Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

same middle & last name

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years & I are talking about getting married 
sometime next year.  Last night we were talking and he brought up the
fact that I would have to change my last name.  I don't really (maybe
slight feminist reasons) have any problems with changing my last
name. The only problem is that I would then have the same middle
& last name, with slight spelling differences.  I would be "first name
Leigh Lee". This seems like the most embarrassing thing, and a cruel
joke from god. My bf says it's not that bad, maybe a little
embarrassing, but not embarrassing enough to not change my last
name. 

What are your thoughts? Whenever I tell people that I know they
basically laugh.  I love my middle name and don't want to use my
current last name as my middle name.
Help!!

Re: same middle & last name

  • Have you considered hyphenating?  So your name would be: first name Leigh lastname-Lee.  Then they'll be separated by your current last name.

    Anniversary
  • It could be worse.  I have a friend named Taylor that married a man with the last name of Taylor, so now she is Taylor Taylor (she loves this though and thinks it is hilarious).  I think if it bothers you then you should drop your middle name and use your maiden name as your middle name.
    image image Image and video hosting by TinyPic Mommy 3 Months Old image Tristan 3 Months Old Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • some of my original post got cut off..???

    I have considered hyphenating - but haven't decided on doing that or not.
    I don't want to ditch my middle name & use my last lame, because I think my last name as a middle name sounds lame  :)
    Yeah, and the reality of it is that I don't use my entire name all that often: resumes, graduation (twice in my life), license.  So, it'll just be the embarrasment of bouncers chuckling 
    I know...it's a silly thing to be freaking out about (at least trying to convince myself of that). It's just funny that of all the men I could have fallen in love with....lol. It does really crack me up.
  • Why do you HAVE to change anything? Why not just leave your name as it is?
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Yeah, this sadly isn't something we can decide for you.  It's a complicated issue most of us struggle with at some point.

    For this post, we're going to give you a nom de plume of "Sarah Leigh Smith" since we know your middle name is Leigh

    Your options are:

    1. Keep your name exactly the same - don't take his name formally or socially (always Smith)
    2. Keep your name legally the same, but use his last name socially (called Mrs. Lee but your license/passport would still have Smith)
    3. Add his last name to the end, moving your last name to a second middle name (Sarah Leigh Smith Lee - aka Mrs. Lee)
    4. Change your last name (Sarah Leigh Lee)
    5. Hyphenate (Sarah Leigh Smith-Lee)
    6. Use your last name as a middle name (Sarah Smith Lee)

    From the sounds of it, you don't want to get rid of your middle name (and I can't blame you - I don't want to either!) but your only objection to taking his last name is that it will sound funny with your middle name.

    Most people will never use your full name, so they won't realize or notice.  It's likely not as big a deal as it seems.  But if it doesn't sound right to you, may I suggest option #3 - it's the best of both worlds.  It adds a little distance between the Leigh and Lee so that the redundancy isn't immediately obvious.

    Ultimately it's your choice - let me know what you pick! Smile
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • If it makes you feel any better, a girl from my hometown, first name Lindsey, married a guy with the last name Lindsey. So yes, her name is Lindsey Lindsey. Same spelling. And she does not hyphenate.
    *Jeremiah 29:11* SoyFreeBlog
  • I think it would be fine.  If it really does bother you though why not keep your middle name but use only the initial so FIRST NAME L. Lee.  However, if you really like your middle name I'd keep it in full and not worry about what anyone else thinks (which I don't think they would think too much).
  • I was having a hard time with the thought of changing my last name.  I decided to keep my middle name and add my last name to it, so once I get married I will have two middle names and my new last name.  Just a thought.  :)
  • Why can't you just keep your name? I don't think it is so bad that the middle and last n ame are the same, It's really not a big deal. How often do we use last names anyway? But if it really bothers you and you don't want to do it keep your name, it doesn't make yu any more or less of a wife.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_same-middle-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:38b07927-f189-4ed1-bcfc-29a405a45ffaPost:0663dac6-efa4-49f4-a120-88f155f1eced">Re: same middle & last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]::shrug::   There are worst things.  How often do you use your middle name or state your whole name?  I don't think it really comes up that often unless you go by your middle name. I don't think it's that big of a deal.  I'm with your FI on this one. 
    Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

    Just thought that I'd point out how often you say your full name. You probably wouldn't reailize it unless you were being concious of it. FI and my last name's rhyme so I'm constantly aware of how often I have to say mine and his. My son's last name is FI last name... It actually IS more often than you'd think
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards