Groom's family issues

HeatherM610

Currently, myself and my fiance are trying to figure out what to do about his family's reaction to our wedding. We decided to get married on St.Patricks's Day 2011, which is a Thursday, and his family keeps bringing up their thoughts on the date. They barely say congrats, and then all we hear are there concerns about taking extra time off. We have explained that there will be no honeymoon so that is why we want to get married Thursday evening and celebrate over a long weekend. How could we calmly explain to them, that it's not the end of world if they don't come since the date will not change?!

from,

confused bride to be

Pirata13

Not the best attitude towards family, but that being said, do what you want but don't be upset when people don't make it. A Friday wedding can be tough enough, but especially if these people have to travel you're expecting them to take at least 3 days off (Wed-Fri) for your event. 

And if you continue to state it's "not the end of the world" if they aren't there, don't be surprised with that attitude if people aren't forthcoming with best wishes and gifts.

aerinpegadrak

We had a Friday destination wedding, but we organized it so that people could get in Friday morning if necessary to limit the amount of time people needed to take off.  Most of my family came to town Wednesday-Saturday because those days were cheaper to fly; his family mostly drove, so they arrived Friday morning and left Sunday afternoon.  Our friends mostly left after work on Thursday, so they arrived into town really late.

Point is, we knew that a weekday wedding was an inconvenience, but we tried to be as accommodating as possible, and in the end, the only people who couldn't attend were the ones who couldn't travel due to illness.  (We paid for hotel for a couple of people who were considering driving in the morning of the wedding and driving back immediately after the reception, so they wouldn't be so exhausted and could enjoy themselves.)

It's really callous to say, "Oh, we don't care if you come or not."  If you really wanted them there, you'd absolutely care.  Only invite people you actually want there.  If you don't care if no one shows up, just elope and don't subject your families to your selfishness.

HeatherM610

I think my wording might have come out wrong, sorry about that. I absolutely love his family, and I would love everyone to attend. I know that with any wedding some people will not be able to make it. It's the truth, and we are both fine with that.

As for being selfish, we are putting together plans to accommodate our guests the best way possible. We're not doing a honeymoon so we are treating our wedding as a destination event. We're also not doing a traditional rehearsal dinner or a early ceremony so people won't have to take Wednesday off. The ceremony will be in the early evening in order to make travel arrangements better. We have already put together a hotel package so our guests can get a discounted price(at two places so they can pick which package fits their budget) and they don't even have to book their rooms until late fall if they want. We want it to be a wedding and getaway for those coming to see us.

The point of my original message was that I am surprised we didn't receive warm wishes but instead a list (via emails) of why the date is not correct. I wasn't expecting gifts, money, flowers, etc from anyone, but I think it is polite to say congrats when a couple gets engaged. I am excited to become part of his family but I am not sure how to take their reactions.

I suppose I am trying to figure out a response to the feedback. We've heard them say (or type) how the date is wrong for the following reasons....... but it always ends with "but it's your wedding, you choice". Why dish out the the complaints but then say it's okay. His immediate family is now fine with the wedding, but his extended family send their responses through my fiance's mom and then she tells us. I don't want to burden her with this, and my fiance is mad at his family. I just want to make this better for him and our plans.

-sorry for the long story but I appreciate any responses

mizri

We actually thought about that date for a while, too.  But then we realized that, even though a St. Patty's Day wedding would be really awesome and reflective of our personalities, we would rather have our family able to be with us and are planning our wedding for 3/19/11, just two days later.  Is there a major reason for wanting the wedding on 3/17?  Or just because it would be a neat wedding?  

MillerBride11

Of course the 'family in put' is somewhat important. However this is YOUR day and will always  be. And if you are paying for it and are in a budget like most people then you have to do what is best for the whole thing. and It isnt the end of the world that you get married on a Thursday instead of a Saturday. I think once the date is set in stone and you have the places booked and invatations ect out just express to them how much you really want them there . I've been to a few weddings that were just as beautiful during the week then what they could have been on a Saturday. but 50 years from now that will still be YOUR day And yes with every wedding there will be people who can't attend . as long as you are cautious to that. And if them taking the time off due to financial reasons is the main reason why they hesitate to come on  a wed, then maybe you can push it back to that friday? still less expensive then a saturday. My FI's family is all out of town and in order for any of them to come we have to have it on a saturday evening. which is fine with us. we are mostly DIY'ing the wedding and paying for every penny ourselves. We are just making some changes in other areas in order to make up the difference in the cost. Good Luck ither way!

hilleryh

If you really want that date, you could wait another year and get married in 2012. Since it is a Leap Year, 3/17 would fall on a Saturday. That sounds like it would be more convienent for your FI family, especially if you want them to be able to come. More time for you to save and plan, too. Just saying.

Anyway...

If you don't want to wait longer, I would express that you really want that date for whatever reason, but I would seriously think about why that date is so important to you, too. You could include with your save the dates or invites a little card about the date's importance, and on your program (or favor or whatever) I would include another "thank you" for people making the effort to be there with you on a less conventional day.

Just some options. Picking a date that works for people is hard. Someone will not be able to come for one reason or another. I ran into that problem.