Picking the MoH...Again

Krystal Lee Sousa

So my MoH was picked less than a week of getting engaged fast forward nine months laster and she tells me that she can't be the MoH since she doesn't have the time to put into my wedding since she has some medical issues, travels for work, and two kids.

I completely understand and don't judge her thehard part is picking a new MoH. I moved to NC to be with my FH almost a year and a half ago and I don't knwo that many women around here that I'm really close with.  I can't pick the other bridesmaids since two are back north (400 miles away) where I'm from and can't travel and help with things that I need help with here. The other bridesmaid is strapped financially herself and just got engaged herself last month and cannot put in the organization that a MoH would need.  Wedding is August 7th THIS YEAR so being told rather late in the game makes me uneasy even more.

So should I get another girl that I talk with once a week and known almost 2 years but I know has a good head on her shoulders? Or should I just without a MoH?

tracy_k

Is she still coming to the wedding? Is she going to be in the wedding party at all?

Can you still have her be your maid of honor because she's your close friend, and outsource the "duties" to another of the bridesmaids or a helpful family member?

What "duties" are you asking her to do that would require that much time and organization? All my maid of honor (my sister) did (outside of the stuff during the ceremony, of course) was go dress shopping one afternoon for a couple hours, and plan the shower (with help from my aunts and two of my other bridesmaids).

jenn.daniel

Your MOH doesn't have any duties besides buying a dress and showing up.  My MOH lives in New Orleans part of the year and South American the other part.  don't pick someone to be your MOH just so she can help you plan.  Your FI can help you plan.

MyNameIsNot

Don't replace her.  Just stay with the BMs you have.  If you need help planning, the person you should be asking is your FI.

aerinpegadrak

What organization would a MOH need?  All she has to do is get the dress and show up.  If you desperately need help with planning and you and your FI can't handle it, scale back or hire a planner.  Don't pick a new MOH, that's insulting to everyone involved.

quotequeen

I live in Chicago, I am getting married in upstate NY, and my MOH lives in California.  I anticipate this causing exactly zero problems because I don't expect her to do anything other than be my friend and stand next to me at the wedding.  She doesn't need to organize anything or do any tasks.  Picking somebody who wasn't even going to be in the wedding party to be your MOH just so she can throw you parties or do tasks that are really your responsibility is really rude, and it tells all your bridesmaids that they were chosen for what they can do for you, and not how much you care about them.

morainemom

I am confused -- what organization and financial responsibilities would a MOH have for YOUR wedding?

My daughter got married last fall -- all her MOH had to do was buy a dress and show up at the wedding. 

The MOH and bridesmaids all helped to host the shower - but I paid for it because I didn't want them to have to fund a shower. 

They also all worked together to plan a bachelorette party for the bride.

Krystal Lee Sousa

Alright the girl I picked for MOH said that she absolutely couldn't put the time into it but she and her husband are really close friends to my FI that they're coming to the wedding.  When I picked her we must have gone out three times for wedding things. I picked her because I had known her since I started dating my FI and would occasionally see her and her family since her husband is a really close friend to my FI and was the Best Man and she was very organized andI knew I could count on her. i also really wanted to get closer with her as friend rather than a friend of a friend.

If I chose someone from back north I would run into the same problem since I didn't really get close with other girls and the two girlfriends I do keep in alot of contact are in the party already and they cannot put the time into the planning since they are so far away and do not have much in the way of funds or time.

I really need someone to help me with the planning and the 2 girls back home also don't have the time or the means(know what to do/what to lookout for/who to contact/etc) to help. The other BM that I see three times a week is now doing her own wedding. She has been helping but the two of us seem to be flailing about since she also is new to all of this. A planner is a no go since funds are tight and this close to the wedding it would seem like 2000 spend almost on nothing.  I really am looking for a MOH who can help me calm down and bring me back to reality on things.

amadrierith

If you can't find a MoH who can essentially be your personal assistant while you plan this wedding, then you need to sit down and make a list of all the things you need to get done, and complete them one at a time. I am planning a wedding up north, all my bridemaids don't live near me, nor does any of my family. I have never planned a wedding before and all I do is think of what I need and then look for it. Find a site you like, book it. Find a photogragher you like, book them, find flowers, cake, favors, whatever you need. August is still 4 months away, you still have time to find the things you need. Wedding planning should be fun, not something you can't handle.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_picking-mohagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:42aae153-3dc1-4138-8971-1b89515257d2Post:87662f0d-fa9e-46cd-9844-2d99e7d051fe">Picking the MoH...Again</a>:
[QUOTE]So my MoH was picked less than a week of getting engaged fast forward nine months laster and she tells me that she can't be the MoH since she doesn't have the time to put into my wedding since she has some medical issues, travels for work, and two kids. I completely understand and don't judge her thehard part is picking a new MoH. I moved to NC to be with my FH almost a year and a half ago and I don't knwo that many women around here that I'm really close with.  I can't pick the other bridesmaids since two are back north (400 miles away) where I'm from and can't travel and help with things that I need help with here. The other bridesmaid is strapped financially herself and just got engaged herself last month and cannot put in the organization that a MoH would need.  Wedding is August 7th THIS YEAR so being told rather late in the game makes me uneasy even more. So should I get another girl that I talk with once a week and known almost 2 years but I know has a good head on her shoulders? Or should I just without a MoH?
Posted by Krystal Lee Sousa[/QUOTE]

I would definitely just go without.

BluValkyrie

I have to agree with a lot of the PPs; now adays, the MOH has a lot less to do with the planning and organization of the wedding than in the past.

My MOH is 3,000+ miles away, and I don't expect much from her at all other than show up and help me celebrate my wedding.  Though admittedly, she has had experience with planning weddings in the past, so in a pinch, I can ask her for advice, but for the most part, she's just there to help us celebrate

Pirata13

My MOH is across the country and has no duties but to get here for the wedding.  If you need help with the planning, hire a wedding planner. It's not fair to ask girls to be in your wedding, much less your MOH, so they can "help you plan."  My girls often ask if there is anything they can help with, and right now there really isn't, because I have everything under control. They all know that getting the hall decorated is going to be the biggest feat, and if they can be free to help with that, great, if not, we'll make due with whoever CAN help us. 

beckster5551

First of all I would not pick another MOH. If she is still coming to the wedding then she should be able to stand up with you(unless the medical condition she has will not allow it). My MOH is a single mother with two teenage daughters. I all i need her to do is pay a dress and come to the wedding. I have even offered to pay for her dress if money is too tight. If you need help planning I agree that you should talk to your FI. 

narrow56

The MOH isn't your personal assistant. You can hire people for that.