Handfasting

KaySea6213

My father will be the officiante for our wedding and one of the ceremony scripts we've been looking at has a handfasting ceremony in it. This could be taken out if I decided I didn't one, but it sounds very sweet.

Has anyone seen it done or had it in their ceremony? Any thoughts or reactions?

surfangel26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_handfasting-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:30cbadce-5c0c-4e28-a537-38aa52f11a23Post:2f2bd1d5-19bf-4e03-b4cb-c8d89d02b056">Handfasting</a>:
[QUOTE]My father will be the officiante for our wedding and one of the ceremony scripts we've been looking at has a handfasting ceremony in it. This could be taken out if I decided I didn't one, but it sounds very sweet. Has anyone seen it done or had it in their ceremony? Any thoughts or reactions?
Posted by dammitkrystyn[/QUOTE]

My groom's family is from Ireland and the handfasting ceremony is very much a part of tradition (although I have never seen one done in person). I would also be very interested to hear from people who have experienced the ritual first hand. I hear it is supposed to be very moving.

My o wn research has turned up a plethora of websites, I thought this one had a good synopsis.
<a href="http://www.wendyhaynes.com/handfasting_ceremonies" rel="nofollow">http://www.wendyhaynes.com/handfasting_ceremonies</a>

I was thinking of having multiple different people tie the cords. Example: my mom would tie the first one, my sister the second, grooms parents third, etc. That way we can include more people in the ceremony and bump up the symbolism!

sierraberry32

My father is an ordained minister, and he has performed many hand fasting ceremonies... However there are two types.

First is the "traditional" hand fasting, it is literally a one year and one day trial marriage. Something they used to do in order to see if the "married" life would suit them.

Second is modern hand fasting. I love it, it symbolizes the locking of love and commitment to one another. I know they use three different colored ropes for that. One color stands for love, one color stands for loyalty and the other stands for friendship. 

There are many forms of hand fasting, some are religious. others not so much! 

unchatenfrance

Handfasting is done in Christian Orthodox ceremonies. We did it (the priest did the actual tying). There were no "reactions" to it since it's a standard part of the religious ceremony.

KaySea6213

I don't think reactions is the right way to put it. I just meant I was curious about the ways it could possibly go wrong.

I think it's a beautiful ceremony and would have a deeper meaning between my fiance and I with my FI and I, but not necessarily a religious significance.

Peledreamsofrain

I'm with Stage when it comes to this issue.  I would be very concerned with people being offended that a peice of their religious culture is being used potentially just because it's 'cool'.

Also, I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to using historical ceremonies out of context.  Handfastings were meant as a formal engagement ceremony that was done one year prior to the actual marriage. 

However, with that being said.  Handfastings in the modern day have been adapted and changed.  They are now so prevalant that not many people raise their eyebrows at them.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_handfasting-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:30cbadce-5c0c-4e28-a537-38aa52f11a23Post:9e9aa2cb-fae3-4e94-a05d-18362077eb59">Re: Handfasting</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think reactions is the right way to put it. I just meant I was curious about the ways it could possibly go wrong. I think it's a beautiful ceremony and would have a deeper meaning between my fiance and I with my FI and I, but not necessarily a <strong>religious significance.</strong>
Posted by dammitkrystyn[/QUOTE]

It doesn't need to have a "religious" significance but a "spiritual"/intimately personal significance. If you find that handfasting is a great way to signify your two spirits/hearts/whatever coming together, then go for it. Religion is important for a religious ceremony, but if you aren't having a strictly religious ceremony, I think that any spiritual elements are up for interpretation as long as they are well explained.

handfast4me

We had a traditional handfasting, for a year and one day, and then were legally married after that.  It's of Pagan/Celtic origin (the oldest traditions of which I'm aware put it in the Scottish camp, although Irish is close in the Celtic traditions).  There is a huge amount of symbolism that goes with it, and the muggles have adapted it with just their right hands, which is masculine in Pagan terms. Excluding feminine is just not done in our belief system.    Pagans use both hand clasped with the partner, so from above you look like an infinity symbol.  The high Priest and High Priestess then dictate how long you'll stay together, 20 minutes, 20 hours, etc.   It's to get to know one another.  In every way.  I would give the side eye to any Christians who don't fully understand the implications using it in their ceremony, to tell the truth.  Same goes for other ceremonies that are bastardized versions of the handfasting. 

KaySea6213

Thank you for your imputs.

Uberoom12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_handfasting-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:30cbadce-5c0c-4e28-a537-38aa52f11a23Post:f29ffcc5-a040-484d-8ccc-907ecfefff11">Re:Handfasting</a>:
[QUOTE]We discussed it since it was so prevalent in Irish culture, but ultimately decided not to because we had many Pagan friends coming and felt like "borrowing" their ritual just because we thought it was cool would be akin to taking communion in a nonChristian ceremony. I've been to many weddings where it was done, from a full out Wiccan ceremony with the casting of a circle to a totally secular wedding where it was just a unity ceremony. I've never seen anyone "react" to it at all, honestly.<strong> I think if it speaks to you and has special meaning for you and your FI, you should do it. However, if it is just filler and you're doing it because you think it's cool or unique, I'd skip it.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I think that this is really the crux of it all. Weddings are, after all, rituals filled with symbolism that are supposed to <em>mean something </em>to us. If it speaks to you, if you feel it's something that you want to be part of, then you should do it. They are, as you said, sweet and lovely and I have yet to see someone react negatively to it in a wedding.

mrsbobfilson

 the "traditional" hand fasting, it is literally a one year and one day trial marriage. Something they used to do in order to see if the "married" life would suit them. If it did not,they parted. If it did,they married. It is an old Celtic tradition. The form of handfasting they do today is so very different from the way it was intended.