Sensitive Subject...

sb716

I really hope you girls can help.  My wedding is 3 weeks away and I've been putting this part off.

I'm looking for a very meaningful way to honor my oldest sister who was killed in a car crash several years ago.  Everytime I give it much thought, I burst into tears (as I am now) but I don't want to do this at the wedding..

I've read many ideas on how to honor deceased parents but I haven't really seen anything on siblings.  I want to do more than just mentioning her in the program.  I have 5 other sisters who will all stand up as bridesmaids.  And while I don't want to "bum anyone out"...I also want it to be known that I am thinking of her on this day and that she would be right there next to me as well. 

I was thinking of perhaps having a pedestal with a candle burning on the end of where the bridesmaids will line up but i wasn't sure how that would be perceived.

Any ideas would be so much appreciated.

crash2729

You could do a memory candle and then list her in the program as an honorary (not sure about the wording though) BM.

I wouldn't do a whole lot more than that because it seems like the wounds are still really fresh, and not only do you not want that for your wedding day, but you don't want to make your whole family sad as well, since after all it should be a happy day!

mctlong

I've heard that some brides tie small pictures of friends/family who have passed away to their boquets. This is a festive way to keep them close without 'bumming' anyone out.   

sb716

Thanks for all your ideas!   On an average day thinking about my siser doesn't make me sad, it makes me happy.  It's just last night my whole focus was on how to honor her since she's not going to be there on the biggest day of my life, so I was emotional.

But' I'm not going to think of it like that because I know she'll be with us in spirit!  Anyway thanks again.  I think I will go ahead with the candle and crash I love your idea about the way to list her in the program!  Mct, I plan to do that as well. 

Thanks!

Soon2BeMrsTing

I had one extra BM bouquet made up and put it on display in a prominent place, with a mention in the program that it was in memory of my cousin. I also carried her picture in a locket attached to my bouquet.  Both the bouquet and the locket were tied with teal ribbon. My family knew the color symbolized the ovarian cancer that killed her when we were twenty.

I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's death.  Ditto PPs that you should consult with other family members first, so as to avoid springing memories on them unexpectedly.

[Deleted User]

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your sister.

The other ladies have offered some great ideas and advice. I personally love the idea of a small pic of her wrapped around your bouquet in a little locket or something.

FaithCaitlin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:2a7141c5-feb3-4367-abd4-1a751faf2931Post:cc1e1ff1-207b-42eb-8c34-e24d3d7eec9c">Re: Sensitive Subject...</a>:
[QUOTE]I had one extra <strong>BM bouquet made up and put it on display in a prominent place, with a mention in the program that it was in memory of my cousin.</strong> I also carried her picture in a locket attached to my bouquet.  Both the bouquet and the locket were tied with teal ribbon. My family knew the color symbolized the ovarian cancer that killed her when we were twenty. I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's death.  Ditto PPs that you should consult with other family members first, so as to avoid springing memories on them unexpectedly.
Posted by Soon2BeMrsTing[/QUOTE]

I love this idea!

I'm sorry for your loss.

ewhiteman06

I'm so sorry for your loss. The ideas mentioned are wonderful and I think another thing that would be more personal (as in just for you) would be to wear something of your sister's.

Maybe a necklace, earrings, bracelet or if nothing else fits, pin a picture of her inside your dress or something else meaningful. That way you know she's there, but it doesn't necessarily have to be in a big outward way.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2a7141c5-feb3-4367-abd4-1a751faf2931Post:93313fa8-4ab8-4bae-a6b3-ae0806dd0713">Re: Sensitive Subject...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry to hear about the passing of your sister. The other ladies have offered some great ideas and advice. <strong>I personally love the idea of a small pic of her wrapped around your bouquet in a little locket or somethin</strong>g.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

<div>I love this idea!</div>

par31

I feel your pain. I also lost my sister suddenly about three years ago,my mom when I was little and the grandmother who raised me about six years ago. When we spoke to our Reverend regarding how we could honor them he brought up a good point: To keep it low profile you do not want to turn your happy day into a day about those who are no longer here and not about us and the joining of our two families into one.
Keeping that in mind we decided to do the following: 
Revernd- including a prayer in the ceremony for those who could not be with us on this special day.
I am not having a maid of honor because this should be my sister who is no longer with us and in my mind there is no one else I would want to do this.
In our program we have included a in memory of section with a poem for my mom and grandmother. Than separate poem to honor my sister.
Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your wedding

missnimrod

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:2a7141c5-feb3-4367-abd4-1a751faf2931Post:2bb5807d-644f-47cb-89aa-3f82eb16da56">Re: Sensitive Subject...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry for your loss. The ideas mentioned are wonderful and I think another thing that would be more personal (as in just for you) would be to wear something of your sister's. <strong>Maybe a necklace, earrings, bracelet or if nothing else fits, pin a picture of her inside your dress or something else meaningful.</strong> That way you know she's there, but it doesn't necessarily have to be in a big outward way.
Posted by ewhiteman06[/QUOTE]

You can even tie a single ribbon of her favorite color around your bouquet & the BM's.  Or in your bouquets have a single flower in them that represents her. It can be the same color as the rest, just a different one.

Sorry for your loss, but best wishes on you wedding.

kellyupdegraff

I'm doing the extra bridesmaid bouquet and having one less bridesmaid than groomsmen.  But I'm not saying anything about it in the program, everyone who needs to know why already knows.