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Customs and Traditions

Who will walk me down the aisle?

Okay, so my family is a little bit broken up. I'm not going into details, but my parents got a divorce when I was 13. My dad did what he could from a distance but my mom hated/s him. Even though I don't know my dad as well as I would like, I would like to give him the chance of walking me down. It's tradition that the father gives the bride away.

However, my mom hates him. I don't really know him all that well...I don't want there to be fights at my wedding.

If I do it, there might be arguments. If I don't, I might hurt some feelings.

I've thought about walking alone, but I get nervous just thinking about the wedding day. I thought about both parents walking me down (but my mom hasn't really been there for me either).

What do I do to avoid conflict and still give my dad that once in a lifetime chance?
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Re: Who will walk me down the aisle?

  • As you said it's that once in a lifetime chance. I think if I was in your situation I would have him walk me down the aisle, whether your close or not. It's the traditional way..
    Your mom may get mad but can't she just be a grown up for a minute?

    All in all, it's your choice, its your wedding. Go with your heart
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  • I disagree with Cory.  I don't think that tradition should necessarily dictate who walks you down the aisle.  But you may want to consider this: are you uber traditional?  If so, then have your dad walk you down the aisle.  If you're a more transitional or contemporary bride, consider what I am about to say:

    A littler personal story: I am very close with my mom, and my dad wasn't around as much as I would have liked him to be (although we were very close when I was a child).  When my fiance and I got engaged, I intended on having my mom walk me down the aisle, and I was really torn up about how my dad would take it.  I even considered having BOTH of them walk me down the aisle, as they were on good terms, but decided that would looks too cluttered.  Well, my choice was made a lot easier for me, as my dad passed away suddenly very recently.

    Think of it this way: the person walking you down the aisle is the person who is GIVING YOU AWAY.  This should be a person who has cared most for your wellbeing and upbringing, as they have the greatest stake in who is going to be taking care of you now!
  • This is definitely a decision you need to make on your own. If you decide to go ahead and ask your dad, be sure you give your mom a heads up so she can deal with it properly herself.
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  • my brother is giving me away you can always walk down alone i thought about it
  • Ace, I'm sorry for your loss.
  • I've heard of the bride and groom walking down the aisle together in situations like this... and I think it's REALLY neat!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_who-will-walk-me-down-the-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:3e954afc-818a-4ea2-a535-3d0ad199fc40Post:97f2c38b-32e7-42b7-b4c7-0b97c2ade2ca">Who will walk me down the aisle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so my family is a little bit broken up. I'm not going into details, but my parents got a divorce when I was 13. My dad did what he could from a distance but my mom hated/s him. Even though I don't know my dad as well as I would like, I would like to give him the chance of walking me down. It's tradition that the father gives the bride away. However, my mom hates him. I don't really know him all that well...I don't want there to be fights at my wedding. If I do it, there might be arguments. If I don't, I might hurt some feelings. I've thought about walking alone, but I get nervous just thinking about the wedding day. I thought about both parents walking me down (but my mom hasn't really been there for me either). What do I do to avoid conflict and still give my dad that once in a lifetime chance?
    Posted by aluaevolver[/QUOTE]



    I am in a similar situation where my parents divorsed when I was about 14 or 15 years old.  Unlike you, my dad completely took himself out of my life and I have not seen or heard from him since them (nor do I have any desire to re-connect with him.)  I am now 29 with a fast approaching wedding, and I am actually going to have my younger brother walk me down the ilse and give me away.  My brother (2 years younger then me) is my best friend and is really close to me, so I only see it fit that he gives me away on my wedding day. 
  • I'm sorry for your loss, Ace.

    I see what everyone is saying. I'm afraid of hurt feelings. My dad wasn't allowed to be there for me (he was in the military and gone alot). My mom wasn't there for me at all.

    I don't want my mom to walk me down the aisle. Even though she existed, she chose not to see me until I announced my engagement.

    I do have an older brother, but he has drifted in the closeness.

    I have seriously contemplated walking down the aisle myself, except I am afraid that I would get so nervous and turn back. I am also afraid of hurting feelings. Every father looks forward to the day where they give their daughter away. Do I deny him that because of the military?

    I know this is something that I must decide alone, but I feel so lost. Is there another way that I could have him in the party? And then have alll of my family say that they give me away? Because it really did take a village to raise a child when my mother refused to see reality. My dad had a part, but it wasn't all that huge, due to military and my mom
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  • My Mom is very upset that she wont be walking me down the isle. I have been planning on having my uncle walk me down the isle since I was 15. We've always been real close but my Mom is always mad at him and trying to fight with him on and off again since they were kids. I told my Mom that she's the Mother of the bride and no one can take that away from her so stopping giving me a hard time about not walking me down the isle. She's finally starting to accept it. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you want your Dad to just calmly talk to your Mom and stick with your guns. Good luck. ;)
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  • aluaevolveraluaevolver member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2012
    Thanks for all of the support.

    I do want to give my dad the chance. Telling my mom that she won't be walking down the aisle will be difficult.

    I am doing a sand ceremony though, and I was thinking of having the motheres (step mom inclusded) walking the sand down the aisle before I enter. So, she would still be walking and I'm hoping this softens the blow because she will be doing something important too.
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  • I want my dad to walk me down the aisle (I think). I at least want him at the wedding.

    But there is a HUGE road block.

    He's in the Navy. He just joined, from retirement, and doesn't know his schedule (6 months out two months back, or whatever it is). My fiance wants the wedding in 2013, spring or summer. If my dad gets back in August, he might be back for the wedding, if we have it in May. If he get's back in December....it will be too hot for a honeymoon in later months.

    We are both in school right now, but I will have just graduated college when we get married. I will also be a teacher, so May - August is really all we can do.

    :(
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  • kimnyekimnye member
    First Comment
    My daughter has asked both her father and stepfather to walk her down the aisle,she considers both men her dads.  Her stepfather and I married when she was 5 and he has been very involved in her life. Her father has been very vocal about how much he is against having her stepfather share in this moment, however he has no problem with stepfather paying for the entire wedding.   Now she is considering walking herself down the aisle.  I just want my daughter to be happy and her wedding be all she ever imagined, without regret. Any advice???
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