Catholic Church Dilemma

ARB51183

I come from a large Catholic family and my finace does not. He believes in god, but has no intention to converting to the Catholic faith (which I am fine with) and his family members practice a wide variety of religions. We don't want to have our wedding in a church because we don't want any of his family to feel uncomfortable or confused. Ideally, I would like to find a priest who is willing to preform a marriage outside of a church. That way, there could still be a religious tone to the ceremony without subjecting everyone to a long, drawn out Catholic mass/wedding. I've thought about just doing a Catholic marriage without the full mass, but my finace is adamant about not having a church wedding.

Has anyone else run into a similar problem?

Any suggestions are much appreciated!

meep2

Exactly what jacki8788 was saying. I was discussing wedding planning with a priest at one point, and he mentioned that some people like to do pre-cana, then have a small Catholic wedding in the church, then do the big wedding out on a beach somewhere or whatever they were considering. Or, as morgan said, there is the possibility of getting a dispensation to be married outside of the church. My parents were married in my mom's parents' Methodist church before she converted, and my dad's priest officiated. Their marriage is recognized by the Church. However, see below:

You may already know this, but since your fiance is not Catholic you will need a dispensation to be married in a recognized Catholic ceremony. You will not be able to have a full wedding mass anyway, so there won't be an argument with your fiance over that. The difficulty of obtaining the dispensation depends on whether your husband is Christian; more specifically, it depends on whether he has had a recognized baptism (even some baptisms, such as Mormon baptisms, are not recognized due to fundamental doctrinal differences). If he has not been baptised the dispensation can be much more difficult to obtain. It can depend on convincing both your priest and your bishop. Start the process early. Your priest may be able to advise you on whether a dispensation to hold the actually wedding outside a church would make this easier or more difficult.

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-church-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29da3955-d8d0-4cca-b740-5e97d161159fPost:dea27f43-44ed-4b5a-a83d-e542fbada2da">Re: Catholic Church Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]You may already know this, but since your fiance is not Catholic you will need a dispensation to be married in a recognized Catholic ceremony. You will not be able to have a full wedding mass anyway, so there won't be an argument with your fiance over that. The difficulty of obtaining the dispensation depends on whether your husband is Christian; more specifically, it depends on whether he has had a recognized baptism (even some baptisms, such as Mormon baptisms, are not recognized due to fundamental doctrinal differences). If he has not been baptised the dispensation can be much more difficult to obtain. It can depend on convincing both your priest and your bishop. Start the process early. Your priest may be able to advise you on whether a dispensation to hold the actually wedding outside a church would make this easier or more difficult.
Posted by meep2[/QUOTE]


This is actually not quite right. If the fiance is a baptized trinitarian Christian, even if they are not Catholic, a full mass is possible, but not recommended. If they are not baptized at all, then there can be no mass. There are also different dispensations for these two categories, and my understanding is that they are relatively easy to get.

Depending on where you live and why you are seeking it, a dispensation for an outdoor wedding is likely to be much harder to get. My understanding is that dispensations for outside-of-Catholic-parish weddings is that they are granted mostly for inter-religious ceremonies, like your parents', and there is a preference for other houses of worship, if possible, than pretty rose gardens.

I do agree, however, that talking a priest is the only way to know for sure what he is willing to do, and what he advises.

meep2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-church-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29da3955-d8d0-4cca-b740-5e97d161159fPost:9f09c126-39a3-490c-911c-ecd2004e2b70">Re: Catholic Church Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic Church Dilemma : This is actually not quite right. If the fiance is a baptized trinitarian Christian, even if they are not Catholic, a full mass is possible, but not recommended. If they are not baptized at all, then there can be no mass. There are also different dispensations for these two categories, and my understanding is that they are relatively easy to get. Depending on where you live and why you are seeking it, a dispensation for an outdoor wedding is likely to be much harder to get. My understanding is that dispensations for outside-of-Catholic-parish weddings is that they are granted mostly for inter-religious ceremonies, like your parents', and there is a preference for other houses of worship, if possible, than pretty rose gardens. I do agree, however, that talking a priest is the only way to know for sure what he is willing to do, and what he advises.
Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

You're right. I double-checked and the reason for my confusion was that in a mixed-marriage a wedding without the full nuptual mass is generally preferred, though not required, because having a mass in which one party cannot receive communion highlights the lack of full spiritual unity between the bride and groom. YMMV as far as what your priest prefers. Where there is disparity of cult, of course, there is never a wedding mass.

My impression on dispensations is that they're like the A-word (ann***ments! shhhh! don't say anything on a wedding board!). It all depends on your archdiocese.  In some they flow like water, but in others you could get a stickler who is very careful about making sure that, for instance, your fiance really will help raise your children Catholic. I don't want to make you discouraged or anything, I just want to make sure you don't wait until the last minute!