My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!!

Sorys

My future husband refuses to follow the tradition of not seeing me in my wedding dress until I walk down the aisle.
Our Wedding is still months away (7) and I have started to look at dresses and narrow down my options. He wants to have an opinion on the dress and also wants to attend the fitting!!! i have told him that I don't have a problem with him seeing the dress and even helping me pick one out but I do have a huge problem with him seeing me in the dress until the DAY!! this has become a serious problem and could potentially ruin my vision of awing him when he first sees me with whatever dress I decide is the ONE! what can I do?

JoyMatt424

If it's not what you want, why is he making such a big fuss about it? Have you asked him why it's such a big deal? If it's that important to you I'd speak up.

aerinpegadrak

I can't believe someone actually voted "find a new fiance."  What the hell??

My husband wanted to be surprised about the dress, but if he'd wanted to see it, I would have shown it to him.  It's just a dress.  Don't fetishize clothing, it's unhealthy.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_husband-wants-dress-fitting-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:2faf153e-544b-468d-bca2-368264149e6fPost:035017ca-ac46-4e2c-b586-e704142aa66b">Re: My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe someone actually voted "find a new fiance." Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

That was me. I'm assuming it was a joke. If not, then they shouldn't get married.

OP, Just talk to him. I don't get the big deal here.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I think you need to talk to him about why you don't want him to see you in the dress, and why it's important to you.

megk8oz

If you don't want him to see the dress, I really think he should be willing to respect that. Obviously, it's important to you that it's a surprise, so he really should be able to understand that he needs to back off.

bbyckes

I voted "Find a new fiance", but to be fair it was tongue-in-cheek.  Your FI should respect your wishes and I don't really know what any of us could say that would change his mind if he's so adamant.  

I have a sneaking feeling  that you may be exaggerating how much he just "needs" and wants to go to the fitting.  It may be the sheer number of exclamation marks.  Tell him he can see you in the dress the day of, but you'd like to experience shopping and the fittings without him.  If he's reasonable, he'll understand.  If not, you've got bigger issues than this.

Good luck. 

TheCranberry

I don't understand why he's so vehement about seeing you in the dress and picking it.  Try to get him to explain it to you so you can assuage whatever his concerns are.  I don't want FI to see my dress until the day so I can understand where you're coming from.

iarguello

Your FI shouldn't have a say in your dress- you're a big girl and you can pick your own clothes.

duckie1905

DH saw me in my dress multiple times before the wedding so I don't personally understand what the big deal is.

With that being said I understand why it is important to some women.  Iif you sit down and explain to him why it is important to you and he can't or won't respect that then you have bigger issues to settle before getting married. 

Sorys

Thanks for all your replies!

I think its so funny that many of you got the joke with the poll- Its not as serios as getting a new fiance. :O) but i get so upset at his obstinance that sometimes I  swear I want to punch some sense into him. (joke)
I have never been very big on traditions or much less following protocol when it comes to living my life... However, I DO want the feeling of walking down the aisle to be what I always thought it should be... A great moment in time. One that  cannot be repeated... EVER! The look of the man you love when he sees you in a dress that was painstakingly chosen for this specific occasion, for me is priceless!!
I did what you guys advised, I spoke clearly to him and he tried to put himself in my position. Maybe this battle has been won?  ill keep you posted. thanks again for all your comments. It feels so awesome to have you guys available. this is a great time in my life but it can feel lonely at times. I feel like all i do is think and plan and try to materialize ideas for my perfect wedding, It must take a toll on friends and family to hear about all this planning for an entire year

sister2groom

Yeah, I can see going to the shopping part, but I feel like going to all the fittings would super boring for guys.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_husband-wants-dress-fitting-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2faf153e-544b-468d-bca2-368264149e6fPost:e9047692-5bbe-4838-bb7f-1b326974fd20">Re: My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FI shouldn't have a say in your dress- you're a big girl and you can pick your own clothes.
Posted by iarguello[/QUOTE]


Sure, but then by the same token, she shouldn't expect to have anything to do with his clothing choices.

I don't get why it's such a big deal. I actually showed FI a picture of my dress the day I bought it. He promptly forgot what it looked like.

2dBride

I don't think his desire is inherently outrageous.  I took the groom dress shopping with me at my first wedding.  At my second wedding, I took my bride dress shopping with me, if only so that we could find coordinating dresses.

However, if it is important to you that he not see you before the day, you'll need to talk it over with him, explain why this is important to you, and listen to why it is so important to him.  Then maybe you two can come to a compromise (e.g., having him go with you once so you can get an idea of what type of dresses he likes, but then going back on your own to pick out the specific one).  Or maybe one or the other of you will end up giving up on this issue, in return for the other one giving up some other issue.

In my view, wedding planning is excellent practice for learning the communication and negotiation skills you'll need throughout your marriage.

marissa_claire

I think the reason they usually get choked up is because they aren't expecting how you look!  It will knock him over if he sees you coming down the aisle instead of knowing what to expect.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_husband-wants-dress-fitting-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2faf153e-544b-468d-bca2-368264149e6fPost:37fbbb3b-1e46-4c6b-a89b-5b137a22bc31">Re: My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!! : Well, maybe she isn't planning to have any say in his clothes.  I didn't give any input into what DH decided to wear or decided to put the guys in either for that matter.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I almost said something about that. I'm not sure what her plans are, but I thought I'd point that out.

For sure there are a lot of brides around here who pick out the tuxes ro go to tux appointments with their FIs and think nothing of it, yet are keeping their own dress secret. If your FI doesn't mind, that's fine, but if he does, that's something you'll have to think about.

I also don't want to imply that just because I don't care, no one else should. Just thought I'd put my opinion out there!

jessienjeremy

So try on a different dress that is simular in style... then you can suprise him with your dress that day... If he truly insists.. just do that as a compromise.. that way he knows the style just not the exact dress...

My FI wants to be suprised.. We are traditional...

fairy_diva

Honestly, he should love the dress because you love it. Because you are his bride on his wedding day. I choose not to let my FI see my dress or me in my dress until the wedding day. I thought very hard about doing a "first look" photo shoot, but in the end I'm more tradtional that I thought. Sit him down and explain why and how much it means for him not to see you IN the dress until your wedding day. And seriously I was bored at my own last 2 fittings, hot lights, and standing very still are not my thing. :P

Pirata13

I agree with fairy that he should love it because you love it. What if you are in love with a dress and your FI says "nah, I like the lace one", you buy it, you wear it, you hate it?  I think you know your style and what you feel good in better than anyone else--whether it's your FI, your mom, your MOH, whoever.  I'm not a fan at all of pickup dresses but if my BFF wore one for her wedding because that's what she loved and felt good in, that's all that matters.

I feel like if you take him shopping and he helps you pick out the dress, you might as well put it on for him for fittings or whatever else. My H had no idea what my dress looked like, he never saw it, and was totally surprised when I walked down the aisle.  I got up to him and he whispered "Smokin'!"  All night he kept saying how beautiful my dress was. We're so happy we waited to see each other (and him the dress) til I walked down the aisle!  Talk to him like PPs said, and if it is really important to you for him not to see the dress, and not to see you in it til that day, he needs to respect that.

skyler1108

FI has seen my dress but will not see me in it until the wedding. I say let him pick out dress for you to try on that way he gets to put his two cents in but then let it be a surprise as to which one you chose. He gets to help but you get to keep tradition.

Ashes_3

All I can say is that if you don't want him to go, tell him thats final!

mcornelissen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_husband-wants-dress-fitting-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:2faf153e-544b-468d-bca2-368264149e6fPost:fb1ec0be-91e3-4011-b257-12b2482bf0e8">Re: My Husband to be wants to be at my dress fitting! Please Help!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you need to talk to him about why you don't want him to see you in the dress, and why it's important to you.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

exactly this

elisabethb29

It sounds like it is verryyy important to you to follow tradition, and if you tell him that, I would like to think he would understand and agree to drop it.  I can see some groom's desire to see it, but he should respect your desire to keep it a surprise.