with friends, I felt a little left out because they all had their dates and my FI was halfway across the room.

I also like the idea of being able to have some "alone time" during the wedding. I know we're going to up and talking to all the guests, so I look forward to having even 10 minutes of just him and I enjoying our meal. And in no way do I feel like I'm "too good" to sit with everyone else.

chelsea718

I think they look cute but I'm still doing the head table.  I figure it's much more traditional and you only sit there for a short amount of time.  Plus, you will have the rest of your lives to sit alone together why not sit with your bridal party and have fun for a couple hours!  They are there to share in your happiness and support your day. 

Traceyd14

So many good points!  Thanks everyone.  I think we are going to talk to our wedding party and see how they feel about it and go from there.  I really like the idea of a few minutes alone but our families are pretty traditional...guess we have plenty of time to decide.

Xan921

We are doing a head table and I tend to like this better.  It'll only be us and our bridal party at the head table and we will place their dates at other tables.  We're having a small 50-60 people wedding, so everyone is going to know at least a few people there since my friends are now friends with his friends, etc.  We'll make sure no one is the odd-ball out.  Your bridal party are obviously some of the most important people in your life, so we want to enjoy sitting with them, eating with them, and talking with them before everyone goes off to mingle and do their own thing.   

trix1223

I agree with stage, but I also don't understand how the typical "head table" set up means you'll share time with your WP.  Most head tables are long, rectangular tables set up in the front of the reception venue.

That set up means that you can talk with the people directly on either side of you, and no one else.  The bride and groom certainly won't be talking with the WP members at the far end of the head table.

So where does the sharing time thing actually happen?  When you get up and move around.  So why not sit at a sweetheart table, let the WP sit with their friends, SO, or family, and visit with them when you get up and mingle.

Traceyd14

Plus keep in mind that we will have quality time with the WP at the rehearsal dinner, not to mention bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.  I am leaning more and more towards the sweetheart table.

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sweetheart-table-vs-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:28325037-fcb0-4623-9e49-f254bfe0b069Post:ea77cca2-d4ff-43e4-ab74-d333cbc075ed">Re: Sweetheart table vs. Head Table</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with stage, but I also don't understand how the typical "head table" set up means you'll share time with your WP.  Most head tables are long, rectangular tables set up in the front of the reception venue. That set up means that you can talk with the people directly on either side of you, and no one else.  The bride and groom certainly won't be talking with the WP members at the far end of the head table. So where does the sharing time thing actually happen?  When you get up and move around.  So why not sit at a sweetheart table, let the WP sit with their friends, SO, or family, and visit with them when you get up and mingle.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Ditto this 100% the one time I got stuck sitting at one of these awful tables I was barely able to talk to anyone except the girl next to me (who I barely knew and had only met at the bridal shower) and I had to lean over and strain to listen to talk to anyone else. Yeah.. that's quality time with your WP.

Thumper1148

We are doing a sweetheart table.  We are not having a BP.  It is a second wedding for the both of us, so it will just be us.  And no family table cause our immediate family (sister, brothers, their kids, and our parents) would be too many to have at a table together.

And I like the idea of having a private moment together for just a few moments.  The rest of the evening will be socializing with our guests.